Four year old...?

Question

Hi. Can anyone give me some examples of how their four year old boy acted at this age? My son is about 4 and a half, and he has changed into a little mad-man, I think! I am so worried that he will be screwed up mentally, you know? He throws horrible tantrums a lot, especially if I have to get him up in the mornings. He has been in the classroom with children who are five or so, and he starts Pre-K next week.. I feel like such a horrible parent because I don' t know what is right and wrong, or what is "normal" for his age, and what is downright disobeying and mean!! I wonder if he respects me at all. I yell at him sometimes (which does not phase him..) and/or I'll spank him on the butt (which sometimes, he will laugh at me while I spank!!) Don't get me wrong, I don't abuse my baby boy, but I'm at a loss right now. My husband is the "strict" one. I guess I'm just basically asking anyone who has experience with a preschooler to give advice and tell me if what my son is doing is normal.

...He is all over the place, very hyper all the time. My husband and I snap at him so much to "stop doing that" or whatever. Could his hyperness just be tiredness from playing all day at school? He has changed so very much from the little boy I remember who was sooo sweet. He back talks now, and everything
Is he normal? This does sound wacky asking on yahoo "answers" about my family problems, but a little advice won't hurt. I can't seem to figure this out on my own. Help?
Thank you.
P.S. Please: no silly little bored teenagers reply... I appreciate it.

Answer 1

For starters you and your husband need to be on the same page with disciplining your child. That is why he is acting out.
There is no structure in his life.
Instead of yelling at him find a naughty chair to put him him and make him stay there for 4 minutes. If he gets up, put him right back in the chair.....do this as many times as it takes and don't back down.
Explain to him why he is there in a calm tone of voice. And make him say he is sorry for his behavior before he comes out of the chair.
Also when speaking to him, get down on his level when you talk to him. Dont tower over him.

Yelling at a child does nothing but make a child act out. Learn to tell him what you expect of him in a normal tone of voice.

Also, if you keep giving into him then the behavior will never stop. make him aware of the fact that you are the parent and his actions are unacceptable.

But the fact that you and your husband are on different pages on what to do with your son is one of the main things wrong.

Answer 2

I remember when my kids were four. My son went through that stage too. However I realized at that time my husband and I were too busy in are work lives. We would come home tired and stressed from the long day at work. Little by little things his day started changing. We started putting him to bed a little later each night, his mornings were rushed and his quality time with us wasn't what it used to be. Having all these little changes might not have been much to my husband and I but to our son his structured day he was used to was all screwed up. He started acting up and because we were at our last wits we reacted. It was like a never ending cycle. We also let him get away with a lot more. For us we had to get back to basics and put us all on a schedule. He is now 14 and we all are doing great. I also have a four and a five yr old now and since we learned our lesson we are more aware of how we are parenting and less on how they are acting. Our two new ones are doing great and when they have they moments they both understand time out.

Good luck... Hope this helps!

Answer 3

He's testing your limits, and from the sounds of things, you don't have many of them set, at least not in his mind. Children need things to really be engraved in stone, they need a concrete line. When they cross the line, and they will, they need a predictable consequence/time out/loss of privilege, etc.

I do not tolerate my children talking back to me. When my children would throw a temper tantrum, I ignored it. They sure as heck didn't get what they wanted that way. Make sure he's getting enough sleep--that could be triggering the morning tantrum. If he's laughing at your while you spank him, it's obviously not real effective, so remove those privileges, toys, whatever. I've found yelling doesn't work too well with kids either, they tune it out very quickly...but a low, serious CALM voice lets them know you mean business and now.

Watch Supernanny on ABC--she's great!!! I think Fox also has a Nanny show that I've seen once or twice.

Here's a couple of websites as well...Good luck!

http://www.parents.com/

http://parenting.ivillage.com/

Answer 4

I think 4 and 5 are the "worst" ages for little boys. They get so mouthy and "bad." They really want to control everything and everyone at that age. It is normal, but I know he will have to settle down before pre-K.

I don't mean to sound critical, but this gets worse if he has been in day care a lot. If at all possible, try to spend more time with him. Believe me I know how hard that is when you are trying to make a living. Let him know what you and your husband expect from him and this is very hard if others have to take care of him during the day.

Good luck, remember this too shall pass. And it is normal, very normal.

Answer 5

My son that is now 7 was a perfect child till he hit about three and then satan possed his body. Nothing was safe he destroye everything and the more I tried to discipline the worse it got. Many times he would laugh when spanked and I would put myself in time out to keep from throttleing him. When he started kindergarten last year his teacher suggested in a nice way that he was adhd so we went to the pediatrician and after several visits she agreed. I did not want him on medication so we tried everything else and so far this is what we have found that although doesn't help 100% does have him more contolable. We got him into karate as it teaches discipline, we put him on a schedule and stick to it we eat at the same time, bed at the same time etc. the pediatrician told us when dealing with a child like this they need more structure in their life and consistency. All kids will test their boundries but when it gets to this point you have to be more assertive. Set rules and stick to them and dont back slide on it. You and dad work as a team and carry through with the same discipline. When your son starts pre-k talk to his teacher and explain what your fears are and make sure she knows you want to know as soon as she suspects a problem. Boys are more outgoing than girls so as long as he can show respect at school and with others it might not be to bad. Good luck

Answer 6

Well I have two little boys ages 6 and 4 (goin' on 5) and my older one threw terrible tantrums and he was in pre-school the teachers asked me to take him to a psychologist and they basically said that I let him get away with everything, which I did. So I started our "time out" where when he acts up I put him in the room by himself, or the corner, and when I go out I leave him with his daddy while I do the shopping and he doesn't get any treats. After a while, and much patience, it finally works. My younger son is in no way as rotten as the first.

Answer 7

I have a son who is now eight who used to be hyper and talk back . Until I started putting him in a chair in the kitchen with no toys, no tv, no music ,no nothing and he would freak if I even mentioned the chair. He would throw himself on the flooor and everything, but I would let him just sit there on the floor until he was done, mind you not looking at him or talking with him while he was doing this , when he calmed himself down, I would pick him up and place him in the chair. But you have to be on top of it every single time he does or says something wrong ,you have to suck it up and just do it, don't be lazy. Also you say his father is the "strict" one, if you don't start being strict with him he will manipulate you for all your worth, kids are smart.

Answer 8

It's difficult to give the sort of advice that would give you the chance to take a deep sigh and relax ... unfortunately, raising kids does not have easy answers.

That said, there is always the possibility that there is something 'hard-wired' into your son and that his actions are symptoms of something that he genuinely cannot control.

I really like the show, Super Nanny, where a nanny works wonders having problems with their kid(s).

Here is the hyperlink:
http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/bios/jo_frost.html

The show has many situations such as you describe. I'm sure that you can find books on effective techniques to deal with your son's behaviours.

But, your question is not an out-of-the-ordinary question. We all love and care for our kids, even when we cannot in any way understand their behaviour.

Good luck to you !!!

Answer 9

I was not consistent with my children, but I watch my daughter who is a pediatrician and I am amazed at her kids wonderful behavior. I have never even heard her raise her voice with either child. Her secret seems to be consistency....they know exactly what the consequences are and she doesn't believe in spanking. Her kids are 2 and 4 and the worst that ever happens is "time out" for maybe 5 minutes. If they do throw a tantrum she just acknowledges their feelings in a soft voice, "I know you want an ice cream cone, but you can't have one right now">she doesn't ever respond in a negative way. (trust me, I wasn't that kind of mom with her)

Answer 10

He's acting out. Does your home have a schedule? A lot of children react positively to having schedules of what is supposed to happen during the course of the day. Are you a stay at home mom? His behavior is not normal. You may want to seek the advice of a child psychologist.

I would try doing just the opposite of what you have been doing. If he starts to act up, just stand up and walk away. If he chases after you, then tell him that he has to stop misbehaving. If he doesn't, the observe what he does. He might have ADHD. I don't know how young they diagnose those types of disorders.