My husband of 12 years is being offered a job out of state!?

Question

We have been married 12 years with 3 children. Our oldest just started high schol at a IB high school she as been waiting to get in since 4th grade.Our second just started middle school and we have a 3 year old. Both of our families live nearby and my children were born here. They are also extremely involved in a performing group that they have been in since they were 5 years old. We have asked the children(older two) and they absolutely do not want to move. I cannot bring myself to do that to them. They are straight a students and have been great kids! The money would be nice as we have always struggled, but I knw the cost of living is very high there as well...Florida versus DC. Advise please.

Answer 1

Is it possible for your husband to take the job & commute home a few times a month? Perhaps you could manage that situation until the oldest gets out of school. Then move to FL with him.

If the money means having a better life for your family & better advancement for him in his career then go for it. The children are young enough to adjust.

Answer 2

Cost of living is higher than florida, but not that high. Come to the northeast if you want to see high!

If there is a significant change in the money and it will improve your life for you and your family, then how can you say no. Must have been a reason why you were looking out of state for job in the 1st place. Kids really have no say, don't let them run your lives because they will be on their own in under 10 years and then you have your whole life ahead of you without them living with you. If you don't want to pull them out of school and disrupt their lives, then you've answered your own question. You don't go. You need to weigh the positives against the negatives. But if your husband doesn't get involved with this, I am sure he's going to be pretty upset if he really wants the job.

The other aspect that people do is for him to negotiate to work monday through friday at this new job in DC and travel home on the weekends. Ruins family life, but got to take a look and see whats best for everyone.

Answer 3

My parents moved when I was 13. I went from a large school where I was athletic, popular and got A's to a small town. In an effort to fit in I became a "party" girl and tried drugs and alcohol and of course my grades suffered. That was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through.
30 years later I am the mother of 5 boys. The 4 oldest are out on their but the youngest is a freshman this fall. The last thing I would do is uproot him at this stressful time in his life, besides the fact that he is still in school with friends he started kindergarten with.

Answer 4

If the move is going to make them miserable, don't do it. I know from experience! My husband got offered a job in Dallas, and since our children are younger(5 and 7 at the time), we went. The kids liked it ok, but I hated it. When Christmas came and there was no snow it sunk in for them as well how badly they missed IL and their grandma and old friends. We lived there a year and ended up moving back. all the extra money my husband had earned ended up going for the move back to IL as we never should have left here.

Answer 5

Do it now,or do not do it.Your choice,You could wait to move in the next 7 years when older kids are out of high school,but will the job be open then? Then you would have to face another/the younger child having made all his friends in Fla.There is always something.Your husband's health could falter before 7 years or so,or any number of problems.Is the real reason your oldest wants to go to this school academic or the friends?If it is the friends,you and i know these will always change,and the main friends can always visit in D.C.,lots to do! Tough,but you have to decide.My daughter crys when we suggest moving to a new neighborhood,until the other day ,when she saw a house,with a lake,etc,etc,Take a small trip,heck,get them all out of school for a couple of days,would be worth it to visit D.C.,even if you do not decide to go.Also.Florida is a nice place to visit in the summer!!!

Answer 6

think a bit for your husband too. does he really want to take this job? does it mean as much to him? if yes, you must remeber that he deserves something too... al least once in 12 yrs?
Nobody likes to change perfect surroundings. ur kids are happy here, but can u be sure they won't be happy there? why do you worry about changing schools? 1+1=2 in Florida as well as DC. Money isn't everything, but as ur kids get older, they'll need plenty more of it. not only for personal needs, but also for high school and college. what's more important for you: ur kids' future security or living in the same place as now?
by moving, ur family'll be seein a lot of new things and ur kids will devlop a broader mindset? isn't that what you want?
as for your kids' grand-relatives, well... they'll jjst have to understand.
Let ur kids join a new performing group in DC. they could leanr a lot of new things.
don't be afraid to try anything new. the cost of living is high in DC, but maybe ur just underestimating Florida?
Good luck! God is always with you

Answer 7

well if you don't want to move, maybe your husband could commute? I know it would be hard and there would be less time for the family to spend with there father. My dad works out of state. Its only NH to MA tho. He used to stay with family in MA during the week and come home on the weekends. My dad now has a company vehicle and gas card, so he comes home every night. It was hard for my mom raising the kids alone and working full time, but we all made it threw. I'm older now and so is my bro. That's really the only sugg I can give. Maybe the Company will pay for flights and hotel rooms, and if the job pays well, than it will be worth it!

Answer 8

Are you in Florida now or DC. The cost of living up here is rediculous. Why cant he get a job with the state you are in now? All states have an official site with state jobs posted. I would urge him to job seek in your current state, especially if you are that much against it. I dont blame you. Especially having kids and family there. I moved from Texas to Maryland and am now in Delaware. It is very expensive to move a long distance. If one state is willing to hire him, surely another will too.

Answer 9

It is not something that your kids should have a say in - it is between you and your husband alone. Is there a reason you are scared to go? It might be an adventure for your family, and it might be good to get away from both your families. Comfort can put you in a rut. Talk to your husband about it, and make a list of pros and cons - making sure they are reasonable, and not just emotional, like the ones you listed above.

Answer 10

If you are happy where you are, don't go. Money isn't everything. If you move for the money, but are miserable, what's the point? So, if you're financially okay right now, why try to fix what's not broken? Besides that, all your family is close by. Unless you really need the money, from what you say, I think moving is a bad idea.