Trusting your spouse....?

Question

My husband and I have had a bit of trouble lately with him looking at porn and chatting with girls online. I have talked to him and he says he just does it because he's bored. I am there and feel like he should be talking to me if he's bored. I used to chat also, but decided on my own that it was only hurting the way I felt for my husband. I had not logged onto my messenger in more than a week and decided to today just to see if I had any offline messages.... I didn't have a single one. So, I logged on as my husband only to see that even though I asked him not to be chatting anymore and I was sleeping right infront of the computer... he came home last night and logged on and I assume chatted with god knows who. I am very insecure, I know that's not good, I have been really trying to not be. I heard once that trusting allows security, the opposite of insecurity, so I was trying really hard to trust him. Now, I feel like I have been shown that he is not trust worthy. brb

I don't want to leave him as I believe that marriage is till death do us part.... so how can I trust him?

How can I not feel insecure that he will leave me if he still is chatting?

Answer 1

i dont think that people should keep secrets in their marriage but i think everyone is entitled to some sort of privacy, me and my husband had issues with the chatting online we both like to chat and he had been upset about it and stopped just like you have stopped, i kept on chatting and he would be in the room i felt like i had nothing to hide and if i was doing something i wasnt suppose to be doing i sure wouldnt be doing it with him in the room. i would be on yahoo playing games or like right now im on yahoo answers answering your question and he would be mad at me thinking i was talking to someone and here i am just trying to answer your question, so try not to be so insecure and talk to you hubby good luck

Answer 2

insecurity is something only you personally can overcome. You are putting this insecurity on him and your whole marriage. If he is just chatting and looking at porn then what is the true harm? Looking never hurt anyone. If you do not have trust in a relationship and especially a marriage hun you aint got nothing. I am a almost 33 yr old woman and have been married for YES 16 yrs. Open up your communication with him , dont nag , if you try and put him on a tight rope the more we will rebel as all of us do that. Best of luck

Answer 3

Being bored is just a way of saying he's dissapointed with the relationship, and even if he's not admitting it to himself, he's looking for some spice somewhere else.

In either case, his chatting is not the problem, it's the symptom. Like you, when you quit chatting, did you really solve what was behind it, or just control the symptom? Because, if not, you will wind up back there eventually.

Instead of talking to your husband about his chatting, talk to him about what's wrong with your relationship. Tell him what you said here, about if he's bored he should be talking to you. He may be bored, but there's got to be more underneath; a hurt, a dissapointment, anger, something. Find out the root cause of why he's turning to chat to soothe his pain, and confront it and him. If you get to the core, and both resolve to commit to the relationship, the chatting should go away eventually.

Answer 4

Get over it. Chatting is not cheating. The only issue you have is his wasting your time together. If he is doing this while you are unaware it would not have been together time. Do you suppose he's trying to set up some kind of tryst. You could head it off by physically taking his mind off it, say naked. its a lot easier to trust a guy who is home than one who is out at all hours. Take charge of your life. Be a bit less passive about your relationship. And for your marriage's sake do not inflate at home computer time to the level of infidelity.

Answer 5

Being bored with you is just an excuse. Even after confronting him and suggesting to him to talk to you if he's bored, it doesnt seem to penetrate his heart and conscience. You need to accept the fact that you are no longer his soulmate. Continue denying this will one day destroy your self esteem.

Be firm with what you want from him if you want to sustain this marriage. Lay out your needs and wants. If he sees that this marriage and him as a husband are important to you, he will agree to make adjustments for both your sake.

Otherwise, just be single. Then you dont have to worry about trusting your spouse other than yourself!

Answer 6

Chatting doesn't mean cheating. Maybe you have a guilty conscience because of the chats you used to have. Most men look at porn. Have you ever offered to make your own porn with him? Or watch it with him? People do get bored, that doesn't mean they always cheat. Offer to do things with him, try to liven up the relationship and get out of the rut it is obviously in.

Answer 7

I believe my spouse thoroughly. frequently because of fact she does not particularly like adult males. She loves me inspite of the incontrovertible fact that. She could be extra possibly to test with yet another lady yet even that doesn't ensue till i grew to become into there. i understand because of fact she had a suitable threat awhile returned and she or he reported she in basic terms could not do it because of fact it could have felt like dishonest. i think of once you're with the astounding man or woman and you're the two mature and talk, the believe in basic terms clearly evolves. some human beings stray because of fact they want wild reviews that provide them a "rush." particularly, their better half could be prepared to accomplish a little wild issues if the strains of verbal substitute have been open. For some reason it is extra common for a guy to cheat than to declare, "Honey, could you place on a nurse's outfit and spank me?"

Answer 8

face the truth if he gets a chance he is really gonna cheat u so do something like ignore compleatly and move on with ur life

Answer 9

tell him how you feel how you really feel if you dont have trust you are not going to make it in the marriage trust is very important

Answer 10

Sounds like he might be getting the 7 year itch