please help. am i not really ready to be a mom?

Question

i told my husband about this site. i told him that i asked a question if i am an irresponsible mom and housewife and i told him the answers. he just nod. now, i brought him back again the issue, i told him that i need a break. i need to have time for myself too. im really tired. he just answered, "Well, you are not yet ready to be a mom then". I was really hurt. i may not be ready but i did all the responsibilities as much as possible to cater all the baby needs, his needs and my step kids need. I did the feeding, the cooking, the cleaning. good for his ex-wife, at that time he can still afford hiring a babysitter and maid to clean up their mess. but now, we cant afford it - i did the babysitting and maid's role. i need help! what will i do? i think i cant have a break after all. im really tired and fed up.i dont mind doing it - i love serving them but sometimes i just need to relax and enjoy without thinking anything.is that bad?am i not really ready to become a mom?

Answer 1

We all need rest - for SURVIVAL. Your husband is selfish and chauvinistic. Men do not get divorced for nothing. His 'ex' is better off without him.

Now you are stuck with him, so......get some help with 'him.' Get someone to help you persuade him (with you) into counselling.

Most people nowadays live under the notion that staying and home all day is doing NOTHING. Hence all women are in the workforce, and those who are not are treated appallingly. This is an incorrect notion and it is women who must meet the challenge. Parenting and homemaking is a full time job - usually 'more' than full time in fact. Most fulltime mothers are overworked. Those who work all day and then must do all the household duties after they get home are not overworked -THEY ARE ABUSED.

Congratulations for your hard and you noble efforts. Get some help with the mental attitude of your husband - that will lead to help for you. He is getting the best of you, as he probably did with his first wife.

Answer 2

I feel the same way. I am a 25 year old mom and have a 10 month old and a 3 year old and sometimes I want a breat too. My husband works and I stay home so we dont have to pay for daycare. Its hard to clean and cook and then take care of the kids all day. My husband just believes its the womens role and he has never changed a diaper or gave one of the kids a bath. He has never done a dish or vacuumed. I understand how sometimes you feel like everything you do doesnt matter and he doesnt appreciate you really. The point is he will never really understand how hard you do work. Its not that he is trying to hurt your feelings its that he just doesnt get it. He hasnt been put into the situation that you are in and even if he was alot of the things wouldnt get done. You know that. Take my husband I a couple of years ago decided to take on a part time job at night. At the time we only had one child. He was to clean up after her and get her a bath and she was to be asleep at the time I got home. She was asleep but no bath and as far as him feeding her he did that but he didnt clean up. I was actually thankful he fed her. I remember stressing that she needed to drink like everyone else. So the next night he got her something to drink. My husband isnt a retart he just didnt think about it. Its hard for a man to actually think for another. I know that sounds stupid but its true. Thats another reason he wont relate with you. I hope I have helped you out just a bit.

Answer 3

Needing some time for yourself is normal. In the evenings, take a hour or two to yourself to read, watch tv, or do whatever you like. Maybe once a month, have a mom's day off, like a Saturday and do something fun for you.

Before you decide to have a child, see if your husband is open to this idea. He needs to be supportive of you and understand you still need personal time. He needs to help watch the kids when he isn't at work too, including feeding them, and cleaning up the house. You shouldn't be a 'servant' and do all the work yourself. If that is the case, your husband needs to have his head examined.

Answer 4

Its not that youre not ready to be a mom, i feel the same way a lot of the time... I feel guilty when she's not with me because i sort of feel relieved... Anyway, you aren't a bad mom either because we all deserve a break from cooking, cleaning, bathing kids, feeding them, and changing diapers once in a while... Just ignore your husband, or point out the fact that he should really be more supportive of you and since youre married, that means you are equal and he should pick up a broom, or do the dishes once in a while.

Answer 5

It is much much easier for him to insult you or make a cop out excuse than to actually take over the kids and the housework for an afternoon while you go out with a friend or something. He is terrified of actually having to help because it is so hard he knows he would barely manage too.

Wait til he is there and drive away. Yell very loudly on your way out that you are going to see a friend and will be back, so he knows he can't waltz out too. He probably waltzes in and out all the time without even thinking about it. He probably has no clue what it is like to be so saddled with kids that you can't even pee by yourself without people banging on the door crying.

Just go for an afternoon. Be specific. Bye honey I'm going out with my friend sarah. I promised her we would catch a movie. I'll be back by 9. You will live. BYe.

You hear stuff like this all the time right? Your turn. Go girl. If he pulls anymore of his BS it is to bully and scare you, and if he is as emotionally abusive as he sounds, this might trigger him to really tear into you when you get home. When he does tell him if he continues to be emotionally abusive you want a divorce.

I forgot to add this but this is important!

You can't be a control freak with him when you get back. I mean some women complain that their man doesnt help then complain when he does (like tell him he didnt fold the towels in the right way or whatever) Forget that. If he wads them up and puts them in the closet, its ok. Let him do some things his way. If you get back and find out he's hired a teenager from next door to sit and play with the kids while he does some work don't scream about it! I mean, he will probably come up with creative solutions if you leave him to do things on his own, you cannot scream about him doing things differently than you. You can make him help, but don't be a complete control freak about how he does everything. Some women are like that , and its no wonder the man backs off. you know what I'm saying right?

Oh and this is for OKA.. being a mom is a full time job but so is being a dad. And that means that sometimes dad should take over. If she divorces him, that dad will get visitation and end up learning the hard way to deal with his kids alone for a day. WOuldnt it be better for him to learn now? If mom can't have an evening to herself, why does dad get every evening to do what he wants? Come on you know that is a complete cop out. Moms are everywhere that still have lives. They usually pay for daycare or babysitters in order to have them .But if their dad is home, he should help some too. It is better for the dad AND the kids if they have some together time. Really. It is. The situation she is describing is NOT healthy.

Answer 6

the planet doesnt need more people - we certainly dont need people having more kids that they really dont want..
if you have kids you wont get a break (he might - you wont)
if you want kids and are ready to make the sacrifice of time.. then you are ready but DONT have too many kids - I am sickened and appauled when I hear women with 2 -3 kids complain about how tired they are because of the kids - they should have realized after 1 kid they would be more tired if they had more kids

Answer 7

In order to be a good Mom, you need time for yourself.
This is not a good world to bting Children into, so you may as well just relax and enjoy yourself. You don't have to have kids.

Answer 8

hey just because your a mom doesn't mean that's who you are ..your still a person with your own needs.. I have 3 children and I also felt like that who I was mom, I didn't even have a name ,I was just mom .. I loved being a mom but after a while I became moody , and I really didn't like being that kind of mother.. I needed to feel that I was my own person so after 4 years I told my hubby that I was going out ..it toOK awhile to get him to be ok with it, marriage nor motherhood should make you feel like your in a prison..believe me you will become a better person once you start taking care of your needs

Answer 9

its not that ur not ready to be a mom. You just need time to yourself sometimes. I am a mother of three and they are the world to me and so is my husband, but there are times that i need time to myself. I tell him its his turn with the kids and take time to myself. I go with my friends or family for a while. Only you would know if you are ready or not.

Answer 10

No, you are tired and overworked. You should have some alone time every now and again and a day to yourself to regroup.

If my hubby said I wasnt ready to be a mom when I wanted some alone time he would have gotten himself knocked out.