mmmm..., how to react?

Question

A friend of mine has a new gf and she(the gf) has just become pregnant. Now I haven't met my friends gf yet but am a little concerned as I dont want to prejudge her yet, they are considering an abortion. I am anti-abortion unless it's under extreme circumstances and dont know if I can get along with her knowing that she made a decision to kill her unborn child. Pls. if you have any advice, it would be appreciated.

to AQUANASCHILD: no, not jealous , I actually have 2 children of my own and a partner of 10 years. My main concern was how I could control myself from being too judgemental before even meeting the poor girl. Also someone else mentioned the word hate, I dont hate anyone.

Also, for those of you who questioned why I could remain friends with my friend and not her, the decision about the abortion is hers, he has no control over it, the baby is in her belly. I cant judge him based on what she decides...,

for all of you who have said,' don't stick you nose in', my friend came to me about this, asking my advice, he has only been with this girl for 2 months, they each have 2 children already. You all keep saying that I have already judged which basically defeats the purpose of my question, I'm asking how I can be supportive and maintain the friendship without looking down on the both of them..., not many helful answers so far, just a little bit of personal criticism,,, thanks heaps!!!!

Answer 1

I make it a strict rule to except my friends for who they are. There will always be things they do that I won't agree with. But I choose to let them make their choices and I make mine. Because I'm sure they don't always agree with mine. Your friend could probably convince her to keep it if he wanted to, so don't assume it's all her decision. A little reassurance from him that he will be there for her is probably all it would take. So, what I'm saying is, you have to make yourself accept them and move on or decide if the decision to abort is too much for you to handle. Consider that it may cause you to lose a friend, but then if you're friend was robbing banks, you'd disagree with that enough to justify your loss. Is this enough for you? Although I don't agree with abortion, I have friends who have done it. I still love them. It wasn't my decision to make. Tough call for you. Good luck.

Answer 2

Remember you said "they are considering". This is their decision and doesn't concern you. This is a personal choice and it seems as if they are going about making the decision the correct way, together. If you are going to choose your friends by what they have or haven't done, you should just make people fill out a questionnaire before you decide to be friends with a person. There may be other people out there that are your friends that have done other things that you don't agree with. If you can't live with the fact that they may be getting an abortion, then just end the friendship with both people now and save your judgment for something that involves you.

Answer 3

Keep your mouth shut and your opinion to yourself. Considering the economy and the other aspects of todays' society and the fact that they each already have two children, it doesn't make any sence for them to bring another innocent life into this world. How likely are you to help them out? You sound like you are what we call a "**** disturber" even if your friend did ask your oppinion. Do you think having a 5th child between the two of them ISN'T Extreme circumstances? Hope somebody is as judgemental with you as you are with people you don't even know.

Answer 4

The way I look at is this..abortion isn't something I would personally do, but it's not my life, I am not going to be raising an unwanted child..sometimes it may be better for that poor child not to be born, people don't think of all the folks out there that want to adopt, and for your friend and g/f it might be the right choice for them, if you're Christian.. remember "judge not lest ye be judged"..have a great day..

Answer 5

I guess it depends a little on how you see the current state of the pregnancy - it's a lot easier to accept the concept of abortion if you are thinking of disposing of a small collection of cells than if you are worried about murdering a helpless human baby who has done nothing to harm anyone... etc.

On the other hand, would you want to force someone to go through 8-9 months of difficulties only for them to enter the heart-wrenching dilemmas involved in adoption/raising an unwanted child etc. etc. etc. (or what if she was to go through with the pregnancy and develop complications and maybe die? Would you want any such responsibility?)

I don't think you want to be influencing their decision(s) here. Certainly you could tell them how you feel and what you would do in their circumstances, but you are obviously a different person to them with a different set of ideas/rules/morals/ethics.

I think you would do well to stand back and to consider how you will now interact with your friend the baby murderer. If you love and care about your friend, you will support him and give the benefit of the doubt to his girlfriend - someone he has chosen in his (?possibly dubious) wisdom. If you cannot bear to deal with your friend now, cut your losses and get out.

I'm not sure how you might rationalize hating the new gf but loving your friend. They are in it together, for good or bad.

Answer 6

I don't believe in abortion as a form of birth control so I don't agree, I only think that u should have an abortion if you are raped or something tragic like that other than that.. I think they need to take better precautions and think of something else to do besides killing a innocent child, but that is just my opinion, I know not everyone has that opinion but u did ask.

Answer 7

well if she has done it already there isn't much you can do except support ya friend and you can be anti abortion but other people lead different lives. Plus thats their lives that they are thinking of and in the end when it comes to havin kids it's only the mother who is gonna be there...everyone else has the choice. So if she feels that was the choice she needs to make thats her but you shouldn't shut yourself out of getting to know her because of something she did for her.

Answer 8

It is not your decision. You should not judge others just because they do something that you don't like. I don't like abortion either, but I do know women that have had them and I just let it go. Don't stick your nose in where it isn't wanted or you will run the risk of ruining your friendship.

Answer 9

Well, its up to you but the way I feel about abortion is that it is murder, and I sure wouldn't get along with Ted Bundy, so why any other murderer, expecially a murderer of an innocent baby. I had a life long friend who decided to get an abortion, I remained friends with her because we had been friends so long, but I told her how I felt and told her straight up that she wouldn't be allowed to watch my son, because if her own child couldn't trust her why should I assume mine can?

Answer 10

And how can you be friends with the friend and not the gf??? Are they not making the same decision and choice TOGETHER??? just cause the baby happens to be in her body does not make it any less his decision as well. Besides you have already judged her, and honestly, it sounds like your jealouse!