losing my voice over my fiancee'?

Question

I love my fiancee very much. but i know when i am with him, a part of me is shadowed. he's a very intelligent man, and when we go out, he takes center stage. I wouldn't mind this if i didn't feel i never get a chance to voice my opinion. He's very engaged in conversations, and usually directs them towards others, so I feel uncomfortable butting in. This makes me feel very aloof in public situations with him. Not to mention that his friends think I have no opinion on anything, and am not very smart!
The thing is I am a very opinionated woman, and before I met him, I had great conversations with people. Now, except when I hang out with my friends alone, I feel like I am losing my voice.
I should also add that I am a writer, and I feel this loss of voice is slowly creeping into my writing as well.
In a nutshell, what can I do? I tried to talking to him, but it seems i;m asking him to alter his personality, which I don't want to do. but i also don't like feeling silenced. what to do?

also, when we're alone, i feel like i'm constantly trying to prove to him that i am smart...
and it wasn't until i asked him why he never asked to read my work that he finally showed an interest.

Answer 1

Start speaking up. No one told you to hold your tongue when your with his friends so just jump in the conversation and don't worry about it..

Answer 2

There's some cardinal rule of dating, that if you have to change yourself too much to the point that you are having a problem with yourself, then it's probably not the right relationship for you.

I'm not saying head for the hlls and get out of the relationship, first you need to try and work it out. But you can't let it continue this way or you will just end up being another statistic in the divorce rate.

Explain how you feel to him. Let him know that you don't feel like a participant in conversations with his friends. How he responds will really make or break your relationship. If he listens and does all he can to help you feel included and find your voice, then you've found a great guy and you have a pretty good shot at ever lasting happiness.

But if he just shrugs it off as you being crazy , then you have a problem. Because if he won't acknowledge that you are having a problem, then how will he handle issues down the road?

And in the meantime, until this all gets resolved, you should redouble your efforts as a writer, to put down the thoughts, feeling and opinions you have that you can't get out in public. Good luck!