I am a foster mom to 6 kids, we use time out, positive reinforcement, goals, charts etc. In the past I have come up with some good ideas like "hug fest" two kids who are fighting having to stand and give each other hugs for five minutes. Or taped X's on the floor for them to sit on, just close enough to have to deal with each other but far enough away so they can not touch. The kids are older now, 9, 6, and 5 being the main ones. One will not follow directions at all, will leave messes all over and no matter how many times you show her she still does the same thing. One has melt downs and will hit the other kids, then runs up stairs and hides on the top bunk of the triple bunk bed, then will not come down for his punishment. The last nothing seems to phase him! Nothing you do works! He does not care! I have tried taking TV away, the pool, the toys, outside, everything!
I appreciate any ideas!!!
Thanks
Pamir
2006-08-05 08:39:38 · 8 answers · asked by pamir1129 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As far as two kids fighting, the "Peace Rose" may be helpful. I learned of this while my daughter was in Montessori school. It works like this: Obtain a white rose (plastic, silk, etc.), and set it in a "special" vase. When a fight or conflict arises, the children involved have to get the Peace Rose. These are the rules: one child holds the rose & speaks, the other has to remain silent. The child holding the rose calmly states "You really made me angry/hurt my feelings when you....." The child states anything he/she needs to. Then the rose is turned over to the other child, with the same rules; ie, the first child now has to remain silent. They pass the rose back and forth until they have resolved the situation between themselves. Then forgiveness is offered & accepted, hug or handshake, and the rose goes back into it's special place. This is helpful in learning conflict resolution as a child that will (hopefully) carry into adulthood. There is no interference from an adult except for telling them to get the Peace Rose. Hope this helps, good luck. God bless you for being a foster parent!
2006-08-05 10:07:13 · answer #1 · answered by gayle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I want to say what a wonderful person you are for being a Foster parent!!!!
Maybe try having him sit in a corner somewhere in the house but be able to hear everyone maybe outside having fun, this may help or the issue may be bigger and taking him to a therapist may help, he may be overwhelmed by all the kids in the house and by doing as he pleases he's getting attention from you regardless of the fact that it's negative but atleast he's getting the attention.
2006-08-05 08:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by cutiepie81289 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sure you have stayed away from physical punishment for good reason however it appears to me that these kids have been with you for a while and trust you sometimes old fashioned punishment will do the trick when nothing else does just remember to make sure you are calm if you decide to do this that is the true diffrence between punishment and abuse i was removed from a abusive situation and a spanking now and again made a point and never became anything more despite my past
2006-08-05 09:51:48 · answer #3 · answered by little bit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eventually he will have to come downstairs! I had a daughter that nothing seems to phases either, I tried giving her chores to do when she comes in from school and she had to do them every day. When taking things she liked, away didnt work, I just gave her things to do she didnt like! It works for me!
2006-08-05 09:19:42 · answer #4 · answered by mylionsden1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one... Only thing I know to do , is if they dont listen to what you ask them to do, you need to physically make them do it. Like cleaning up their mess and they wont... You take their arms and make them pick it up and put it away.. You are actually helping them do the work but yet they have to do it.. Somehow it breaks them.. May take a few times. They seem to hate it that they are doing exactly what they dont want to do.. I dunno, try it, it worked for me and my friend who had the problem also..I thank/ hug them after doing it even tho they are crying and mad and tell them good job.. Good luck.
2006-08-05 08:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have much advice but I commend you for attempting not to reinforce the negative discipline they've probably all ready lived with.
2006-08-05 09:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would take each luxury (toys, games, etc...) away and make them earn each and every one of them back. luxuries can also be dessert, sweets, etc... i hope this helps u!
2006-08-05 08:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lyla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry i don't have any ideas for u in fact u gave me some lol
2006-08-07 08:22:38 · answer #8 · answered by heather f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋