How should I handle the fact that my husband's friends don't like me?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. During this time, I've tried to endure his friends and have been more than friendly to them and their girlfriends and wives. They're a diffuclt bunch, and I don't feel I have much in common with them. Their idea of getting together is sitting around and drinking too much. All of the couples have complained to us about each other over the years. We've stayed pretty neutral and have never repeated anything that has been said. Recently, one couple repeated an off-handed joke my husband made about another couple to them. They also told this couple I had said things which I had not. Naturally, I called them on it. This, in turn, has somehow made things worse and now everyone is angry with us. I personally don't care, but I feel bad for my husband. He's supportive of me but does feel that I've caused his friends to pull away from him. I don't like to see him so upset and so badly want to fix this situation. Is there anything I can do?

Answer 1

I can understand.......but you're duties are to each other first, not your friends. I think we all have personal space, rules, lines we draw......and at some point, we all get to where we no longer bend on those rules. It comes with age. It sounds like you've tried......and I personally dont' know how you've stood it so long......but what are you gonna do? T hey're his friends, and he needs to handle it, not you. I don't see how it's your fault. If they're angry at you, then he should stick up for you hands down. If you said nothing, then you're innocent. Obviously he set a certain example by talking about the other couple as well. Sounds like everyone's a little guilty of gossip and this is NOT how friends act. If people are still talking about each other behind backs, then how could they be such good friends? Sounds like no loss, if you ask me. I honestly dont' think you should get involved unless you thi nk you're on friendly enough terms with the wives. I guess you could talk to them......but again, sounds like everyone's a little guilty.

They can either be mature and get over it and agree not to ruin years of friendship, or they can remain not speaking to you and at that point......good riddens. If this went on in MY circle of friends, I would bow out of those relationships immediately. Does this happen with you and YOUR girlfriends? Probably not. It's not the way to conduct good healthy friendships. And if being sarcastic and taking shots at each other is their way of having fun and joking around......then everyone ought to toughen up and not be so sensitive.

Answer 2

True friends forgive and forget. They are not true friends if they don't. Your husband should realize this. Letting friends cause problems in your marriage is not a good idea. You don't need people like this in your life OR your marriage. Sounds like you don't really have much in common anyway if all you do is sit around drinking. Not much love loss if they move on out of your life. Your husband needs to see this. I don't think there is much you can do. They have made their judgment against you and when some people do this, they don't change it. You were right in calling them on it. Don't feel bad about standing up for yourself. They used you as the scape goat in this.

Answer 3

Is your self identity completely dependent upon your husband? Maybe his friends see you as trying to be buddy-buddy with them only because of the link through your husband. If it weren't for your husband, would any of you be friends or socialize together? You've been with your husband long enough to tolerate his friends. If you can't get along with them, the best thing at this point is to avoid them as much as possible. If there is a specific couple's event to attend, then go but try not to say too much. But if it involves them coming to your house, just go to another part of the house to read/clean/rest/etc. Or develop more of your own friends and go out with them.

Answer 4

Their relationship is crossing the line. After he made the remark approximately being involved in her, i'd have demanded he cut back all ties along with her. If my husband became into up conversing to a girl on a similar time as i became into in mattress, it does not have lasted long. i'd are turning out to be to be up and mentioned this is mattress time. If she did no longer get the hint, i'd have been blunt with the aid of telling her to get the f*** out, and stale my husbands jock. i do no longer care what all people says, a guy can't be buddies with a woman they're involved in. it might lead into an affair, and that i agree it fairly is already at an emotional affair. She isn't happy along with her husband, and apparently likes / needs yours. supply up this earlier it is going any extra. tell your husband the form you experience and ask him to end the friendship. If he does not, then he does not love or recognize you very a lot. i'd be so offended if I have been you. you're no longer being jealous. i'd have already flipped my lid with the aid of now. in simple terms reading this made me mad. My husband as quickly as has a woman pal over (she lived interior a similar complicated) and that i did no longer comprehend till I walked for the period of the door (at 10:00 at night). They have been sitting on separate couches, however the actuality that he became into watching a movie along with her felt somewhat to intimate to me, distinctly in view that I barley knew her, and did no longer assume her to be there. I flipped and instructed him if that ever happens back, i'm long previous. it may be high-quality if I have been there, yet I wasn't. I felt betrayed and became into no longer having it. placed your foot down and determine he's familiar with you're extreme. shop that woman out of your place and your life. She needs what you have and he or she gets it in case you enable this to circulate on. sturdy success!

Answer 5

It seems that you would be happiest if you could snap your fingers and his friends would be gone, as long as it didn't hurt your husband. The fact that you used the word endure shows that you don't accept them--you tolerate them. Have they ever actually done anything to you or do you just think you are above them? Friends come with a marriage. Often, a spouse has known them longer than they have known their spouse. People divorce, many friends are life-long. You need to actually accept them, not just endure them. That is why they don't like you. People know when they are just being tolerated.

Answer 6

You need to find some friends of your own. It is good that your husband is backing you up with his friends but at least the one couple has decided to be trouble makers and now seems to be you turn. You can still maintain casual contact with this group of friends but it sounds like they are more trouble than they are worth. You need supportive friends of your own.

Answer 7

Simple,and this is for your husband:Choose,Who's it going to be,them or your wife?For you:There's nothing wrong with being honest about your feeling towards is so called friends.The best way to fix this is to stop hanging out with them,it's obvious they aren't true friends.You need to start calling them what they really are:drinking partners because real friends wouldn't put you in the middle of all that mess.Kick them all to the curb and hubby too if he don't like it.Stand up for what you believe in.

Answer 8

i dont hang with my husbands friends because the things they do dont interest me sounds like the whole group of friends need to evaluate themselves friends sitting around talking about the other friends then telling what one said and not what they are trouble makers and i wouldnt want to be in the presence of those type of friends they just seem childish to me this isnt your fault and your husband should realize that let him hand with them you dont have too find another group with more mature people

Answer 9

I think that your husband and you could use a break from these friends. Try new hobbies and go to new places to meet new friends. It seems like these so-called friends are still living their high school days. Besides, friends or good friends accept you for everything.

Answer 10

His friends are a b***H !! You did the right thing .. and so did your husband by supporting you.. things will cool down .. just give it some time