I have a problem. Every girl who I want to get romantically involved in only sees me as their best guy friend.

Question

I want to know how I can get rid of this "friend" label. Any suggestions or ideas?

Answer 1

Give it time...you didn't say how old you were or give any real information. As for what you did provide...I can only say, give it time. Perhaps you have not fully evolved yet, enough for them just yet but they like you? It's a start...be patient.

Answer 2

I think subconsciencely a woman is not looking for a man that is sympathetic and will hold there hand and tell them that they're too good for whats-his-name or that the fight she just had with her mom will pass and giving any advice on all kinds of subjects. Sure that's great after you have established an intimate relationship with a man. To see there more loving and caring side. Take charge. Be more dominate. I remember my "guy friend" kinda submissive around me. He let me have total control when I was with him. He was just toooo sweet.

If you are that guy she's runs to, to open the flood gates to, and tell you all her problems to, and knows she can count on you to give her advice - Then try a more manly approach next time, like. "Who is he? cause I'm gonna stomp his !@$." or be the one that don't say anything at all - When I'm upset and go to my b/f, I don't expect any advice, only big strong arms, the !@$wooping threats on whoever made me cry, and, of course, the occasional, confusing, uncomfortable look of "what am I supposed to do now?"

I say that because naturally women want a protector, it's instinct, I think. They want to know that you can take care of them. And even if you know that you can already, they need to know it too. Empty threats are just as effective (you don't really have to beat any one up).

I had a best guy friend for several years and we even had some drunken slobbery kisses that I always laughed about the next day, because it was, Justin. Years into our friendship he finally confronted me about how he had a crush on me all those years and that I had even hurt his feelings, because those kisses were important to him. He asked me why I never gave him a chance, and I told him that I never thought of us in that way. And looking back on those five or six years that we were inseperable, even though we both went through several g/f's and b/f's. He was always there for me.

This may not help you out any, but I do regret not trying it out, at least to see if there was any physical chemistry. Now that I am a little older and a little more mature I have learned to appreciate those qualities more. And Justin is now a happily married to a woman that appreciated his kindness and overlooked his sympathetic "guy friend" qualities, that I thought were strickly friendship qualities.

It has been my opinion that guys just make better best friends sometimes, because they don't tell your secrets and usually can give good advice without being downright brutally honest. They don't start rumors for no reason, and are usually more open-minded and it doesn't hurt that they have a guys perspective, even if it is a little bias.

I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're at least still in your early twenties, because I think that as time goes by and these women that have been through a few bad apples will start seeing past the "guy friend" exterior and see you for who you are and everything you have to offer.
In the meantime, don't change who you are, maybe just try to express it more boldly, and Remember, you can talk to them to. Find a girl that knows you well, preferably someone you are not attracted to, even someone in a relationship already, and ask her advice for a change. Don't wine, and ask her to help you find someone, because that never works. Simply say "__________, I am lost when it comes to what women want, I need your advice."
Even go so far as to ask what it was that attracted her to her b/f.

Good Luck
~kendra~

Answer 3

First of all, make sure she's available. If she's already in love with someone else, you probably won't have a chance. If she's single, you may be so nice and respectful that they honestly don't know you're interested in a romantic relationship. I would NOT recommend being a jerk. Only a sad, desperate woman would fall for that. Do you really want someone like that?

Maybe you could flirt with the girl. Show her that you have romantic possibilities. Make eye contact and smile. Be romantic: open doors for her, pick a daisy and hand it to her, compliment her. Try not to give too many compliments about her looks. A few may be fine, especially if she asks your opinion about some physical aspect. However, give more emphasis to traits like kindness, generosity, sense of humor, dedication to some activity... anything that shows you see her as a person and not just a sexy body. One of the best compliments is to listen to her and show her you understand and respect what she says. When you talk, if you seem to be hitting it off, make physical contact in a way that isn't threatening or overly pushy, but is personal. If they think of you as a friend, putting your hand on her hand or arm for a moment while laughing over a joke or to comfort her will be okay with her. Be playful and she may flirt back. If she initiates contact by hugging you or teasing or wrestling, go with it, it's a good sign. But be careful about overdoing it. Don't push unwanted contact on her, if she becomes uncomfortable, back off. Gently try respectful contact again later when she's comfortable. If there's any good reason to ask her to dance, do so. Showing any dancing skills you have and being close while dancing is a relatively safe way of showing her you are a prospective date. Other activities that encourage closeness can also make her look at you differently.

Also, make sure you look and smell your best when you are around her. You will not get anywhere with her if she is offended by poor hygiene or thinks you have poor self-esteem. Confidence makes you more attractive to others. You don't have to have model looks to be noticed, just let your best features shine, like a great smile or soulful eyes or even a fit physique. All the women who are worth pursuing will find an average-looking guy with a compatible and great personality datable.

If you are her "best guy friend", she probably already likes your personality, but make sure you two are really compatible too. Opposites may attract, but you have to have some important things in common, too. If you have shown her that you are a datable guy and she still doesn't show interest in you romantically, you may just not be right for each other. But all is not lost, she probably has girlfriends that are looking for a great guy and she'll be more likely to set you up with one of them. Many girls have to deal with guys who only want to sleep with them and don't care about them as people, so they have to be careful about who they date. If a woman's good friend trusts a guy enough to set her up with him, he'll stand out from the crowd and have a better chance.

Also, treat all women with respect, even those you aren't interested in romantically. There's nothing more disgusting than a guy who is "sweet" to the girls he wants and rude to the women he's not pursuing or who have not returned his interest. A guy who does that is a selfish, shallow, repulsive creep.and women can see right through his insincerity. Since you have the "friend" label, my guess is you are a good guy and deserve to find a girl who appreciates you and you will. Don't worry, there is someone for you.

Answer 4

Usually when women label you as a friend, they don't see you as husband material. So ask yourself, if you were a woman, would you marry you?

Are you relatively good looking (Clean body and oral hygiene, nice clothes)? Do you have a good personality? Are you financially stable? Do you have illegitimate children? Ex-spouses? Do you know how to take a woman out and treat her as a woman and not one of the guys?

If you are doing well in all those things, then maybe you just haven't met the right one for you yet. It's a cliche I know, but cliches get that way by being true.

Answer 5

okay, don't change the way you are at all...it's obvious you are a great person if you are such a good friend to so many people.

BUT...every once in a while...don't be there for someone when they need you...or be a d*ck....or make an a**hole comment....

don't do it too often or then they may start disliking you or percieving you as mean...but trust me, women love men that they can't have and that they know will treat them poorly (at least sometimes....it gives them something to work towards....to try and transform a d*ck into a boyfriend) but if you are boyfriend material from the start then that ruins the game.

Just....I dunno it's hard to explain, but stop being the NICE GUY!! let them know (without words, of course) that if they want your sympathy and compassion and loooovin, that they have to work towards it!

Answer 6

You must send out the "friend" vibe. Either that or you are just a really nice guy so lots of girls like you as a friend. I wish I could help you more, but I am having the same problems--guys that notice me romantically are complete creeps, and the ones that are interesting are my best friends. Wish it could change, but, well, if you find the answer, let me know :).

Answer 7

It's tough to shake a friend label. Perceptions are formed early and often difficult to break. The trick is to be more stand-offish and create tension upon meeting them. This doesn't mean you have to be a jerk, just less of a "nice" guy or pushover. Bust their balls a little, tease them. Create some tension. Like Vince Vaughn says in Swingers: be the guy in the R-rated movie.

If there's a certain girl who sees you as a friend and you want to shake that, do something to drastically change her perception of you. I can't say specifically what (I don't know the specifics of your situation), but something to change how she views you.

Answer 8

Oh well, you actually have 4 , count 'em 4, problems. First of all, you are not honest. If you were honest about your feelings, girls would figure it out. Secondly, you are not masculine. If you were manly, women could feel it, this would cause sexual tension when you're around women you're attracked to. Third, you are not sexy. Fourth, you are immature. Only a immature male with a 13-17yr. old's mentality would even ask this question. Grow up, be a man, and treat women with the manliness they crave, and you wont have to ask any more dumb questions!

Answer 9

Here's an idea...I do this all the time because I like to have that "friends first" kind of relationship. Okay, your having a regular playful conversation with one of your interest and all of a sudden, she's about to go. Tell her "don't be away too long, I'll miss you while your gone"...or say the things you would do in a relationship that they are looking for (and be honest about it, don't say it if you don't do it). don't do too much like touching and grabbing and making direct comments about being in a relationship. Try to make it in a sense as if you are looking for the women of your dreams and it seems like they can fit the profile. For example...I would like to be with a guy who everyone would consider their best guy friend but would like to break that mold by being with me...do you know anyone like that?

Answer 10

This friend thing with paitience and a posative attitude will lead to a very special relationship of love and trust. This I know because I used to think of a guy who liked me a lot as a friend and now we are together and doing good and been together for four years so far. Just be patient and let it come naturally.

Answer 11

Define from the beginning that you want to be romantically involved and stick with that. If you allow her to see you as a friend that is what will happen. Make sure she understands what your intentions are even if that means you will not end up as friends.