why do people let their babies cry it out???? AARRGGHH!!!?

Question

Its so cruel!! Babies only form of communication is to cry! What if your baby is ill, too hot, too cold, in pain or hungry?? and you just let them cry it out because you need sleep!
If you didnt want all this that comes with a baby why have one??

All your baby needs is you. For comfort, warmth, love. And you ignor that?

I know even Doctors suggest it and health visitors -they are not experts in children crying. hv are only trained nurses.

I felt like laughing at my hv for suggesting it! No thats not what I am, I am a full time mother not one at times that suit me. I would neve rput my child through such a thing. Babies cry so much they are sick in these conditions, what trauma for a small child!

At the end of the day its us that have got the babies into this nighttime routine of feeding at waking etc. Why just suddenly stop, would you like that? How you like someone to take your comfort anway?

Poor babies!!!!

firstly ceprm by baby is 9 months old I wouldnt say I was new to this. And no I have no respect for my babies health vistor for many reasons, and no they dont know what they are talking about- I know 99% of mothers feel the same. I could make a huge list about them.

and for 42 attending to them when they cry is not spoiling, I will never allow my children to be like the one you mensioned.

And I do all the nigths on my own and all day until my husband returns. At the moment she is cutting her 4th tooth- why would people leeve a teething child?

and no they break their own habbit- when they dont need it anymore. My own mother thinks it is sick also. Me and my 3 sisters have been brought up very well. We were never left to cry.
Many of my family said their babies didnt sleep though until 9 months also so I am not worried.

Answer 1

CIO is one of the worst things you can do to a baby. Spoiling doesn't start at infancy. It starts with lazy parents who will not set proper, age appropriate boundries for their children. Children who have never heard their parents say the word "no".

Can leaving a baby to 'cry it out' cause brain damage?

Asked by Christine Koch of Strathfield, NSW Australia

Research suggests that allowing a baby to "cry it out" can cause brain damage.

Some experts warn that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes extreme distress to the baby. And such extreme distress in a newborn has been found to block the full development of certain areas of the brain and causes the brain to produce extra amounts of cortisol which can be harmful.

According to a University of Pittsburgh study by Dr M DeBellis and seven colleagues, published in Biological Psychiatry in 2004, children who suffer early trauma generally develop smaller brains.

A Harvard University study by Dr M Teicher and five colleagues, also published in Biological Psychiatry, claims that the brain areas affected by severe distress are the limbic system, the left hemisphere, and the corpus callosum. Additional areas that may be involved are the hippocampus and the orbitofrontal cortex.

The Science of Parenting by Dr Margot Sunderland (Dorling Kindersley, 2006) is a recently published book that points out some of the brain damaging effects that can occur if parents fail to properly nurture a baby - and that means not allowing them to "cry it out".

Sunderland, the director of education and training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, draws upon work in neuroscience to come to her conclusions and recommendations about parenting practice.

In the first parenting book to link parent behaviour with infant brain development, Sunderland describes how the infant brain is still being "sculpted" after birth. Parents have a major role in this brain "sculpting" process.

In doing this properly, Sunderland argues that it is crucial that parents meet the reasonable emotional needs of the infant. This is helped along by providing a continuously emotionally nurturing environment for the infant.

Allowing a baby to "cry it out" when it is upset will probably be regarded as child abuse by future generations.

Answer 2

Certainly, as a possible sign of some level of distress, it should be checked out.

That said however, there are theories by the hundreds both ways.

To constantly address crying, perhaps to the point of constant coddling, could have as many adverse, long term effects.

Some parents who you might perceive as abusive, and neglectful, might be very good parents and already know the habits of their child. They may in fact have caused the crying as an attention getter? I'll assume that neglectful is a minority, and unfortunately the "coddlers" are a majority.

All babies need nurturing, and there is no sin in touch, talking, offering a bottle, food, toy, when needed for the reality, or a distraction.


Rev. Steven

No real offense meant, but is your annoyance based on morality or just annoyance at the noise levels?

Answer 3

Sometimes, it is what they need.
I know when my daughter is hungry. I know when she's soiled her diaper. And I know when she is just plain tired. We have plenty of cuddle time, story time, and playtime together. She gets all the attention she needs.
She hates being rocked to sleep (always has) so I put her in her room, close the door, and let her cry. That's how she goes to sleep. It usually only lasts 2 minutes. If it lasts longer than 5, I go get her, because obviously she isn't going to sleep. Nighttime isn't a problem, she has been sleeping through the night since about 6 weeks. If she wakes up crying in the middle of the night (a rareity) I go get her, because I know she needs something. She really isn't a fussy baby, but she has her moments where she just needs a good cry.

Answer 4

I have 2 sons,and I would never even think about letting them "cry it out". One of them is 6, and he's turned out fine. Not spoiled or anything(except when he gets around grandma,lol). And both of my sons would cry so bad when they were upset that they would make themselves sick in a matter of minutes. So just go with your gut, if you don't like the idea of your kid crying it out alone, don't let it happen. Of course, others are going to try to tell you you're doing something wrong, don't listen. You do what you think is best.

And to the person whose answer contained this:

"You're obviously very new to this mother thing, and think you're something special, but you'll learn, on your own, since you refuse to take the advice of people who obviously know more about it than you do."

That's a really bad attitude to have, telling her she "thinks she's something special". Who are you to imply you or anyone else knows what's best for her child? Some of the pediatricians in practice don't even have children of their own, yet we're supposed to take their advice, no question? You could have just said you did/didn't agree with the crying it out issue, no need to be such a b i t c h about it.

To the person below, I'm not saying everyone should agree. They're our kids, we can do what we wish. But I do believe the answer could have been a little nicer. They could have disagreed and told everyone how well whatever they chose to do worked for their child. Some kids will cry it out w/o making themselves sick, some won't. If I had done the "cry it out" route and it worked, you could bet your *** I would be telling everyone I knew about how well it worked for me, I wouldn't think them less of a mother if they chose to do it differently though.

Answer 5

It is very difficult to be a parent. Babies don't come with instructions. We all struggle as new parents to come up with the style that will eventually be our own. We get lots of advice from others- our own parents, our friends, books, cable TV shows. Some parents may try this style- to let babies cry- and others will not.

What's right in one family will not be right for another. Some parents have NO help so that someone else can ease the crying baby while they get a break.

And, it can be frustrating to see a parent who has a style very different from our own.

Best wishes!

from a grandma-aged lady who also doesn't believe in letting babies cry alone

Answer 6

I am in complete agreement with you. Crying it out does nothing, nor does it change when a child is ready to sleep through the night. It just lets a baby know that their needs are no longer important and no one will be there anymore when they need them during the night. I never let my baby cry and she started sleeping through the night at 4 months. She gave up her night time feeding when she was ready, not when I was ready. I am glad that you are allowing your baby to feel the love, trust and security that comes from having an attentive parent! Good luck!

Answer 7

I completely agree with you. I think the only reason to let a baby cry if it is what is best for THEM not you as a parent...(IE if they were refusing to sleep for days - like my six month old did once - she only slept 5 hours a day for two days straight and put herself into exhaustion but WOULD NOT SLEEP - then I had to let her cry for 15 min - which was horrible - but I needed to do it for her own good or an older child throwing a tantrum over wanting candy, a toy, etc..) but, letting your child "cry it out" for hours on end because you dont want to get up at night is foolish. Why people try to numb themselves to their baby's cries is beyond me - babies cry for a REASON...and the argument that you are teaching them to "self soothe" is ridiculous - what you are teaching them is the way to fall asleep is not peaceful - but rather, to get mad, get even madder, get more and more worked up and upset until you are hysterical and exhausted and you knock yourself out. Yikes! That isnt how I want to teach my daughter how to relax!! Not to mention the psychological reprecussions of learning that "it doesnt matter if I need something and scream for it, people who are supposed to love me will ignore me because they dont care, or because I am worthless, etc..." what a bad thing to teach a child. And crying is NOT a "habit" it is a biological DRIVE - if it is a habit, then breathing, eating, and pooping are "habits" that is just stupid. You cannot spoil a baby...dont get me wrong, if you had an older child and ALWAYS gave in to whatever they wanted if they shed a tear, that would not be healthy because they must be socialized and the world will not respond to them that way - but a baby has NO concept of that...it only has needs and those needs either get met or dont get met. Our job as parents is to meet those needs to the best of our ability. Ok, I am off my soap box.

Answer 8

I could never leave my baby to cry it out, but I did do controlled crying, which is similar.
Its got nothing to do with only being a mother when I feel like it, its got to do with getting baby into a good sleeping routine, my baby has been sleeping through since she was 5 days old or around there, so I don't have to use the method anymore obviously.

And to leave you baby to cry it out is not leaving your baby when they are to hot, cold, sick, need changing or any of that, its for when it is bedtime and they need to learn to self settle, or there is nothing wrong except they are overtired.

I think the method is great, because now she is in a good routine, fi she does cry, I know that there actually is something wrong.

Also in reply to this "Who are you to imply you or anyone else knows what's best for her child?"
Well you are right there, but this also applies to the original poster, just because she doesn't use crying it out, doesn't mean it doesn't work fine for other people.

To the person above again lol. I agree that post was abit rude, but so was the original post so I still think it also applies to her, seeing as she was basicly accusing anyone who let their babies cry it out of being cruel/neglectful to their children.

And about the teething, leaving your children screaming in pain, and leaving them alone for them to go to sleep at night are two completely different things

Answer 9

I salute your warmth and concern for the babies.!!!

No sensible mom unless she is in a difficult time or position or in a state of oblivion, would let her baby cry or allow the baby to stop communicating through crying. After all the baby's cry is always a telling or a tormenting echo within a mom's heart, which she can ever afford to ignore.

You are also a mom and you would agree, deep inside a mom cries with the baby too !!!

Answer 10

Dont be so damn horrible. You should know how much mixed advice you get as a mother from people saying all sorts (including to let them cry a bit). You dont have to be so critical. Just say no, dont let the baby cry. Comfort them when they cry because babies cry when they need something. A little cry isn't bad for a baby, its not bad for them if you dont rush to them immediately. Histerical crying is another thing. Duh. But there is just no need for you to blast people's socks off and indirectly accuse people of being bad mothers for listening to advice someone gave them. The last lady who asked about this topic is not a mother who had her baby and wanted it to be perfect. God. She's just trying to do the "right thing" by using the advice given. So chill out and keep your nastiness off here. This is meant to help not attack new mothers self esteem.

Answer 11

With experience, you learn what the cries mean. I have a two month old girl and a two year old boy. As long as I know that she isn't crying because she is wet, hungry, or uncomfortable, I will let her cry because I have another child to take care of, too. My son never got a chance to cry because if he was awake, I was right there. But when you have two, you have to let them cry a little, or you will never get anything accomplished. I am sure she will turn out just as good as my son. Maybe a little better because she will learn to occupy herself. I have a rotten little two year old.