An old boyfriend (from 17 years ago) called me the other day and told me his grandfather died. I speak with him from time to time and a friendly dinner once or twice a year. I don't remember his grandfather, but I'm wondering if I should go to the funeral to pay my respects and show support for him or just send a card to him & his family?
2006-08-05 02:49:03 · 40 answers · asked by ladybug_9901 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If you are still friends with him then go to the funeral.
2006-08-05 02:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a compromise? Why not visit the funeral home during visitation hours? Most people have a 'laying out' and although you didn't know his grandfather, you would be showing support and respect for your ex.
A word to the wise, if there's more than one viewing don't attend the first one: that's when the masses show up and it can get a little crazy. If there's a choice, show up for the second viewing. If there is only a single viewing, then show up during the last 1/2 an hour of that viewing.
Good luck and my condolences to your ex-boyfriend and family.
2006-08-05 02:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by baciandrio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you are available,and you can handle this, it would be a kind and supportive thing to do,
When people suffer a personal loss, the grieveing process is something that even they do not know what to expect until that day....
His family, will appreciate this, that someone took out time to acknowledge the family member who passed,
If it is a gesture that you really do not want to do, then send a card, and that will be sufficient,
Personally, to go a extra step, for a friend, is being a person who will take time for others,
the world could use more people to respond, and take time to care "just because".. BESIDES THAT WILL ALSO SHOW YOUR FRIEND, YOU ARE A FRIEND.
GOOD LUCK
(go to the service) Such a small effort, will have an affect that will last in your friends mind for life,
2006-08-05 03:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can send flowers, or a basket of food. A card isnt enough, but youre not obligated to go to the funeral.
A basket of food, like canned meats, cheeses and bread, is ideal, because its hard on the family financialy, to feed all the mourners who are probably staying with them.
I think its a "happy middle ground" at least. You dont sound like your heart would be in it if you went to the funeral, so dont bother with that- and a card is pathetic, I mean- you can do better than a card, and you might feel like a jerk if you just sent a card, so send some food or something, and you will feel good later on.
2006-08-05 02:54:29 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Krista ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go. He called you with this news for a reason. He wants you there. When my Dad died it was more comforting to see the faces of the people there than almost any card we got. The only exception is a card I was given two months after Dad's death that was given to me by a woman that lost her husband at about the same time that Dad died. She gave it to me in person and told me that she understood how hard it got after the funeral when the rest of the family went home and everyone went back to work and life returned to "normal" and we were still grieving. That was so true and it made me smile to know that she understood.
2006-08-05 02:56:45 · answer #5 · answered by jymsis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he went out of his way to tell you that his grandfather died, then he probably wants your support and not a card. He wants you to be there at the funeral. Otherwise, he could have waited a few weeks until things settled down to let you know about it.
2006-08-05 02:54:15 · answer #6 · answered by sweetflower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the funeral for your friend and send a card out of respect for him and his family.
2006-08-05 02:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by alabamalady813 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not attend this funeral. Your old boyfriend is more of a friendly acquaintance now. If it was his parents, perhaps, but a grandfather is not the same thing.
Send a note, and/or contribute to a charity if listed in the obituary,
2006-08-05 03:28:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lynne D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's in the same town, go to the visitation, but not the funeral. If it's out of town, just send a card and flowers.
2006-08-05 02:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends.. I mean if he is someone that you would call at 3 am and cry your eyes out to tell him how you feel and he would listen.. then I would say go to the funeral...
But if it's more of a casual friendship... holiday, obligatory days etc.. then I would say a card would be fine and if you wanted to do more send soem flowers or make a donation to their church in the fathers name..
2006-08-05 02:54:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you on good terms with your old boyfriend and his family? If so, I would say go to calling hours. The family will be very happy you took the time to come by and pay your respects.
If you aren't on good terms and don't feel comfortable going, by all means, send a card.
Any message of sympathy and support will be appreciated.
2006-08-05 03:39:02 · answer #11 · answered by Malika 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋