Is my Fiancés obsession with me having plastic surgery an illness or normal?

Question

I’ve have been engaged for ten years, My Fiancé has always had an obsession with surgery and large breasts and as a present about seven years ago he said he wanted to buy me breast implants. I’m terrified of all things medical but I went from a 38B to a 38D to please him. He is so obsessed that he wanted me to go even larger and recently under his constant pressure I gave in but the size he pressurized me into I think makes me feel embarrassed to go out. I’m now a 38FF and I feel like a freak when I go swimming or even sit down to sun bathe they look so unnatural and with so many men making comment and staring at me. I love him very much but if I wanted them reduced I’m worried I would lose him but my own life is a misery I can’t find clothes to fit properly for my small frame and the person I’ve become is not really me. I seem to cry all the time but he seems happy and I so want him to marry me. He humiliates me in jokes about my breast size in front of others but in private he talks about me going even bigger and I don’t know what to do.

Answer 1

This is unusual but not unheard of, you must love him very much to do this for him, Learn to live with it, get clothes made if you cant find things to fit and enjoy all the attention your getting. Some women love having large breasts and you can to if you want to keep this loving caring man. Ask the surgeon next time how large you can go that is safe and if needs be go to the size he wants you to. Its not much to ask for to keep the man you want. Some women have breasts as large as G or H so you could still look good. Remember better to keep him happy with you than having him stair at other women. I wish I had tried harder to keep my man.

Answer 2

To be blunt what you are experiencing is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesnt neccessarily have to involve physical attacks.

What this man is doing is psychological abuse, he has got you so dependant on him that you feel if you were to do something for yourself, that you need to do, you would lose him. You even say "he seems happy and i so want him to marry me" What about you, are you happy? do you want to marry him?

You still have time to change this situation. Think about this situation logically, HE wanted you to get bigger breasts, HE wanted you to get even bigger breasts, and HE humiliates you and makes fun of you in front of other people. YOU didnt want bigger breasts, YOU didnt want to get even bigger breasts, and YOU did not choose to do this HE made you. Do you see where i'm going with this?

Please leave this man, you are already experiencing the first stages of depression, that is why you are unhappy and crying all the time, and he will only feed off of this. The more depressed you get, the more he will be able to make you see that getting bigger breasts will make him love you even more. In reality it will be a way to control you further and alienate you from the outside world.

You are one step away from sliding down into emotional and psychological abuse, the longer you leave it the harder you will find it to leave, because you will have no self confidence left - he will of made you feel you cannot cope without him in your life, and that no-one will love you the way he does because of the way you look, and that is exactly what he wants.

A man that truly loves you would not buy you breast implants unless you were deeply unhappy with your body and had been talking about having it done.
A man who truly loved you would not manipulate you into going larger and larger when they know you dont want to do it, and are frightened of surgery etc.
And a man who truly loved you would not humiliate you in front of others.

Please be strong and leave this bully, get a reduction to a size you like, and rediscover all that beautiful self confidence you have inside. Then one day in the future you will find a man who loves every part of you exactly the way it is, and wont make you do anything you dont want to do. That is the sign of a man who truly loves you.

I really hope that you find the strength inside to do what you know is best for you and you alone, just think how difficult it would be to leave him when married, you would have to get divorce papers and maybe provide evidence of how he abused you. If you leave now it will be much easier, just walk out the door one day and never go back. Confide in a friend or relative and get them to help you leave him.

I hope you sort this out, and find a lovely man to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 3

It is an obsession. If you have troubles finding clothes, you are not proportional. If you are being made fun of, this is a problem too. Nobody deserves this.
You have been engaged for 10 years. This is about 9.5 years longer than normal.
If you feel like a freak, you both should go to a counsellor and get these issues talked out.

Answer 4

This sounds like a partner i had'. Listen, being engaged for 10 years is way too long to begin with but it just might be a blessing in disguise for you.
People, family, partners are all important but what is most important is yourself. You have to be happy first in order to keep others happy. So far you are able to keep the unhappiness within yourself but trust me it will start effecting everything - your relationships, work and life.
You or anyone of us have to be accepted the way we are and not modified by surgeries to please the partners.
For a moment forget about your love for him but think does he love you?? He doesnt think about how you feel, how it embarrasess you, humiliates you infront of others - this is quite unacceptable!!
He is sick and is suffering with some mental illness. The reason i write so much is because i had a partner who use to find everything wrong with me and wanted me to fix everything - from habits to my face to my weight (iam 5.5. and have never been over 125lbs) .... and it went on and on. I thought i love him too and cannot live without him. But the sadness became over bearing and then i seeked professional help. Broadly speaking 2 main things came out of it.
1. He was mentally ill - insecure due to some issues in his past and childhood (maybe the way he was brought up -and by the look of it, it all looks very normal)
2. I was suffering with very low self esteem.

How can you let someone/anyone treat you like this?!?!?

My sincere advice, get out of it. Yes, it will hurt like hell but time heals and i assure you, you will get over it. Once you'll be out of it you will feel great and im damn sure you will find another man - i did!

Do seek professional help - its ok to go to one. If not keep talking to a sensible freind.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

A ten-year engagement and letting yourself be forced into having cosmetic surgery?! I think you have some serious mental issues that should be dealt with. I'm not trying to be mean...but hanging on to this abusive guy for so long and allowing him to talk you into having things done that terrify you is not love...not of a marriage...and not of compassion.

You really should have a long talk with a third party and try to figure out what makes you so terrified of losing this unloving man.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is being completely selfish. Do you want to be loved for your breast size or for who you are? The present he bought you was for him not you. Supposing he had bought you an operation to remove a limb, would you have gone through with that?

If he isn't happy with you as you are then he doesn't really love YOU.
He would rather have you miserable with the large breasts that he wants than happy with the body you were born with. The fact that he humiliates you when you are out with him is disgusting, it seems as though he thinks of you as an object for his amusement rather than a person in your own right. The constant pressure he has applied is nothing more than psychological abuse.

You sound as though you lack self-esteem and the fact that you now feel like a freak will not help that. When you feel bad about yourself it is easier for people to manipulate you and your 'boyfriend' sounds like a typical manipulator. The bottom line is that he is a control freak and at the moment he has got the perfect subject to practice his controlling ways on.

He relies on the fact that you are afraid of losing him to get you to do what he wants. This is a pattern in many relationships and the only way out is for the person being controlled to regain control of their own lives, learn to love themselves and see the situation for what it really is - unequal, unfair and extremely damaging. If you can't be lovable to him as you really are then what is the real nature of his feelings toward you anyway? Why on Earth would you want to marry the kind of creep that humiliates you in public and obviously doesn't care one jot about your happiness. Your own mental and emotional health is at stake here and that is a million times more important than keeping this selfish little man happy.

I only hope that you can find the strength to stand up for your rights as a human being and get out of this destructive situation before it completely ruins your life. What would the point be in being married and unhappy. Better to face the fear of being without him now than live your whole life as the compliant object of someone elses sick mind, and he is sick, have no doubt about that. Don't imagine you are going to change him or that things will get better. The only person you can change is yourself, go back to a size you feel happy with and tell him if he doesn't like it then he can hit the road. For Gods sake talk to somebody yourself, a counsellor a close friend, anyone that you can trust with your feelings, you need some love, help and support to get through this. Get some books about Self Esteem, there are lots out there, loving yourself is what this is really all about, if you don't begin to learn how then you will continue to be a bit player in somebody elses game. Ask yourself what do really get out of this relationship. What does he do to make you happy? You deserve better than this.

Please think of yourself. if you are not happy then what is the point of any of it? Seriously, you should leave him and regain control of your life and body. It wont be easy but its a better option than a lifetime of misery with a control freak who - despite anything he may say only thinks about himself and couldn't care less about the real you. You CAN be happy and in control of your own life - the ball is in your court.

Answer 7

Its an obsession and its his.he must deal with it cause its ruining your life.engaged for 10 yrs is he slow or what? Sounds like he's getting everything his own way and isn't going to change. DITCH the selfish b*****d,reduce your breast size to what makes you feel human and start living your life for yourself not him.remember things can only get better.luck babe

Answer 8

It is an error to see marriage as a real entity when it is only a mirage, a game . SO don't die for marriage. Every time the doctors do surgery you are closer to heaven. Is that what you want?

Answer 9

I cannot belive that you would be so stupid as to allow someone full control over your body like that. Where is your mind? Did you leave it behind somewhere?.... Wow.. Two painful surgeries just so a slob of a man can oogle and make fun of you.. Well done.

Answer 10

Well butterf. , i dnt want to giv u any medical opinion as to ur man's problem except that u better get rid of him as soon as u can.
he's in love with balloons and not u.rather than repent all life,betr kick him out ur life NOW.