Which is the biggest step (question for parents with 3+ children)?

Question

Which is the hardest step to take: from having 1 child to 2, 2 to 3 or so on? Only relevant for people with 3 or more children as I would like to know their own experiences.

Answer 1

My first was a bit of a shock to my system..being woken every 2 hours or so took some getting used to!I conceived my 2nd when baby 1 was only 3mths old..I didn't think I'd cope,but found having 2 babies so close together easier than I first imagined.
I waited until they started school before having my 3rd..it was a little harder as,initially,my 2nd child seemed to be somewhat resentful of her new sister..middle child syndrome I guess..however when I had my 4th two years later things settled down again.
I went on to have another 2,again 2yrs apart and,fortunately didn't have any repeats of jealousy and resentment.
Overall I would have to say,from personal experience,that 2 to 3 was probably the hardest time,not so much for me,more for my 2nd child who needed that extra bit more attention and reassurance that she was still as special as she always was.
It can be an emotionally difficult time for any child when a new sibling arrives,mainly due to the fact that everyone is fussing over the new baby and sometimes,unintentionally,fail to pay as much attention to the newly designated 'older' ones,so I always made a point of involving them in the care of their new sibling so that they didn't feel excluded in any way,and I would make sure that they each had a period of 'our time' every day during which I would set aside everything else and make them the focus of my attention,whether it be to make cakes,read stories,play games,chat or simply snuggle up and have a cuddle,just so long as they knew they were every bit as precious and special as ever that's all that mattered.
My kids are now aged 16 to 28,we've had plenty of 'ups and downs' over the years,but they have always remained extremely close,so that 'Our time' has certainly paid off!!

Answer 2

The biggest step for me was having my 3rd.

I was 19 when I had my first son.
I was 29 when I had my second son.
I was 37 when I had my third son.

I am one of those women who can only get pregnant every 7 - 11 years. I didn't even know there was an issue like this until I became pregnant with my second son. I had just thought that there was something wrong with me and that I couldn't have anymore children.

My children are now 20, 10, and 2 years of age. It's been rather difficult to hold a long-term job because I always put being a stay-at-home mother first. (Nothing wrong at all with working mothers, I just don't trust daycares.) Now that I'm approaching 40, it is hard for me to just start a brand new job, which I won't be able to do for another 3 years when my son starts school.

Gotta admit, the older you are when having a child, the harder it is and the longer it takes to get back into shape. But I would never change the fact that I have 3 wonderful children and the experiences have been greater than anything I could have ever been taught in school or read from a book.

Answer 3

The first is the most difficult. The first changes your life entirely from only thinking about yourself and your spouse. You can't travel as easily, unless you're rich you'll be poorer - it's a huge transition to go from full responsibility for you and your spouse to full responsibility for a helpless newborn. The first is the angel the prince or princess more spolied because you have more time and so on to give. The second one is easy because the second one brings some balance. Now baby #1 has a playmate. It's easier with the second because you've been through this before and know what to expect. There is an adjustment period with baby #2 but things settle down. Baby #3 introduces utter chaos into your world, but it's not as huge a transition as baby #1 was. Once you have 4 or more - you can add as many as you like and it doesn't phase you! There are huge differences of course depending on how far apart they are. With a 3 a 1 and one on the way - I just got one out of diapers and will still have 2 in diapers at one time for at least a year! Most people recommend at least 3 years inbetween to make it easier. However, if you're getting older - you may not want to have children into your 40s and may want them close together. Either way there are lots of families with children less than 3 years apart and they do survive!

Answer 4

Well I have three kids and I found going from none to one was the hardest because, wow, I mean nothing can prepare you for such a total lack of sleep. I never thought it was possible to be that exhausted and still alive.

Going from one to two was actually pretty easy and the second one's first year just whizzed by. Mind you, there were 6 years between the first and the second.

Going from two to three has been quite an adjustment. I grew up an only child while my husband has 5 siblings so it's been harder on me. Then again, he's almost always at work and rarely ever in the trenches with me so naturally he thinks it's easy. Bugger. My third is a year now, and I'm quite literally counting down the hours until he's like two and a little more independent.

When they are all in school full time, I'm gonna have a six month nap :o)

Answer 5

I have three kids. They're all 2 years apart - currently 7.5 years, 5.5 years and 3.5 years.

Honestly, I think the answer to your question depends A LOT on the personalities of the children involved and how far apart they were born.

Many of my friends who have 3 or more children say that going from 1 to 2 was harder than going from 2 to 3.

I disagree.....BUT I think it has to do with the temperments of my children. #1 and #2 tandem nursed for 16 months and that helped with the transition to 2 children a lot. I'd say that was pretty easy. But #2 weaned before #3 was born. And #2 is the most intense of my kids. Even though #3 was a pretty easy baby, the switch to 3 kids was harder for me than the switch to 2 because my middle child was no longer nursing, had intense needs and feelings and very little patience. Her personality was what made things difficult because really, the baby was easy to care for.

Answer 6

It really depends sweetie. I have 3 kids but my issue is their age gaps. My eldest is 16, the second is 10 and the youngest is 2. Biggest step for me was to have the 3rd one because I thought I was past that age of nursing a child again into a good age. It depressed me a lot because having 2 kids and taking care of them by myself was traumatic enough, I didn't want to replay my earlier years once more for another 10. Now, with my 2 year old son - I get bouts of resentment because the last one who's 10 doesn't need that kind of attention anymore unlike babies ages 0-5. I have a hard time accepting the fact that its "here we go again" time for me and I'm already 40, I can't go chasing after him when he's 3 or 4, I don't think I'm still in that "zone" of motherhood because it might mean I have to give up my job. But other times, I appreciate my youngest's age because it makes me feel a bit young to try and grow up with him.

Answer 7

Going from 1 to 2. No-one wants to look after 2 kids. But then again 2-3 was bloody hard as well as I had a 7 year gap so was like starting all over again.

Answer 8

well personally i have 3 children under 4 and i used contraception with all of them. When we had our first it was easy (Not at the time) with two so close together 14 months it was hard but we got through it. Now with our 3 child it is madness most days especially as i have depression as-well but we just get on with it. I don't know why people with 1/2 children complain that it is hard work cause it isn't. My tip for you is organisation when the kids are quiet organise their tea or bedtime routine or whatever happening next. When they are all in bed organise for the next day i know when they are all in bed all you want to do is sleep yourself but trust me organising is the best way to keep on top of things and leaves you less stressed. Good luck

Answer 9

I have 4 boys, but I had them years apart from each other..2 to 3 I thought was the hardest, my first two were close together so they were easy..but they were older when 3 came along..I felt there wasn't alot of time in the day for all their needs, but I had alot more patience, and with the last one(there is 24 years difference between the first and last) I had so much more patience, awareness of true quality time..

Answer 10

The hardest step is having the youngest being a baby and then the middle child starts to act like a baby all over again.(depending on ages) I have ages 2 6 and 8 and my 6 year old is acting like a complete baby all of the time. He wines, has accidents, spills drinks constantly, doesn't wipe his rear end, chews on his clothes and ruins them and he wipes his filthy hands on everything. This time right now is the hardest time ever for me and it doesn't seem like it will ever end. I guess it just depends on the ages though. Good Luck