Ok so my dad and I have always been realy close. He has always stood by me and he is understanding. My dad was my hero and best friend. Well I am almost 15 now and I am turning into a normal teenage girl like most girls do. But my dad has totally changed. He pretty much is just forgeting about me and he moved on to my little brother who is 6. He stoped taking me places, he stoped buying me gifts, and he pretty much never talks to me. Its like I am all grown up. When I ask if he wants to get some lunch he says he is busy but then he takes my brother to work and lunch with him. My mom even thinks my dad is acting strange. I try to talk to her about what I should do but she is no help at all. So my dad and I are just falling apart. The only time I talk to him is when he needs to talk to me. Its realy sad because I miss our daddy and daughter bond. Any ideas what I could do to make my dad understand that I still need him and that I am not all grown up yet?
2006-08-05 16:42:58 · 40 answers · asked by Tess D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Print out this question on put it somewhere he will find it.
2006-08-05 16:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by Skylark 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There is a great possibility that he doesn't realize that he has changed toward you at all. No offense to your dad--or men in general--but they are a dense species, and tend to view things one-sided. They are also very territorial and possessive, so if they feel attacked or threatened in any way, they immediately go into fight-or-flight, instead of thinking things through.
Also, now that your brother is getting older, maybe your dad feels like he is developing more in common with him. I'm certain that your dad wants to be close to your brother, as he is to you.
However, you are growing up now, and if your dad doesn't get his act together, he'll lose out on so much cool stuff with you, and he won't have any clue until it's too late! Have you tried sitting and making him listen? How about trying to talk to a school counselor? Your counselor will listen carefully, and if you want, he or she will call your dad in when you're ready and the three of you will talk confidentially. If the counselor blows you off or doesn't seem to take you seriously, then he or she needs to be fired. I'm serious.
Good luck. Your dad is lucky to have a daughter who is concerned about the relationship!
2006-08-05 16:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, your dad might just be afraid of his almost grown up I'm sure beautiful not a little baby girl that needs his every bit of assistance teenage girl. I'm a mom of a teenage boy and we are kind of having the same problem. I tried to be in his world a little bit but I didn't seem to fit there anymore. So I've just given him some room to breathe and grow. I do however get hurt with him, and sometimes resentful that he would rather be with his friends than hang out with me like he used to, but I know he's just growing into his own world right now. Just give your dad some time. Your growing up means he has to readjust his way of looking at you and thinking of you like (not as a little girl). It's just as hard for a parent to find a comfort zone with changes in life. I think you should just tell him you miss your relationship with him. Maybe he doesn't realize that he is neglecting you. Talk to him about it. It' s the only way to clear the air. Good luck sweetie.
2006-08-05 16:54:56 · answer #3 · answered by lamp062400 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes 'dad' does not quite know how to react when his little angel starts maturing in her body, and that change scares him! So If I were you, I'd try to write down that you miss your daddy-daughter bond and would like to spend some quality time with daddy -- even if it is just talking over lunch at a fast food restaurant. He will most likely respond positively to that (and be very sure to tell him you care about him too). Most dads (and even moms) do not hear from their teenagers that they love and respect them much these days. Just a little extra effort to be nice (including taking on more chores at home -- without being asked will be something that both parents I am sure will talk about!) could also help improve that father-daughter bond.
2006-08-05 16:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he feels uncomfortable around you now since you aren't a little girl. He probably has no idea what to talk to you about. Go to your Dad and ask him "why do we not hang out anymore. Why won't you go places with me anymore? I miss our times together and I want you to know that I am not all grown up."
The only thing you can do is be up front and direct with him. If he still wont change or try then there is nothing more you can do. Maybe your dad has other problems/ issues going on that you dont know about.
2006-08-05 17:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well hon i think that your father has no idea how to deal with you at your age. You see before I think it was that you were daddy's little girl and it was easier to relate to you as a child, what he saw you as but now that you are growing and developing he probably is unsure of how to deal with that fact also it could be a case where he thinks you are getting older and doesn't need him as much so he's hanging with your little bro now. I like the suggestion that someone else gave about printing out your question, but I also like to do things the straight forward way, that is confront the person, let him know how he's making you feel, ask him directly if you've done something wrong, ask someone else outside your home but knows both of you to help mediate or get family counseling but whatever you do, do it with love. All the best, I'll be praying for you.
2006-08-05 16:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by diva anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but that is just really sad, you should really stop him from what hes doing and say "dad I miss it when you talk to me" He really has to know what is going on with you and him. Maybe its because he feels that he used to spend so much time with you that now he has a son that he wants to talk to, like sports and you know, guy stuff. You should just realize that you've also got a little brother. And you should maybe start bonding with your mom a little bit. Just relax and try to talk. I bet it will be better in the end.
2006-08-05 16:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey hun, well maybe he thinks that since ur getting older u would want ur own space, i think u should write him a letter..actually..i think even better u need to tell him u wrote here looking for advice and show him exactly what u wrote..he needs to sit down with u and talk, and realize that this is really hurting u..i think if u tell him exactly what u said on here..this will work..Also u have to realize that ur little brother now needs the same attention as u did..but he needs to kno that u still need him, and u always will!!
Good Luck Love okay...
2006-08-05 16:55:33 · answer #8 · answered by AYSA L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad and I were close and we always disagreed on many things and he did just what your dad is doing to you, ignoring you and thinking that well "you are all grown up".
Your father really needs to understand that you are at a time you need him most, especially now that you are going to high school and dating; you need your dad to advise you and get you through your most difficult time in your life and the most exciting time of your life.
First, get his attention! When you talk to him make sure he is making eye contact with you and not fiddling with the paper or on the cell with your brother and/or being distracted by anything else in the house. Your father needs to understand that you really need him NOW especially when it comes to dating.
My father had a real strange way with dealing with my dates; he would ask them to come 10 minutes earlier to have a "chat" with them. This usually happened while I was getting dressed or getting ready to go out. These "chats" really made these guys respect me for what I was and in his own way, he always protected me and my interest at heart. Your father needs to understand and maybe, with your mom's help. you should all chat and find out why he's ignoring you.
It appears to me that your father feels that your brother being younger than you, maybe he feels that younger children need his time and after a certain age, your on your own. That's what I am seeing in your question. Have your mom or someone you know he listens to talk to him and make him understand that what he is doing is wrong.
2006-08-05 17:13:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad to hear that. But have you both really sit down and talk about it? I know it's difficult, just to initiate a conversation based on the topic itself, but it is worthwhile to try.
I have this idea, but I do not know if it is going to work out. Get him a CD -- Bob Carlisle's Butterfly kisses. It's a very special song for Father and daughter that never fail to make me cry... (oh no.. I am full of tears now just thinking of it!). Wrap it up in a nice gift wrap, and give it to him with a card, just placing it on his bed or office table. Let it be a surprise, it does not have to be any occasion. Just write on the note, that you discover this song, and you would like to share with him...
Don't be sad. God bless you, you are just such a lovely girl..
2006-08-05 16:55:25 · answer #10 · answered by Pencil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him the truth about the way you feel. Tell him that you are hurt and ask him why he is not close to you any more. I know when I became a teenager my dad did the same thing. But that is because he did not think we had any thing in common any more.
Until I talked to him about the way I feel. So just pull him aside and talk to him. Good luck.
2006-08-05 17:16:05 · answer #11 · answered by raquelshappy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋