My family is falling apart apart and I don't know what to do!?

Question

My dad used to be an alcoholic back when he was 20. When he met my mom, he went through a treatment center and has stayed sober for twenty years. Now, since that 20 year mark has passed, my dad has been drinking again. I'm not supposed to know but my mom let it slip. He refuses to go through a treatment center, saying he'd rather kill himself than go through treatment again. My mom said she is just going to leave, but things are so bad, I know that if she leaves, she isn't coming back. What makes things worse is that my brother Mike, who is 19, is following in his footsteps. He comes home at all hours of the night. We find booze in his truck day after day. He is getting out of control. Yet, my dad doesn't care. My mom is the one who deals with it. My family is falling apart. Now, we had a family vacation planned for this week, we are supposed to leave tonight. Yet, we aren't going. I could care less....I wanna know how to help my family not fall apart! I don't know what to do...

Answer 1

take care of yourself and be there for your mother,father,brother.you cannot save anyone but yyouself.your dad may need your mom to leave so he can hit bottom ,and sober up again.she is fed up, but actions speak louder than words, she will leave a drunk,and not look back but she will forgive the sober man.get youself to al anon meeting,you will find many people with your same issues ,some have found better ways of coping with it. your brother is just behaving how he was taught to behave,and needs help, but he will have to save himself.,you must save yourself.let go of your anger and despair and forgive yourself and your family memebers and make everything alright in your world. cultivate positivity. remember it is not dad does not care or love you guys, he does not love himself correctly and is incapable of loving others as they expect to be treated,when he cannot even do it for himself. he has to replace whatever is missing inside of him,not your responsibility.

Answer 2

Michelle what a struggle you are living through. First congratulations on seeking help and being so strong.

I believe it would be in your best interest and you moms to try Al Anon. It is for spouses/children/friends that are dealing with the effects of alcoholics in their lives. Here is the link;

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

It is not your fault that your father and brother drink. It is a disease and some people are more easily addicted to drinking than others. Remember that the word alcoholic is the name of an actual disease. Only your father and brother can decide when they will get help.
If your mom decides to leave, I sure hope she is taking you and any other children in the house with her.
Sometimes, as hard as it is for a family to split up, it can be the best new start. It does not mean you do not love your father and brother, or that you cannot visit them. Living with an alcoholic is not easy and not healthy for your mind and spirit. From your moms point of view, she has probably thought hard about this.
God Bless you, stay strong, find counsel for yourself.

Answer 3

The ONLY way for your family to not fall apart is for your dad to pull his head out. He's had 20 good years with a wonderful (I'm guessing) family... and he's choosing a bottle of beer over your mom, you, and your bro.

"By divine design fathers are to preside over their families in love, and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families..."

Your dad isn't doing that.

If there is any way you can talk to your dad when he is less drunk, tell him how you feel... that your life is falling apart b/c a G-d- bottle is more important to him than you (and your mom and bro) are... Go ahead and cry when you talk to him... let him know how badly it hurt to see him throw his entire life/family away. Tell him you need him- every girl needs a dad who is an active part of her life. Feel free to beg.

If he chooses the bottle over you, hard as it may be, walk away- physically and emotionally. I know it will be hard if that is what happens. You and your mom's wellbeing is more important than "saving" your dad and brother.

Unfortunately, your brother is an excellent learner-- he's following Dad's example.. which normally would be a good thing, but your dad's example isn't a good one right now.

For your brother, I suspect that the only way he will straighten up his life is if a) your dad goes sober again and tells him what a bad idea it is... or b) your brother sees what kind of disaster Dad has made of his own life... or c) something absolutely horrible happens- a car accident...

Best of luck. Know that God loves you and your family. Talk to Him about what's happening, ask Him what to do. He'll help.

Answer 4

First let me say I am So Sorry! I do know what you are going through,Alcoholism is not pretty. No one ever wants to admit they are alcoholic. Your Dad and Brother need help, but it has to be their decision. If they go into rehab under pressure it won't work they want to have to change. My daughter had a accident in which someone in the other car died and now she is in jail and has no choice but to change. You could but out a health warrent on your Dad and Brother, but again that is forcing the issue and probably wouldn't work, I will pray for your Family and again I am so sorry.

Answer 5

Your brother has inherited the tendency towards alcoholism. He needs to get help now.

Your father is refusing to do that. Which leaves your mother no alternative but to do what she's decided.

You cannot keep your family from falling apart. This is your parents responsibility. What you need to do is find a reliable counselor to help you deal with this tragedy. There are free agencies in your area. Ask your dr or a counselor at school or a trusted friend, or friend's parent.

Answer 6

Michelle, sometimes there is just no help, and sometimes people have to hit bottom before they can get back up again. Even though you don't want your family apart, think of what your mom is going through.

It's good for you to be there for her, and support any decision she needs to make. It's very hard living with an alcoholic, and if she feels she needs to leave, when she does that may be just the thing your dad needs to make him realize that he needs to stop drinking.

It's hard, but it's just the way things have to be sometimes!

Answer 7

I know its a tough situation to be in. I'm 21 and my dad has been an alcoholic my whole life. My mom has dealt with and it and so have I . We have gone through a lot of rough patches in our lives. I just look at it as if we all love each other enough and we support each other we will make it through it. I know it is easier said then done but hes an adult and you cant push him to do something he doesn't want to do. That goes for your brother too. Just keep letting them know your concerned about them and you are there for them. Good luck! :)

Answer 8

gurl, i understnad how u feel when your family is falling apart... jsut try your best.. even if it doesnt work out in the end, dont blame it on yourself. its just fate.

Anyway, before leaving it to fate, try and do something about it. why not try speaking to your parents? sit them down, and advise them... advise your brother too... dont waste your parents money on drinking booze and what not. from young, they have taken care of you.. given you an education etc... so why throw that all down the drain?

do u knwo that alcohol has more calories and is so much more fattening then regualr coke? and alcohol will spoil yout liver.. so yeah.. i think your dad may be stressed.. if not, why did he go back to his past habit? or someone else might have influenced him into drinking.. and out of pressure, he drank.. and then got hooked back onto it...

find the root of the problem.. and then solve it. all the best.

Answer 9

Your brother will learn. When he is out of the house, he is almost an adult. I see why your mother would leave. Call a family meeting together and tlak about how you feel, may be if your family talks about it then everything will get better, that is how I stopped my aunt and uncle from getting a divorce. It works. Just talking. Good luck!

Answer 10

Get a bunch of people together and do an intervention. If that doesn't work, then there's nothing you can do about your family. You can only help people who want help. Get together with them individually and tell them how you feel and let them know you care, but don't preach. They will shut down if you start judging them.