How do I reassure an insecure boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is constantly joking about me having another guy over when he's at work, or me talking to guys online, only sometimes he's not joking. We've been together for 3 months and we are so into each other, and we've talked of getting married. Since I got with him, I've totally given up talking to any other guys, I just don't want to anymore. He knows I love him and am not the kind of person who would cheat on him, but he says he's been cheated on before. Then I say that I am not that other woman, and he says he's heard that before too. I am commited to this man, but I do I make him understand that???? He's getting on my nerves being so insecure. Today he actually asked me if someone came over to my house last night. Then I hung up on him, because I couldn't believe he asked that. We've got a perfect relationship except for this, so i don't want this to be what breaks us up. Anyone been through this before? Will he get better with time?

Answer 1

Actually i kinda have to same problem. Only that i am almost 3 years into my relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, i was the one who was always worrying and getting jealous when he was around other girls, but now the table has turned. It is because i meet a lot of 'guys' at work then he meets 'girls' at work. I totally agree with you, in that you really love him and you know that he loves you and I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend because i'm just not that type of person, but he gets really insecure because his ex cheated on him in the past. Sometimes when i'm chatting to my girl friends on msn, he'll ask who i'm chatting to and sometimes he'll check my past messages to see if i've been chatting to guys. I understand that it can be really annoying because it is!! I think you need to keep reassuring him that he's the only one you love and you have to keep on hammering it in. I guess if you think he's worth all the effort then in the long run - you guys will be fine! good luck!

Answer 2

Girl boom. Atomic Boom. He is sick and will not get better only if he wants to get better. When a man is insecure that means he doesn't trust you. And when he doesn't trust you then he doesn't love you, and when you think that's bad he really hates you. All i'm saying is that he is going to believe what he wants to believe no matter how many times you tell him the truth. He's either looking for a way to get out the relationship or he's just jealous. Jealousy is a hate with no cause. You must be beautiful. When your mate doesn't trust you then he has problems. Problems that only he can deal with. Without trust the relationship has nothing. No communication, no feelings. Maybe feelings of anger. Where is that gonna take you? No where. At this point you need to think about you and rather your happy or not. He's thinking about himself can you see that? If you can't handle his insecurity now then you never will. It's something that he's going to have to work on.

Answer 3

Apparently, you're both insecure. You, because you're thinking of marrying someone after being with him for 3 months. That's an awful short span to get to know someone in depth. You can't talk about commitment when you two have such disparate attitudes towards the same relationship. Commitment is a two-way street: either it's there from the both of you or it's not, no fuss about it.

You can't reassure an insecure person. Before you get to talk with him about his insecurities, you have to overcome yours. Why are you insecure? You say that you feel no wish to talk to other guys. Secure people keep talking to other people, they don't isolate themselves. Only insecure people isolate themselves.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You cannot prove your innocence, no matter how much you modify your behavior to prove it to your boyfriend.
The only thing that can be proved is guilt, and he will keep looking and looking and looking for a hint that you are guilty of some infidelity.
You will never be able to totally convince him!

You just cannot reassure someone who is chronically insecure and suspicious.
It might feel flattering right now, but believe me it is not.
Look at how much you have altered the way you relate to other males right now and you will see this relationship could in no way be described as PERFECT, except for this little matter of his "insecurity".

It is manipulation!

This kind of thing DOES NOT get better with time.
If you marry him, you will live to regret it!
Or things will take an even darker turn and you will find yourself physically endangered, as well as chronically under suspicion.
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN as fast as you can from this relationship.

Answer 5

It's not up to you to reassure his insecurities--in fact, you can't. He is jealous and possessive no matter what you say--there's no magic word that will make him see that you're faithful, so stop trying to say just the right thing. It's his problem--he needs therapy to deal with his issues. If he can't get his s**t together, then give up on him--he may be nice now, but he may turn into an abusive psycho when his little warped mind convinces him that you've been messing around. Take care of yourself and let him take care of himself--sometimes you want something to work, but it's just too messed up and you have to let it go. You deserve somebody who believes you when you tell the truth. You may feel sorry that he was hurt before, but it's not your fault that he was hurt and it's up to him to get over it and have a decent life in spite of past pain.

Answer 6

You can't do anything to fix this. This is something he has to fix. He needs to work on his own insecurity, you can't do it for him.

Also, it's very common for abusers to start off accusing you of seeing other people, and questioning all the time, and never believing what you say. It's just a device to start controlling every breath you take. So be careful.

Answer 7

Rule number 1 if he doesnt trust u now he never will and that goes both ways. You have to start a relationship with trust it seems he doesnt trust anyone and it will only get worse Why should u have to give up your friends for this insecure asshole. All of my best friends are women and have lost some good friends because of guys like that and where are they now in relationships with other guys like that .
Rule number two u dont screw your friends this means u can have male friends and u dont have to screw them Once that starts they become lovers then u fight and break up and start all over again if u screw your friends
Rule number 3 they dont change forget it
Rule number 4 remember rule number 3
Rule number 5 tell the little crybaby asshole to go back and sleep with mommy some more till hes ready for his own woman

Answer 8

JUst keep telling him how handsome and attractive he is to you, and how every other man can't even compare to him. Praise him, never talk about another guy atleast for a while until he gets over this. Tell him that he has to trust that you aren't gonna cheat on him. Tell him that it hurt u that he would think you would.. but never stop praising him! call him up at work, surprise him once and a while...he will get better if you show him that you can be trusted and how much you love him.. it just takes patience and time.. not to mention love..

Answer 9

Been there,done that. And no,it doesn't get better,only worse. It is his insecurities he has to work on. Don't let him make them yours. My boyfriend used to say I was doing things with the meter readers. I could never make him understand that I loved him only. After a time I grew to resent him and we broke up. Thank God we never got married. If he loves you he would trust you. Ever wonder why he really broke up with his other girlfriends?

Answer 10

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It seems to me, that of course you have quite a few trust issues and you are feeling insecure. This is of course not a bad thing! Infact every girl goes through this stage and sometimes can't even get out of this stage. You don't like the fact that he is talking to all of his female friends why? is it because these girls are better than you? they make him laugh? or to try steal him of you?. What i see is good and bad points here so i am going to point them out. Postive: Your boyfriend realised how upset you can be with all his female friends on facebook, he said that you can go through his other messages, email account and even ask this female friend. (This shows, he has nothing to hide! and he is confident to the fact he has done nothing wrong.) Negative: He has a LOT of female friends and you said he responds to flirting. Men don't realise that flirting with other girls while being in a relationship can hurt their partners and to be honest ive been there and even to this day.. i struggle to believe and trust me boyfriend. You'r mind is telling you not to trust this man, why? ask yourself. Is it because he can find other women attractive? is it maybe because he wasnt honest with you? or maybe he has tried to hide it. But he hasnt.. not many men will offer for their partners to go into all their privacy... You need to take one step at a time, tell him it has upset you, open up to him you may feel stupid but if you don't this will niggle at your mind and destroy your relationship and he might even feel the same if you are talking to a lot of men and responding to flirting. One step at a time.. if its bothering you check his emails.. check it all then do it less if you see these girls are not a threat. The most important TALK to him because i made this mistake, i didnt talk to my boyfriend and to this day i wish i did because it still bugs me,