i in love with married woman. she has 2 babies. her husband has hit her several times. we been seein lot of each other. she has said wont leave him till after kids are 16 so wat should i do? she does really like me but as can guess hard work for us both.
2006-08-05 08:01:26 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yes he follows her sometimes. lately he been at "work"till midnight every night. she scared as her family broke up and dont want it for her kids she old fashioned
2006-08-05 08:25:11 · update #1
SHE IS MARRIED................... BACK OFF HOME WRECKER
2006-08-05 08:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Thumbs down me now 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a world hero. That said, is the guy hitting the children too? Are you really sure that she wants to wait until the children are 16? Is she afraid of this guy - has he made threats to her if she were to leave him? Is she just using you as a crutch because of her current relationship?
You have given some details but a situation like this needs more info before an informed decision can be made by anyone here. ____________________________________________
OK, now that we know a bit more......
She has the opportunity to take off when he is at work. You say she's old-fashioned? What is old-fashioned about being abused? Any adult that abuses their spouse will eventually abuse their children as well. If she cares about the babies, she'll need to leave him, do somewhere he can't find her and the children, get a restraining order, and STICK WITH IT! Or she can just stick with him and maybe end up having her so-called fear be the reason either she and/or her children end up dead.
I sound harsh, I know, but I've been in an abusive relationship. I've been beat, my life was threatened if I left, and the lives of my children were threatened. I love my children more than life itself and I had to do what it took to get my children to safety. Stay and let them get killed or leave, under the pretense of them being killed? I left.
This woman must think of her children first. She will not listen to anyone, no matter what, unless she can be assured that if she leaves, no harm will come to her or her children. "Old-fashioned" is just an excuse - she's scared. She must be convinced by making the plans and sticking to them.
2006-08-05 08:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is willing to put up with her husband's abuse and tells you straight up that she won't leave him why are you sticking around. It sounds like you are being used. Why age 16 for the kids, why not, 12, 13, etc. If the husband ever found out about you what would he do then? Would he beat her more and then come after you? You've given her a way out, back off and see if she comes to her senses and leaves him. If she doesn't then you have done everything you can and you need to move on.
2006-08-05 08:08:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to separate from him enough to ensure her personal safety and that of her children. In some countries or other areas, a legal divorce might be necessary to do that. She may not even be able to take him to court unless she does. And he does belong behind bars for what he has done.
However, that having been said, unless he has cheated on her as well, she will not be free to remarry. Indeed, if she is anything more than friends with you, she might have to legally take the blame for the breakup of the marriage - because he can claim she is committing adultery. And she could end up losing custody of the children if it's judged to be 'her fault'.
And on top of all that, they are married, they obviously consummated their marriage if they have two kids, and that bond is not one that can just be violated. It is not meant to be, regardless of anything. Commitment is commitment, she can't just forget they have that relationship, even if the guy is abusive.
Sure, it's great that you are being a friend to her and supporting her in this difficult situation. However, for all of those reasons I mention above, spiritual and otherwise, you need to keep this relationship platonic. Probably forever.
2006-08-05 08:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by songkaila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well u can give her a few months 2 see sense? i strongly suggest she leaves her husband as i was in a very violent relationship 4 2 years and had a 1 yr old with him when i decided 2 leave, it's not good 4 her or the children and if social services find out there will be an investigation and they will be closely monitored.
u could be her night in shining armour and convince her 2 leave, a male friend of mine convince me 2 leave my abusive partner and we ended up 2gether and we still are.
good luck.
2006-08-05 08:32:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First she is married and has babies with a abusesive husband to top it off that is trouble already. Waiting until the children are 16 is no excuse either because they still have 2 years to go to become 18 so she is still dealing with the husband. I suggest that you go on with your life and find a woman who will be committed to you and not her husband. That means not another married woman a single one. Don't be second to the relationship find someone that you will be their first in life.
2006-08-05 08:12:39 · answer #6 · answered by Board 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's told you that she is going to stay in this abusive relationship and not leave her husband for you. You need to respect that. What I would encourage you to do is to be her friend (platonic, not with benefits) and get her to realize that she deserves better. After the divorce is final and she recieves counseling to get over the abuse, which may take years to happen, you can see if you still want the relationship. However, having an affair now will be dangerous for her and you because of her husband's temper.
2006-08-05 08:08:33 · answer #7 · answered by emp04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not helping her situation AT ALL; how do you know if her husband has her being watched? how do you know that maybe she is just lying to get attention (cause her husband is not giving her any); you should not be so confident that you know her motives-I would think if a woman is being beaten by her man; she certainly would not take a chance on seein any other guy! ( If she is really afraid).
2006-08-05 08:09:24 · answer #8 · answered by Pooks 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave her. That's A LOT of unnecessary drama that you don't needs, regardless of your feelings for her. Be interested in someone who is worth your time and won't string you along. Pt. 2 - Leaving her husband isnt going to be any easier now than when the kids are 16. Drop'a!
2006-08-05 08:06:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget her and move on! She is in an abusive situation and she will not leave? Trust me if she is not ready to leave now she will not be ready to leave when the kids are 16. Get a woman who is available and who can be with you they way a girlfriend should be with a boyfriend. This woman is a waste of time. Move on!
2006-08-05 08:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by strawberries 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that she would like to be with anyone who doesn't abuse her at this point. IF it wasn't you I am sure it would be someone else. If you are really serious about this woman the best thing you could due for her is to convince her to see a counselor who specializes in marital abuse. Someone who will make her see that she needs to get out of that marriage as soon as possible before her husband starts abusing the kids too.
2006-08-05 08:08:00 · answer #11 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋