I expect I'll get a couple smart *** responses to this question, but I'd genuinely like to know what most people think regarding this particular thing.
It should be noted that I like sex. (Who doesn't?) Well, my boyfriend doesn't, that's who.
Let me re-phrase that. Alarm bells went off when we first were dating (we have now been together a little over a year) when he told me sex was over-rated. !!!!????
Over the course of our relationship, I have found sexual intimacy to be a problem - it is something I am missing with him.
When we do have sex, which is about once a week, it is usually just for his benefit and he very rarely tries to do anything for me.
I certainly have never encountered this with anyone before, so have nothing with which to compare it. I have had other long term relationships though, where this has never happened and I am a VERY sexual person. I have pointed it out to him numerous times and it gets better for a while, but it only lasts a few days, if that.
2006-08-05 21:02:49 · 19 answers · asked by Brownie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think it's normal for men to think sex is overrated...is it?
That's my big question here.
That and the fact that here I am not only dying to have more of it with him, but to have more of it where I feel as though we're actually CONNECTING.
I know he loves me, but the lack of intimacy in that respect is really beginning to affect our relationship.
I have told him time and time again, but it doesn't get better.
He even went 2 weeks once without coming near me and for NO REASON.
When I got sick of it and pointed it out, he said maybe it was because our sex life had gotten boring. I don't think I have ever come across another woman who likes sex as much as I do, so trust me, that was saying a lot!!!
I have never hears that from anyone before and my friends can't believe he even said it, as they all know how much I love it.
Did I just get stuck with a dud??
'Cause I think I did.
(By the way, we are both in our early 30's.)
2006-08-05 21:07:54 · update #1
Ok, by the way. I do PLENTY for him, trust me. I am not boring and just because I like it does not mean I am intimidating.
Also, his ex wife cheated on him and that did a number on him. When I have brought up some particular things regarding this issue, he has actually said she has said the same things. I don't condone cheating, by any means, but one has to wonder why she did it. There had to have been a reason. I don't think he is in the closet nor do I think he was molested. I just think he's got some major emotional issues left over from his divorce and what she did to him.
Still, that was 3 years ago and I don't think there's any excuse.
2006-08-05 21:31:31 · update #2
This is only going to cause problems down the road... You need to either:
1) Work this out for good... Temporary solutions are just that, temporary...
2) Leave him... Sexual incompatibility will just leave you unsatisfied and unhappy...
2006-08-05 21:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by HONORARIUS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you only get sex about once a week , and it is usually for his benefit , There is the problem.
If he thought sex was over rated and didn't care for it , he would have no needs to fulfill. The issue sounds more personal and I think that his love for you is fake.
Why this is happening is beyond me , he may have something on the side , or he might not be turned on by females.
I'm not saying that I think he is gay or anything but his sexuality is certainly in question.
Another point to look at is , are you intimidating him with your sexuality?
2006-08-06 04:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have been sexually abused as a child, or his last girlfriend were harsh on him. This would give him a less than favorable view on sex. Try asking him what he likes. Try getting some xxx movies. Communication is the best thing here, and lots of positive reinforcement.
2006-08-06 04:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Goblue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this kinda thing normally only happens after you get married...haha. yeah, well from the sounds of it your concerned. im a sexual person myself, but i think its different guy-girl as opposed to girl-guy and ive never heard of a dude who didnt like sex. hmmm...well the best thing to do is talk it over with your guy. i mean, if you cant see yourself in a relationship with a guy like this because of that, then its best to let him know. i would talk first before you make a decision but at least let him know that your concerned and if he doesnt start showing some interest, that you cant stay with him. because something like this will eventually start branching out into other areas of the relationship. if hes continually leaving you unsatisfied youll start resenting him for that and itll carry over into other parts of your relationship. definitely talk to him. if he loves you, if he cares, hell make the extra effort. if not, find a guy who can be what you need.
2006-08-06 04:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by af4sguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it's not a good thing if you are a sexual person!! People say there's more to a relationship than sex, but damn, it's important!!
If you can't fix this, it will eventually become a huge issue... if he's not into sex as much as you are, then maybe you should find someone you have more in common with!
Good Luck!
ALoha!
2006-08-06 04:09:53 · answer #5 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this - Cause I love it too - But it sounds like he is a closet flamer. Becareful kissing him - you dont know where his lips been at last. Check out my profile on yahoo (ItalianKIngofHearts) I'm available for the fullfillment of needs =)
2006-08-06 04:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by ItalianKingofHearts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he thinks sex is over rated because he probly does not get anything from it....its not all about you!!!you have to do something for him evry once in a while(if you know what i mean)
and you haveto tell him how you feel guys are pertty stupid whenit come to sex.point a guy in the right direction
2006-08-06 04:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by farlen323 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Your bf was been rape or molested. He need to get help because it will always be a problem in the relationship. Something has happen to him. You need to help him or just be friends because you will continue to have problems
2006-08-06 04:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by hi-bri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is important in a relationship because otherwise you are just friends. also, this guy sounds like he sucks, would you like to go out for drinks sometime, I live in Arizona 30 years old
2006-08-06 04:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there are a lot of gay guys out there who get gfs or even get married in order to appear straight to be socially acceptable. sad but true. most of those guys go for anal sex. but not all.
2006-08-06 04:10:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋