What do you do when someone you love the most in life hurts you?

Question

For me, it’s my mother. I love her most… she’s the one person for whom I would do anything. When we're apart (most of the year)... I miss her so much that sometimes people think I'm crazy.

But she doesn't understand me, or my problems and struggles in life. When I want to talk to her and tell her my feelings about things... she thinks I'm being over-dramatic and emotional for no reason. She starts comparing my life with other people we know and insists how good I have it in life. She refuses to appreciate the hardships (however small they may be, it shouldn't matter) I have to go through. And it really hurts me that she doesn't even try to understand me and keeps saying that I'm an emotional wreck who will never get though in life if I don't change this attitude.

I just don't understand that if I can love her so much, then why can't she return that love 'properly' and at least make an effort to understand some of the things I want to talk to her about.

Answer 1

Don't think that she doesn't understand your problems just because she doesn't want to talk about them.

Yes, it may hurt and feel like she is rejecting you when she denies your need to commiserate...When my mother does this, I have to remember that it is because SHE doesn't want to deal with HER problems, which are usually very similar to mine. Plus, every mother wants to think her child has it the best. You complaining about your life might threaten her happy memories of how wonderful you handle things. She just wants to be proud of you.

YOu have said you don't have much time with your mom. She might be trying to discourage you from "wasting" that time by turning it into one big "b*tching session." If I were you, I'd try to find the right time/place/manner in which to disclose my worries to my mom- a time when you are alone with her and she is most open to these conversations- in the morning over coffee, at night during dishes, while you cook, shop, etc. Choose that one time to be your forum for "airing your grieviances" and then make sure you put on the happy face and be positive during the rest of the time you have with your mom. Your needs will be met, plus you'll be making the most of what precious little time you have with the person you love most in a positive way!

Answer 2

You're really going to limit your selection of guys if you're only going to date vegans. When I became a vegetarian a few years ago, I had the same outlook as you do. Why on earth would I date someone who didn't share my moral ideals? But then I met an amazing guy last year and all of that went out the window. He's not vegan or vegetarian, but he is interested in the lifestyle and supports me 100%. Of course sometimes he teases me about it, but if the guy supports you then that's all that matters. He goes to vegan restaurants with me and eats the meals (which he loves) and has mentioned more than once that he wishes he could stop eating meat, but doesn't think he can. Who knows, maybe one day we'll be eating the same things. The important thing to remember is to give every guy a chance to amaze you. This guy you mention sounds supportive. Just try to be a positive influence and maybe one day he'll start leaning towards giving up meat too. You'll influence him more than you think! Don't break it off just because he eats differently than you do!

Answer 3

It is pretty difficult to change others.Expectation hurts one a lot more than anything. When u feel drawn to ur mom, try hard to engage in some other work u like most for the first half an hour .
May be that'll help ubecomementally prepared.All the best.

Answer 4

to start of with .love never ask anyting in return....i know what u goin thru believe me i am goin thru the same thing ....sometimesin life u have to motivate urself ....encourageurself....take it this way ur mom doesnt consider it a bigger a problem that u cant handle...try to be optimistic......maybe be ur mom is tellin u to get over it urself ...without speakin....she might be not always there to help u..or just sit with mom go with her for a coffee or an outing and tell her everything u want to say ....tell her that u are broken and need ur help......its very hard i know ....but believe me being optimistic and moving on is much much better then sitting there and crying for help
good luck
cheerz
rocky

Answer 5

Uhm! your mother and you should talk together. You have to tell your mother how you feel ( dun bother about what she thinks). I think your mother will understand you somedays. She loves you too ,but the way she expresses her love is different. Although she wants to help you to be better, that way is wrong. I and my mom are in the same situation. We still love each other very much. So dun be worry. I think your mother love you so much.Be happy

Answer 6

Try sending a copy of this question to her. You need to confront her and forgive her. She needs to know your side of things. She needs to try listening. Maybe a letter is the way to get her attention. Be warned! It might not work. At least you tried. Also, be nice about it. You might even consider a counselor or friend to review the letter before you send or e-mail it. Emotions are rough. That goes for both of you.

Answer 7

Some people are just self centered. And some mothers just don't know how to love.

All my mom does is cause havoc in my life, I quit telling her my personal issues and it's the best move I've ever made!

Answer 8

Well that is a very tough situation... To be honest you can't teach an old dog new tricks... Love your mother find someone else who cares and will listen... My parents were the same way... I won't get into it.. I was fortunate enough in life to find that someone the second time around...

Answer 9

I can understand how you feel. But I don't think that means that she does't love you. She probably does... it's just that perhaps what you expect from her may not always be what you get.

I think it's best that you try telling her what you're going through, making sure to say that you love her very much.

Hope you works things out with your mum.

Answer 10

Parents have a difficult time relating to their children from personal experience and those who I know around me. They usually want to push their children into something that they weren't growing up. Parents are alot harder on their own kids than they are with anyone else, remember that. Your mom loves you. Know that in your heart and tell her as much even though she may not express it to you.