he is 24 and has seen alot more than me, but i've been with him for so long that i just don't know how to get out. He is VERY abusive mentaly,verbaly and physicly. He has cheated on me a number of times and i still go back cause somewhere in my brainwashed mind i believe that i'm the one he really loves. He says he wants to have kids and i do too and i know he would be a great father but then i still have that little fear that one day he is gonna get so mad that he'll just turn around and smack my boy or girl in the face. what scares me the most is that my mother and i both think that i am pregnant. i have had so many oportunities to get away and yet i still come running back to him, bottom line this guy is abusive enough to kill me and i don't wanna die, but i'm crazy enough to go back to him all the time.
2006-08-05 06:30:03 · 52 answers · asked by kala f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do not have children with this man!!! Your children will grow up to be abusive just like him. You think you cannot get out but you can! You dont have anything holding you back. Be strong, seek help from abuse counselors. GET OUT NOW!!!!
2006-08-05 06:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Xty♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have several problems here. First off, if he is smacking YOU around then what in the HELL makes you think he would be a good father? He doesn't love you... you are just a convenient and easy port in the storm when he doesn't have anything (or anyone) better to do.
I certainly hope you aren't pregnant, but if you are, or even if you aren't, for God's sake LEAVE HIM...and if you don't have any respect for yourself, at least think about the child. I never fail to be amazed at the absolutely stupid females who continually go back to the same SCUMBAG time and again, expecting different results. I know none of this will sink in but I'll say it anyway.
Either leave him or give him the ultimatum to get professional help or you will leave him. It may be a non-issue anyway... once he learns there's a baby coming, he'll likely run away, or say something to the effect of "How do I know it's mine?". WHatever you do, don't stay in an abusive relationship.
And think about something else... this guy was after you when you were 16 and he was 22. That's not only illegal, but shows what a slimebag he is. Wake up before he seriously hurts you, or your baby, or worse. If any of this sounded rough, I'm sorry, but you need to hear it and get out of the fairy tale world you're living in.
2006-08-05 06:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by answerman63 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think at this point you know what you want. Ask yourself, how is your relationship with your parents and or other family members? Are they or is at least one able to provide you with the shelter you need? I f so..1 you need to get away immediately, if you are living together, find that refuge with a trusting famil member or friend 2 You need to get a restraining order, there is physical and emotional abuse that noone deserves in this "relationship" 3 press charges if need be, this person is not worthy of what you have to offer and will continue and escalate his behavior only more since he knows you will only come back 4 DON"T GO BACK
this individual must be delt with expeditiously before you can move on. Now, my second point is why are you attracted to this person? Is this the first abusive realtionship you have been in, and if so, did it not only involve a boyfriend, but a friend or family member? You may have some deep seeded issues that also must be delt with in an orderly manner, I am not psychologist, but I do understand people, and your best bet would be therapy. You will also need to find a way or wasys to develop your own self worth. You must begin to love yourself and rebuild your confidence so that you do not continue on in life falling into repeat relationships.
that's all I have for now, I hope this gets you started
2006-08-05 06:41:31 · answer #3 · answered by jeremiah s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been with this guy for two years. To have fear, brainwashing, and jealousy means that there is NO LOVE there. You, first need to love yourself! Nobody can give that back to you but you! You, and you alone have the power to bring that to an end! If you know that this person does not love you and only your fasination with him gives you that feeling, then take off the blinders...You can't possibly love him, because you are not loving yourself. And just perhaps if you are pregnant~LEAVE NOW! In order to have a future with your child, you'll need to walk away from this stupidity with your head held high...I think that if you are smart enough to realize that he is brainwashing you, then you are smart enough to use your two feet and run as fast as you possibly can in the other direction. You are only 18, and whether you are pregnant or not-you have your whole life in front of you, not BEHIND you....Search you soul, find your strength, then gather all those that love you around, because you will need each one of them for support....for now find you, and the love within yourself...Good luck to you! I wish when I was 18 and going through an abusive relationship that I would have walked away sooner...It only gets worse, not better...you can not change the monster within him...and try your best to forgive him and move on...Don't go back...it will be okay for the first two weeks, then it will be a cycle all over again....no one, I mean NO ONE HAS TO LIVE IN FEAR! TROUBLE DON'T LAST ALWAYS AND KNOW THAT ONCE YOU ARE PAST THIS YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SMILE FOR YOU AGAIN.....GOOD LUCK TO YOU. XXXXXLOTS OF HUGS AS WELL!
2006-08-05 07:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by Cassey P. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be quite crazy to want to have kids with this guy and think "he will be a great father." Great fathers don't hit their wives/gf's - he has to learn to be a great partner before taking on the role of being a great dad.
You know that you are in a bad situation and you know he isn't going to change. You also know he is abusive enough to kill you. What you need to know is that you can't change him, he has a serious problem, and he may say he loves you, but beating should show you he doesn't. Not only that, but if he's cheated on you - that right there should show you he doesn't truly love you.
Get smart and get out of this relationship - you will find another guy who will be good to you and who you can have kids with. You don't wanna bring a kid into a relationship like the one you have now. What happens when you are 8mo pregnant and you piss him off and hits you? Your baby could get hurt, you could miscarry, etc - don't put yourself or your child in a situation like that.
2006-08-05 06:35:35 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 18 so are you off to college? If so move away, delete all contacts with him including numbers, address, emails... everything. Kill the photos and any memories that might bring you back to him. You might have to ditch some of your "friends" that you aquired related to him. Then concentrate on your work or school work for about a year. Stay strong and a better will come alone.
Also, don't date guys much older than you are, there are laws against this and they exists for your own good. And don't jump into a relationship ever, guys are full of ****. Be friends for at least a year and based your relationship around what you seen being purely friends. Consider love and feelings as added bonus and not the centerpiece of a relationship. Good luck.
2006-08-05 06:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by erk m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have family, you need to leave him alone. I bet he accuses you of cheating and don't like for you to fo anywhere. Sweety, thats is not love, He have a problem, and if you think he is gonna kill you, then you most definitely need to leave, and don't make the mistake of having kids with him. There are a lot of better men out there for you.
Take it from me, I speak from experience, I have started a relationship with a guy just like your boyfriend, when I was seventeen. I stayed with him cause I knew he loved me, and he always talked about a future with me, Then later on we had kids, and Now I am stuck with him. He never let me go anywhere, and he treat me like ****. And All I can say is I wish I would have never got with him.
If he treat you that way, he will not change. You need to leave well you are still young and have freedom, cause when you have children, it will be all over.
If you ever want to talk send me a email Courtniec2006@yahoo.com
2006-08-05 06:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be scared about being pregnant. Either put the baby up for adoption or keep him/her. As for the bf...? I wouldn't even CONSIDER him as a suitable father for your children because OBVIOUSLY he's not a suitable friend, leave alone husband-material. You need distance...! Move away and live with a relative for awhile until you get strong enough within yourself to make some valid decisions regarding your future...! NO ONE should EVER have to settle for such an apparent lack of love and respect as you're putting yourself through...! Where's your DIGNITY, girl...!?! Also, you may need to get a restraining order against him...! WAKE UP BEFORE YOU CAN'T...!
2006-08-05 06:42:10 · answer #8 · answered by KnowhereMan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all let's get one thing straight HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU IN ANYWAY!!! Someone who loves you WILL NOT abuse you! He will not make a good father. He will treat your kids the same way he treats you. Is this the type of life you want for your children? Do you want your children to grow up and become abusers? People who are abused, abuse others. YOU need to decide this is not the type of life you want or deserve. You see nothing will change unless YOU change it! You spoke about your mom why don't you move in with her? You have to leave this man. Nothing good will come out of this relationship! Move on!
2006-08-05 06:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He would NOT make a guaranteed Good Father.
U owe it 2 UR future Children 2 get as far away from this man.
Go 2 a Womans Refuge/shelter 4 advice & practical help.
Now turn the computer off & DO IT.
He won't/doubt he'll ever change, U think U can but leaving HIM will change HIM 4 Good, trust me.
2006-08-05 06:35:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
priorities first if u are pregnant get an abortion if he is abusing you he will abuse the child you are a kid F?????K HIM there isn't enough love in 10 worlds for u to take that from him get away as soon as u can GET A RESTRAINTING ORDER IF NEED BE don t let noone abuse you like that u are not saying much for yourself now are you the phsical abuse goes away but u will deal with the mental abuse the rset of your life in todays age u can have a great life SINGLE u can abuse your own self please get help 4 yourself u R toooooooooo young for all this stay strong let him know in a subtle way you need him 4 nothing you will be fine alone
2006-08-05 08:39:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋