I'm torn between going back to my husband, or live with another man I've fallen for, what shall I do?

Question

I left my husband for another man, whom I fell deeply in love with, now I'm with neither, but they both want me back. Don't know which way to turn, plus my mother intereferred and clouded my judgment of both men. I have 2 children with my husband, if I where to go back to him, it would be for them only, and my life would be no better, even if he promises differently. The other man, is exciting, adventurous, willing to try anything once, but, I feel differently towards him when my children are around... Jeeze I'm confused, any help/advice would be very much appreciated.

Answer 1

It's the question, you must answer. Whatever you decide, either your husband or the other guy, you will have to invest a lot of work in either relationship. Going back to your husband, means that you both have to change (not just him) and to solve the problems that led to the separation. Being with another guy, means that you will need a lot of effort to convince your children to like and respect your new choice. It must be really flattering to have two men wanting to be with you and it's up to you to chose who is going to be the one. I suppose that what you have with your husband you don't have with another guy and vice versa. The question is "what option is closer to your heart?" If you think that your marriage is so bad that you can't be happy anymore then stay with another guy. I think it's important to understand what brought you in your marriage to fall in love with somebody else and it will prevent you from making the same mistake again.

Answer 2

Become an adult. Your responsibility is to your children and husband. I can't understqand why he would want you back.

I hope you have left the children with your husband because it sounds as if he is the only responsible adult. If you leave the children with your husband then you can go play and he can raise the children to be responsible adults.

With such attitudes it is no wonder that there are so many single parent families and that the State must step in to pay for the upbringing of children or that an increasing number of children are raised by othjer children.

The cry of the imature, "Don't tell me about responsibilities, let me do what I want."
Marriage, especially with children, is not something to play at. All people are tempted but being a responsible adult means you reject the temptation and assume your adult responsibilities. You're not there.

Answer 3

Hi,

In short I would say u r right in the middle with no where to go. Honestly u need both the sides, which is not possible.

Although I cant come up with a soffisticated solution due to the lack of detailed Knowledge I would reccomend to seek a solution with u having a good relationship with ur children and seperatelty u be with the man u like to be with.

Pls note answer is based on what u have provided. Should u need any clarification pls feel free to contact.

Deen

Answer 4

I think u need some time on ur own. u cant be in a relationship where ur not fulfilled and u shouldn't go back just 4 the sake of the children as they will pick up on it and feel guilty if u r unhappy because of what u did 4 them. on the other hand u cant be with a man whom u act differently with around ur children, u need 2 be with some1 u describe as being like the man u long 2 be with but also some1 u can be yourself around, with or without the children there.

Answer 5

If you can make it on your own do it. Don't commit yourself to either one of them. Staying for the children is never a good reason to stay with someone. Children need to be in a loving environment and what example would you be setting if you only went back for them and you weren't happy. Maybe you could just take some time and be with them do things with them. Happy things that you all would enjoy. Then try dating someone new or the guy that you fell in love with or maybe try dating your ex husband seeing if you can rekindle that love you once had. Remember that you need to find what it is in you that makes you happy. A man doesn't make you happy they can help cause you to be in a good mood but its really your choice.

Answer 6

There are a lot of pros and cons to this you will have to work out in your heart. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to give up everything (maybe your kids too) to be with this other man? Cause your husband can take you to the cleaners for Infidelity. And I mean everything. Is this other man a sure bet or is it just sex? You know, even with the new man- the passion will wear off and then you will be in the same "boring" situation and have no home, kids, money, future security.....nothing.
You have a lot to think about.

Answer 7

u know what
if u go through my q & a u excatly know what i am talking about
me and my soul mate have excatly the same problem as urs except for the fact that she does not have any kids and that i am also a married person
well u know this decesion that u have to take is a very tough one
and may be i could just be a little help to you
whne u go to sleep tonight just write ur problem in a very consice way that is like " should i go to my kids or this man on a piece of paper read it aloud and keep the peice of paper under ur pillow
and go to sleep
u might get the answer may be in one night or may be in 2 or 3 days depending on ur luck
ur dream that is ur sub consious will answeer it for u
if that proves futile u could try out some meditation tecniques like concentrating on candle flame , reverse counting reciting the word " OM" aloud closing ur eyes
once u have ur mind relaxed u would surely get the answer once u ask it.
i know u will
if u have any problems mail me
may be i could help u
till then
god bless

Answer 8

Do you mean your relationship with the other man would be more exciting if the kids aren't there? Or do you feel more free when the kids aren't there? If either one of those things are the case then you need to rethink your feelings for the other guy. That is only if you want to raise your children. If not then go for the other guy. Your marriage sounds dead and the kids will know.

Answer 9

Really tough situation, I supect with no straightforward solution. Very dubious whether turning to a bunch of strangers for advice on such a major life decision is going to be helpful.

As you can see answers will fall into 2 broad camps:
1) Make your marriage work; honour your vows; think of your children etc....
2) Put your self first. go with your heart etc...

The temptation will always be to look for the answer you want to hear and chances are if enough people reply, you'll get it.
But assuming you have got friends & family who care for you I would have thought that they would be a much safer source of honest and loving advice.

Answer 10

From my experiences it sounds like you're bored with your life and you think someone else can sort it out. You could go with Mr Adventurous, but you'll still be you.

Or (and this is my suggestion) you could expand your own horizons, learn a new skill, get a new job etc and work towards getting back with your husband, who sounds like a decent sort of chap, and set a good example to your children.

My mother had times when she wobbled (not as much as you!), but thankfully for us, she always came right in the end.