How do I explain to my kid that Daddy's not like everybody else?

Question

My kid's mother and I aren't together, so he knows nothing of my religious practices, or anything else about my way of life, and his mother won't talk about it. So naturally, he's come to me asking questions. He knows that I'm not Christian, like his mother, but that's it. How should I go about explaining it to him? He just turned 6. And don't sit there and say that people like me, i.e. Satanists, shouldn't have kids. I'm a better father than most people I know.

Ha, I never married her. To tell you the truth, we weren't even in a relationship. It was a fling, that's all.

The fact that I had a kid with a woman who is now a Christaian(she wasn't when I met her)isn't the issue. The issue is, my kid has been asking questions. I have a friggin tattoo on my arm that's visible, and he wants to know what it means. I want to be honest with him, but he is 6 years old, and I don't want to traumatize him.

Answer 1

Ultimately, your religious practices (no matter WHAT they are, or may be) shouldn't be a determining factor in how you and your child interact, unless you belong to one of those religions where you are required to eat children...which last time I checked, there wasn't any such religion. So since you don't belong to a child eating religion/philosophical discipline, you are probably just overanalyzing your situation and beating yourself up over the possibility of becoming tongue-tied.

As for how to explain the differences in your beliefs from his mother's that's fairly easy. Let him lead with questions. He may not ask the typical questions. (Kids seldom ask "typical" questions, and if they're precotious, they ask the questions you LEAST expect to answer...things like what color socks you wear on Tuesdays, or something like that.) But the thing to remember is that YOU are the authority on what YOU believe and how YOU live, so no one is more fit to answer questions about such things than you are! My only real advice then, is don't get too exuberant about such explanations. Keep all answers to all questions simple, otherwise you're gonna be spending the entire day answering questions rather than doing fun things (to a 6 year old mind) like eating ice cream and candy and playing superheros or something. Ultimately though, just be a dad, whether or not you're like everyone else is irrelevant. You're his dad, and from the tone of your question, I can tell that you love your kid. Just do that. Love him, cherish his childhood because he's only gonna be 6 years old once in his life, so give him something really nice, really cool, and really fun to remember about this time...something he can hold on to when he's an adult and makes his own conscious decisions about what he chooses to believe. Follow your gut. You already know how you "should" answer any questions, so just trust that. You have apparently done so in other situations...a situation with your own kid is gonna be more emotionally charged, of course (duh, because he's your kid) but this changes nothing. It just makes it feel different, and maybe you're worried that his opinion of you is more important than MY opinion of you. This is a good feeling, and it's a right feeling, it just tells you that your kid is important to you, and that his understanding of who and what you are is more emotionally significant than MY understanding of who and what you are. Hold on to that, and eventually HE will tell you specifically how to answer his questions. And maybe it would help to take the appraoch that gay fathers take when explaining themselves to their children. Tell them the difference between what is real and what other people say, and show them those differences by letting them see and experience all of the good, wonderful, and happy elements of your life. Just keep it simple.

Answer 2

At 6, he's not really mature enough to understand the philosophical and dogmatic differences between Christianity (I'm assuming that she's Christian even though that's not very clear) and Satanism so there's not a lot that you can explain. All he'll really understand is that you worship the "guy" that his mom and her church considers the bad guy, the evil guy, who lives in hell. You know what's appropriate for your son, so keep any discussion at his age level. If you have any practices or rituals that are age appropriate, you can do them when he's with you and when he asks what you're doing, you can tell him what the ritual is for.

Probably, the best thing to do is explain that you worship a different god than his mother and you do it differently, then leave further talks for a few more years.

In my world, I explained to my son that religion is a choice and I chose a different one than his father has. I haven't explained all of the reasons why or what, entirely, my religion does because he doesn't get the idea of meditation. He does understand that I believe there is no god and that it's okay with me if he chooses to believe differently than I do when he grows up enough to choose what to believe. I do ask, whenever the topic comes up, that when it's time, for him to consider all religion, not just the one his father and grandmother are teaching him, before making a choice.

It's also important that you don't malign either his mother or her religion, even though she'll be doing that with yours. That'll show him that you're not the evil person her congregation will make Satanists out to be. If you have an amicable enough relationship, maybe you can work it out between the two of you.

Answer 3

Religion is the same in any form. It is up to each person if they want it or not. That is why we all have a free will. The free will to choose how and to whom they want to pray too. The age of accountability will also come into play here, most people has an set age but the age is how far along they are mentally. It could be 6 or 10 or even 20. No matter what any religion can not be force on anyone (it's that dam free will bit again). You child will make up his own mind when he is ready. You can tell him about what you do and show him but also don't get upset when his mother do the same. Bottom line is he is your and his mother child and not some prize to be won in a religious race.

Answer 4

Well, at six he needs very basic information. Kids at that age really can't grasp the bigger picture, if you get what I'm saying. So, keep it simple and answer his questions honestly as they come up. Remember one thing, when he asks you questions that are obviously not coming from his little 6 year-old head don't be angry with him. He'll get fed the same line of BS about your beliefs that most of us get. You're in a position to correct the misinformation and that's great. Just be patient with him and realize that like most people, he'll have society's views shoved at him too. Once he sees that daddy is nothing like what people make Satanists out to be, he'll understand more.

Just be good to your kid and answer him like any good parent would. Whether the subject is sex or religion or any other touchy subject, kids deserve the truth.

Answer 5

Oh, good grief, explain things exactly the way they are; maybe he'll be one person who actually has some sort of factual (not sensationalist) knowledge about Satanists! What are your reasons for being a Satanist? I'm guessing they're what you think of as the "high points" or the "good points" or whatever of your religion; start with those; explain why you chose what you did; it just might make sense to him. And if not, fine, but he'll at least know a little bit about a subject about which so many people are so blithely ignorant.

Answer 6

Although I am a Christian, I do know that the basis of Satanism ISN'T necessarily worshipping Satan. It is, more or less, serving one's SELF. It's doing and worshipping what is most pleasing to YOU.

If you are a good father, you don't want your son knowing about that quite yet, due to the fact that he doesn't have the maturity to follow the rules if he has a religious guideline like Satanism influencing him (until he is old enough to make his own decisions, he needs to follow the rules that are most constant in his life. When he's old enough to make wise and informed decisions, you should tell him).

Kids aren't as naive as we were. I can guarantee you that he'll figure out what that tattoo means. If he does, you can tell him what it stands for, but don't go into too much detail until you know that he is mature enough to handle it.

I don't support or condone Satanism, but I DO support honesty with one's child.

Answer 7

There is a big difference between being "not Christian" and being a Satanist. It might be a good idea to start with the "not Christian" part and wait until he is older to explain what Satanism is....particularly if you are going to explain the rituals.

I read your additional details where you said that your goal is to not traumatize your son. I was very glad to hear that as a close friend was traumatized by her grandfather who was a Satanist. He has been dead for about 25 years, but she is still trying to come to terms with the things he exposed her to.

Answer 8

Explain your religion. Don't just yea , I'm a satanist. A child can say that. What is it you do? How do you practice your religion? I think you just like the word. Grow up, or actually talk about what it is that you do? Did you read a book once in your public library? Did you get a skull tatoo? WOW! Did you have to create something to be a part of of cause your such a dork & nobody liked you. Do you wear black clothes & wear make up? Your crazy dude, a satanist. Yeah right......Nice try. I know your type

The Kid emailed me & said he would talk....LOL about what? wearing black clothes & sitting in his room by himself in his parents house reading a book from the library on saturday night, cause he has no friends. What a freak.

Answer 9

Those thugs on the Westboro Baptist Church are reduce from the identical material as Jeremiah Wright. If you rather think they're Christians you could have an additional consider coming. Christians don't act that manner. They are working below the guise of Christianity. I guarantee you this isn't within the Bible. However, Kill the infidels is within the Koran! PC is a drug the liberals retain to swallow and spew. Of direction, I believe O'Reilly, it used to be Muslims on nine/eleven. I consider everyone knows after 10 years have handed that's used to be Radical extremists who flew planes into the dual towers, and killed Americans, will we rather must expound on that?. MR

Answer 10

I agree with the people who say that he is too young to understand this concept. Concentrate on being the good father that you are and spending quality time with your child unfocused on the religious basis. One thing you mentioned is that the mother won't talk about it, but in most states, both parents have to come to some sort of agreement (depending on your custodial arrangements) as to what sort of religion the child will be brought up with. So at some point you and the mother are going to have to discuss this. And when he is old enough, both of you should find a way to discuss with him all the different sides of religion, etc. and let him make his own choices as to what he wants to believe and not believe...don't push him into something...if he wants to believe in God...let him...

Answer 11

I agree, most of the Christians I've seen are what people call "satanists"!! Honestly, he may be too young to understand your choices, maybe when he's older you can explain your beliefs honestly and openly. I respect the fact that you are trying to be a good dad...can't say that about most "Christians". For now, just tell him that Daddy has different beliefs than Mommy and when he's older you will explain to him when he is able to understand them better. Keep being a good dad and be honest with your children and they will love and respect you--no matter what!