What would you do?

Question

What would you do if you found out one of your relatives was sick and dying? How could you handle it? I'm having trouble...

Answer 1

Well, when I found out that my father was in the advanced stages of a very aggressive form of cancer at first I was shocked, then sad, then angry, then depressed...this is all very normal. I think it depends on your relationship with the person. At the time, I was living on the West Coast and my family was back on the East Coast. I had not left home on good terms with my father. He of course thought that I shouldn't be moving so far away by myself and I of course thought that he was being manipulative and controlling, as I thought he had been all my life. We hadn't spoken much since I had moved. I was hesitant to go back home to see him, despite my sisters' urging. I stubbornly stayed in California while my dad's condition deteriorated back in Massachusetts.

Then one day, I got "the call" that I needed to get home THAT DAY. By the time I got home, just ten hours after receiving the call, my father couldn't speak, he was in and out of consciousness, I barely recognized him, I don't even know if he knew I was there, he never opened his eyes and looked at me. He died just a few hours after I got to the hospital.

I would say, spend as much time as you can with them. Put the past in the past. Tell them the things that you want to tell them and ask them the things that you want to ask them.

God bless.

Answer 2

First of all I wouldn't acknowledge that knowledge unless they share it with you. I suspect THEY KNOW.

I also wouldn't advise suddenly becoming anyone different to them than you ever have been,,, other than to be closer, more respectful, caring, even loving.

There will come a time,,,a point at which the news will be family wide and maybe acceptable to talk about. You don't state your relationship with this relative, so it's difficult to judge or advise.

At some point also, and depending on your closeness, or that allowed by the relative,,, you will be able to chat with them about it, and in those times you need not express feelings that assume they are already GONE, or grieve openly about what will be. Focus as much of your caring on what IS, and what was, in the form of a caring fellowship, and celebration of all that has happened.

We all die, and the process may be more difficult for those left behind? We are more the selfish ones in that regard,,,no offense meant. We wonder, we question, we doubt, we stress before the fact, yet can do little or nothing to change what is inevitable.

In that, we should "celebrate" Not like having clowns at a kids B day party, but talk, learn, share, all they know, all they have been, and experienced, and possibly included you in the process.

There will be time for grief, and healing,,, But the healing part can begin before they leave you, and,,,(tears) they can take you with them, and you can KEEP them, with you, up to and long after they aren't here.

Sigh,,, I'll keep you,,,and them in general, in my prayers.

Rev. Steven

Answer 3

From my experience you can only do the best you can. We aren't all as strong and capable as some people seem to be in these situations. Just be there for them. The worst thing you can do is distance yourself from them. Just tell them that you are there for them whatever they need. Sudden deaths are the worst because you have regrets about what you didn't do. With someone who is sick you have a great opportunity. You may think you can't handle this but look at it from their perspective--what would you want someone to do?

Answer 4

Try to imagine yourself down the road...what would you have wished you had done with the person? Don't be afraid to let the person know you are sad; that's a big reason people avoid sick people, b/c they don't want to cry around them. If you did get upset, they'll just know how much they mean to you, and you can probably get it out and then spend some happy time together.

Answer 5

I'm really sorry about your news. But you could join a club or team to try to get your mind off of things. You can pray, write in a journal how you feel, hang out with friends, think about all of the good times you've had together and all of the good times you could possibly have more of. You can talk to a school councilor, or an adult that you really trust.

Answer 6

Try to see it as a part of life - just like a birth - and I know it is sad , but try not to be caught up in negitive thoughts/actions...don't let it bring you down!!! Let your relative know how you feel while you still have a chance...give them a chance to teach you what they have learned in life (don't avoid them in there dying days just to avoid to saddnes) and let this remind you always , just how thin of a thread that all of our lives are hanging by and take the chance when it is here ....you will never forgive yourself after it is gone...

Answer 7

Call or do a search for a grief counselor and get help. I didnt do it when my father was sick and dying and wish I would've. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well what i can tell you is to take this step by step and you have to fight this through and don't break down.

Answer 9

Read the 23rd psalm.

Answer 10

Its ok Mishy. I know that you love me. lucky for you i love you too. email me sometime at [e-mail]( my sisters computer. shes never on it. she gave it to me and i didnt bother to change it.)