Have you ever had a friend that commited suicide?

Question

And did you feel like you should have believed them if they said something about it in the past but you dismissed the statement thinking that it wouldnt happen? Did you think about all the things you should have done to prevent it, and did you love and miss them sooooo much that you feel like you would do ANYTHING if it meant you could be with them again or show you're sorry?

Answer 1

Honey, I told this friend that I was ready to check myself out....he told me he understood. I didn't know he was suicidal....2 weeks later he did! Jacob was only 20 years old...I try to celebrate life now...in his memory....
Blessed Be...we cry for our own loss.

Answer 2

Yes... there is nothing you could have done outside of being a good friend (different than being a "perfect" friend -- there is no perfect person). Unfortunately, none of us has the capability of making life worth living for anyone other than ourselves. It can take a long time and a lot of "could have, would have, should have" thinking before you can get over something so tragic.

I have fought clinical depression myself and during those times I have even said to people I know "I should just kill myself." What is a friend supposed to do in this situation -- have me committed? That wouldn't make me less depressed, I can guarantee that! I know that no matter what well-meaning friends and relatives try to do to help, it is up to the individual to find happiness and meaning in life within themselves! This is really hard to do for everyone at some point in their life. This can be due to an actual chemical imbalance in your brain or other medical causes, or from traumatic experiences or stress.

Without even knowing anymore specifics than what you wrote, I can honestly say that you are NOT the reason your friend killed themselves. Just the fact that you loved this person enough to mourn them so heavily... even if you feel that you "should have..." just realize that you did more than most just by sincerely caring, and that everyone make mistakes, and only hindsight is 20/20.

Try to celebrate this person's life and what they meant to you -- do something in their honor that would make them proud... but whatever you do STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!

Answer 3

Before I reached the age of 25, I had had at least a dozen friends and acquaintances commit suicide. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem...but you can't hold it against them and if they really intend to do it, you cannot stop them, no matter how hard you try or who you tell. If someone is talking about it, then they do want help and you should tell anyone you can who can help them...but it is not in your power to make them want to live. It is not your guilt to own, dear. Your sorrow will never go away but surely you can cherish the good memories of them...and put away the sadness, and live your life in a way in which they would have been proud to be your friend, had they only stuck around.

Answer 4

Two years ago my mentor and professor committed suicide. She was an amazing woman that inspired me to be the best teacher I can be. She challenged me to go beyond what were the basics and make changes to the very essence of education. I had just attended a conference with her where I presented my research and I felt so honored that she had recommended me for the forum. My fiance had been very severely injured and was going in for surgery. The doctors only gave him a 30% chance of surviving the spinal surgery. I was so wrapped up in his surgery I didn't notice anything different about my professor. That good friday he went in for surgery and she went to mass. He came out and was able to walk to the recovery room even though he had gone into the surgery paralyzed. My professor went to a national park and doused herself in gasoline then lit herself on fire. I was so happy to have my fiance back that I ignored the news and outside world for the weekend. I found out on Monday minutes before I taught my first class. The class I had with my professor was that evening. I drove to the campus to attend an impromptu memorial service for her. Though I know deep down in my heart that her pain was something she hid from all including her dearest friends - I still hold guilt that I missed something, or worse traded her life for my fiance's. I miss her so very much and I wish that I could have some way to tell her how much her love and support meant to me. I find some comfort knowing that I am furthering causes she believed in and helping kids she cared about.

Answer 5

I have had a few friends commit suicide. The main thing is to be aware of what they are saying. I thought of many things I could have done to prevent it. Americans seem to have a forgetful mentality and when a tragedy happens, we tend to forget that it could happen again.

Education of the signs of suicide are key. Once a person decides to take his or her own life, then there is nothing we can do for that person. Sorry.

Answer 6

I have never had that experience but I can tell you that there is nothing you could've done. I know you wish there was and you feel terrible about not listening to them but you couldn't have done anything for them.They felt terrible about something in their life and they wouldn't have listened to you because they just didn't want to deal with anything anymore and they thought that they would be better off dead. Maybe something happened to them that you didn't have any idea about like, they could have been molested or somethig like that and they just couldn't get over it. Nobody knows why some people commit suicide but you just have to hope they are in a better place and that they are finally happy. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

My 2nd husband's father - I did not know him, but I know the guilt and shame it left on his wife and my husband as they continually felt like they should have done something more. I had a friend for her 40th birthday commit suicide - I had moved away and wasn't there - but when I heard of it I was greatly saddened as I knew she had finally allowed beatings, drugs, and alcohol to truly take her life, even though she pulled the trigger. She had talked about all the years we had been neighbors and friends, as I too was a beaten wife, and I think I knew someday she probably would, but she didn't want to change - I did, I got out. I begged her to leave with me, but she had already become enslaved - I had stayed clear of giving in to the drugs and alcohol - I knew I didn't want to turn 30, she was ten years older than me and when we celebrated, he hit her so hard I thought she would lose the eye, I didn't want to turn 30 and still live that way - it took me three more years to get out. It leaves you feeling very helpless, but they were the ones who made the choice to not seek hope - no matter how much hope you offer, they have to want it for themselves. She didn't. Your pain is so fresh and hurts so deeply, but write a simple line down where you will always remember, if my friend had chosen hope - it's your reminder to always choose hope - there are always solutions that don't have to be permanent. That simple phrase carried me through years later when I became suicidal and was making plans. As I was cleaning out things and returning things to family members, I came across that simple piece of paper - it made me stop cold and think about what I was doing. I got help. None of us are exempt from feeling at some point in life that maybe there is no hope anymore - but keep the reminder - if my friend had chosen hope.

Answer 8

When I was a little girl my favorite cousin committed suicide, I missed him very much, it was the first funeral I ever attended. I didn't know why he had done it, but after seeing my uncle in action with his other 2 boys, I began to understand that it was more than he could bear. I would never kill myself just because I missed someone. First it is a gift from God and not mine to take, second I love life to much to kill myself and end it..

Answer 9

Well. I had a friend who died alone under very mysteries circumstances. Just a week before, he went around to everyone he knew; just to touch base with them if only for a short while. If i knew then what i know now; i'd probably choose different words to say. I suppose if it made any difference i'd shell out some money for a more permanent grave marker, but it doesn't. They're gone. Maybe visiting their parents from time to time would be a good gesture.
Whoa! My friend died 4 years ago ...today.

Answer 10

I had a friend that I worked with for eight years. We were both nurses. He began stealing narcotics. I missed all the signs that were right in front of me. He got caught and went home and killed himself. As a professional nurse with years of mental health training I did not see it coming. I was devastated and also wondered what I could of done differently. Life really sucks sometimes. It is what you do with the experience that counts. I now sponsor nurses that are addicted to narcotics through a program to get them clean. I do this for my friend and for me.
I would love to turn back time to bring him back but that is not reality, we just need to go on. I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 11

YOU CAN NOT FEEL GUILTY!!! Everyone jokes around and says things like they haqd such a bad day at work that they wanted to kill themselves. Unless your friend came right out and asked you to get help for him, then you did nothing wrong. It sucks, and you have every right to be angry at your friend for doing that to the people that loved him or her. My best friend who was clean off drugs for a long time relapsed, and after about six months overdosed on heroin and died. we were best friends for ten years, but during that six months I told him I couldnt watch him kill himself and stayed away from him which was hard, but he didn't want help. NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! You shouldn't want to do anything to be with that person, because they obviously couldnt care about you at all they were focused on themselves and ultimately they committed the most selfish act of all. there is no honor in suicide and those people should be forgotten about because they gave away the most precious thing you ever have, GO LIVE YOURLIFE!!!