she is depressed and i have suggested to see a doctor but she wont. she wants to seperate to spend time alone. we have 2 kids and everything that goes with it. we have been together for 9 yrs. i dont see how spending weeks, or months apart will help, someone help me.
2006-08-06 02:17:46 · 25 answers · asked by freezerdog69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have been seeking counseling for 3 months. she now decieded she doesnt want to go anymore. she doesnt feel like talking. she doesnt want to go out. she doesnt want to spend alone time, without kids. no sex, and our sex lives have always been good. she does not want to be touched at all, hugging, holding hands, giving or recieving a hug. no kissing, no touching at all. we both work 60+ hrs a week, we dont have alot of time to spend together. 3 months ago she told me she wanted to seperate, i have been lost and sad since.
2006-08-06 03:09:55 · update #1
I am so sorry. I know this is hard. If she is really depressed may be you could have her committed. I do not mean that in a mean way but I would contact your local hospital and talk to a nurse or Dr to ask for help. Depressed people can do bad things when they are alone. She would get time away in the hospital as well as some help.
2006-08-06 02:21:55 · answer #1 · answered by van 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat. My wife of 16 years moved into her own apartment over a month ago and left our two sons and I behind so she could be more "independent". She does not want a divorce or separation because she has hope that we will get back together. It's all about forgiveness. You need to maintain your love for her and keep telling her that she is your world. You're going to get a lot of cold responses like "divorce her" or "get a girlfriend" or "grow some ball". Just disregard them. They don't have a clue. You need to be a strong father for your kids and make sure that you don't put them in the middle of your situation. It is very tempting to use them against your wife. For God's sake, DON"T!!! If you can get her to see a doctor, no medication will be effective without counseling. My wife got the medication, but delayed on the counseling 7 months...bad news...You're going to have to be patient and keep a level head. Her decision didn't happen overnight and the situation won't be fixed overnight either. Hang in there and focus!!!
2006-08-06 09:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by Dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe its fatigue on her part, and which is quite common in almost any human being. I do feel sometimes that I should be away from my family and I do not want any bdoy to bother me that time.
I do tell my wife at number of times and we try to make some adjustments like where she enjoys, she can go there and I keep the children (most of the times though they go with her) or sometimes I have the liberty to do the same with my friends.
Both of you have to sit down and try to find out what exactly is the problem.
In the meantime, let her go for sometime if she wants to and it may help in rebuilding yourselves.
I'm married, a father of 2 kids, so I know what it takes to keep others happy.
If you would have mentioned a little background i.e. which country etc. you are from, a more analytical approach to the problem can be adopted.
Bottom line, you have stayed together long enough and still it is not working out, so why not try the otherway round.
Good luck!
2006-08-06 09:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by GS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the exact same situation. My first wife wanted to seperate and became extremely depressed, not wanting to go to counseling. Basically, I told her that she had two options... She could either give counseling a fair and honest try with me (and if it failed, I would not contest the divorce) or I would fight her tooth and nail every step of the way.
She relented, and we proceeded to go through four years of counseling... together as marriage counseling and her on her own for being a manic/depressive. In the end, they got her on the right medication and got her manic/depression under control.
Be advised, however, that during that process a lot of things happened that changed us both as people. In the end, even after she was "better", we had grown apart and ended up seperating anyway. Granted, we seperated as good friends, and still keep in touch, be we are divorced now nonetheless.
When it comes down to it, it takes two people to make a marriage. No matter how badly you want it, if she doesn't, the marriage is toast. Push hard for counseling... marriage counseling, and counseling for her for her depression. Be prepared, however, as it still may not turn out the way you want.
2006-08-06 09:25:30 · answer #4 · answered by Physh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you leave the kids with grandma for a weekend and take her somewhere local and just be together. Don't try to make it romantic or super fun or anything, just spend time together, ALONE, with no kid/animal/home/work responsibilities. Stay in a hotel, walk around a new city, eat out in little diners. Don't talk about problems with work, kids, home, or anthing else. Ask her what stores she wants to visit.
Usually women put their husbands' and kids' needs and wants before theirs. This is great until the woman needs her own 'tank' full and feels she has to leave to fill it instead of asking for it at home. We don't know how to fill it at home, sometimes.
I suggest a book call "The Five Love Languages". If she decides to leave, you can't really stop her, but make sure you are continually letting her know that you love her, need her, and want her. That you are committed to the relationship and have no desire to spend time apart from her. Make sure you don't, out of defense, push her away in an attempt to bring her closer. Good luck, I really feel for you.
2006-08-06 09:41:44 · answer #5 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her her time alone, mayb she needs some space to get herself together. i know its painful, but let her go and if she doesnt come back, move on the pain is hard but it will diminish and go away. i can almost hear ur desparation. just suck it all in (i know easier said than done) and tell her u love her and want whats best for her, to get herself together, and come back a better complete person. And when she does leave dont call, beg, let her come to u! I bet if she leaves alot of things will come to light. If she is just using depression as a cover u will find out. She might just be overwhelmed by trying to be everything for everybody, and honestly need some me time. Now if she wants to take the kids w/ her u might b in trouble. i wish u good luck and hope u 2 get it worked out
2006-08-06 09:35:20 · answer #6 · answered by Miss B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she might need help being pushed to see a doctor maybe she needs to be on anti depressants find pamphlets with symptoms give them o her maybe she can relate to them and then realize her problem or you guys should seek counseling if she isnt trying then maybe she just wants out of the relationship and instead of being upfront about it shes trying to let you down easy, because in my opinion when ou truly love someone and theres a problem you do what you must to resolve the problem and it doesnt seem like she is trying perhaps her two months away involves being away with another person hmmm!!!!
2006-08-06 09:27:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did something happen that you know of to make her depressed? I think you have the wrong counselor. If you had a good one, it would be helping and they would have suggested she go on medication for awhile. I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I think she just "thinks" she needs to be alone. Something has happened for her to feel so depressed. It won't help for you to be apart, but in her mind, that's what she thinks. I suffered from depression and the depressed person feels they do not deserve someone in their life that loves them. They feel like they are abusing the relationship. She really needs medical attention. She needs to go on medication. It will change her life. She won't have to stay on it forever, just to get her over the hump. I don't know how you can make her go to see a doctor, other than begging her to go. She needs one on one counseling right now. Having you in the room with her is not going to help. She needs to fix herself right now. Bless you and good luck getting her to a doctor.
2006-08-06 14:10:12 · answer #8 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do it and go get you some, that's probably why she wants to get away from you anyways, that or she is not happy in the marriage.
I'm thinking she met someone else and she wants to explore new option, in other words leave you behind. So if you don't beat your wife and your always nice to her, helper and you have not been a bad father or husband.
Then my friend i can't help to say but she does not want you anymore, is very likely that she has met someone else and probably in love with that other person.
BUT AGAIN I DON'T KNOW YOUR WIFE OR YOU I don't know exactly what kind of relationship you two have.
So, i guess if you always been a good husban and father. then this woman has someone else in her life already. and you just did not know about it. specially if she is the one who stays at home and your the one that works.
2006-08-06 09:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by ybzcarlos1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what is depressing her. Try cheering her up. Maby you need to "re-light" that fire that you guys once had. Send her flowers, take her out to dinner. Find someone to take the kids for a weekend and show her how much she means to you. If possible go on a mini vacation without the kids
2006-08-06 09:25:06 · answer #10 · answered by missy_06120 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋