intense were the moments when the sun reappeared
it cast away the shadows that encompassed our tears
( i am in grade 9 , is this of my level )
2006-08-06 05:14:06 · 19 answers · asked by cat got a rat 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
WOW . i did not know it was that good . i am 13 . and i made this up while playing soccer with my friends .
2006-08-06 05:34:18 · update #1
kiteeze ramola fayc and all of you have been so nice . i did not have any depression when i was young my life would have been titled a flawless dream if published so i really dont know where the essence of it comes from (never experienced hardships)
2006-08-06 05:36:04 · update #2
it's very good for any age. keep up the creativity! it is not in the least cliche', and ..."encompassed our tears" for some reason created a very powerful "inner response" for me. usually, with good poetry, i don't try to analyze it to find "the meaning", but just enjoy the "feeling-tone" created.
2006-08-06 05:35:14 · answer #1 · answered by drakke1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
intense were the moments when the sun reappeared
it cast away the shadows that encompassed our tears
To me the poem is about the light of truth (the intense sun) illuminating the emotion of sorrow and ignorance (beause to these people, the sun shining felt 'intense'. You haven't elaborated on the way the people react to the sun's intesity though. The shadows' device on the people is not obvious- do they comfort or just hide the tears? Anyway, The intensity of the light brings about the full nature of the truth, and the shadows go.
Sorrow is apparently the natural state of these people, because of the 'moment[s]' the sun reappeared, it happens over and over; the sorrow and lack of truth followed by the intensity of truth chasing away the cause of the tears (the shadows).
It's a bit vague and ambivolent!
Try this...
The blinding luminescence strobed through our day
these past stifling shadows withered away,
as the light that lifted, transforming to gay,
the emotions that bound us to the earth like wet clay
the intense light as it came,
exposed the caressing tears,
reminding us of the wounds we felt,
it melted
our shadows, that hindered the truth
to persue the brighter way
(maybe the 2nd verse needs some work- but the first is good isn't it?
2006-08-06 06:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by syelark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its fine for two lines, why dont you finish it and make it into a proper poem? You obviously have the vocabulary and the feel for language. The person who reeled off a string of words and said that you had been writing in cliches is obviously a moron! How can the word sun or the word moment etc constitute a cliche? In that case every writer that ever lived would be writing in cliches! She actually sounded a bit jealous, but there you are some people need to put others down to make themselves feel better.
I don't know how old grade 9 is but keep up the writing, and read a lot of poetry - it helps with writing. Also as your poems become more substantial and convey/contain more themes or ideas it is good to keep coming back to them and 'polishing' them.
PS ignore the dross that sylark suggested what a load of nonsense - that is exactly what you need to avoid!
2006-08-06 14:08:31 · answer #3 · answered by Mick H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is beautiful! I love it!
What does it mean?
I feel it means that most of the time you and your friend(s); or whoever else you were writing about, were unhappy and confused and living in a dark place. But on the times (perhaps infrequent?) when you both/all felt happy, it was like the sun reappearing from behind 4 months of clouds and stormy weather - short, sweet, very intense because you just had to bask in it.
I don't know if this of your level because I don't know how old a ninth grader is; sorry, I'm British. Does it mean you're in the 1st form of secondary school? If so, about the right level! Keep on composing! Get published!
2006-08-06 05:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by kiteeze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're on a roll. You probably need to add more to this mystery so that we will know what you are talking about. I like the way you select and use the words of your poem--intense and encompassed--keep up the good work.
I believe you will do well. You have the mind for acheivement.
All the best,
Fay
2006-08-06 05:28:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
moments, sun, appear, shadows, cast away, tears. here you have 6 cliches in 2 lines. impressive. you should be able to think of something better if you're already in 9th grade, as you are not a little girl any more, but as i remember it is the time of the strongests loves and feelings that seem to be sooo unique but in fact are worth nothing.. You'll grow out of it.
2006-08-06 05:22:03 · answer #6 · answered by Solveiga 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It well embodies the famous thought "carpe diem" (pluck the day). It tells of the birth of hope anew each morning. It is sad to note that many people learn but forget the truth that life should be lived one day at a time. Your poem is full of energy and shows a person committed to this positive, practical way of thinking.
2006-08-07 15:57:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that there was a time of loss, regret, or emptiness and you made a come back in a hard situation.
Nice lines :) Keep Up the good work, young one!
2006-08-06 18:44:38 · answer #8 · answered by Pinkish Marsh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a pretty poignant statement for someone so young. Don't stop writing, you have potential.
Your poem is ahead of your level in my opinion. That speaks well of the future for your writing.
2006-08-06 05:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by fiddlesticks9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad... I think it is very relevant to teenagers especially, as they often have mood swings, periods of intense emotion and sadness...
2006-08-06 05:19:05 · answer #10 · answered by Rox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋