How can I get rid of thoughts of other women?

Question

I am married, but find myself attracted to other pretty women all the time; I get turned on not just by nudity of other women, but even a flash of their body parts, whereas I dont get turned on even when my wife stands nude in front of me. I fantasize about other girls often and masturbate. I love my wife, and always feel guilty about what I do/ think. I have tried getting rid of this habit, but not successful. All that I am able to do is consciously avoid looking at other women and pornography, but still the thoughts creep into me. I am carrying this baggage of guilty consciousness all the time. To add insult to injury, my wife is a mind reader and knows what I am thinking about when I make love with her. She constantly chides me saying that my this habit is reason for all our miseries. Can anyone help? I am looking for serious answers. Dont tell me to leave my wife. I love her too much and we have kids as well.

Answer 1

try a good psycho-therapist , they usually marriage counsellors & similar ...

i do not mean a psychiatrist

this will give u a better idea
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychotherapy

yes, it is an uncommon profession ... but since u'r honestly seeking help, u gotta take some pains of finding one around ..

try asking local marriage councellor ... sure they can guide u 2 someone good

it's just a question of gettin it outta u'r system
> just somethin at back of u'r mind, some mental blocks or obsessions .. somethin

try this
http://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/

>> all the very best & my sincere wishes ..

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Look dude, you have got to understand that thoughts of being with other women is pretty darn normal! I don't know about the porn thing, some say its bad, but others say its just fantacy. If you masturbate then welcome to the club, as that too is normal! Having feelings is one thing, but acting on them is another. You will find that guilt will not allow you to act on your feelings. Your wife shouldn't feel threatened by you looking at other women, all guys do this! You should tell your wife, "if you wanted a boss, you would have married your boss" and she just needs to get over it. You married her, and that should be proof enough that you love her and no one else. She needs to go to therapy and find out what her issues truly are. The guilt you are feeling is guilt that she is laying on you, and this is wrong on her part. She don't trust you, and she is using this to back up her own fears. Is she looking for a reason to blame your miseries on? Yes! We have been married for 32 years, and we love each other, and I don't think we made it this far by not trusting each other. I think if you do your own investigating you will find that she too has something she is hiding from you! You can't tell me that she don't have fantacies about some hot guys too. Remember this; a marriage is based on love and trust. Yu and her better find a way to put the flame back into your marriage and do it now, or you two are headed for trouble. What would she say if you put up a swimsuit calendar in the garage? If she feels threatened by this, then she has issues she needs to work out right away. There is a certain part of you that she will never be able to control, and the sooner she realizes it the better off you are going to be. Having feelings is normal, acting on them is another issue. If you are true to her, then she should have a little faith in your marriage. Just because you look does NOT mean you are going to go out and have an affair! 100% of the time, if someone is doing the accusing, they are the one doing the cheating! The spell check is not working so disreguard the spelling.

Answer 4

Yeh dude, its normal, get over it. All men think about other women whether they admit it or not. All men masturbate whether they admit or not. Women do the same thing, they look at other men and masturbate too. After being married for a while, there is that usual feeling of things getting boring. You get used to each other, you've had sex like 10,000 times in every different position. But as time goes by, the excitement fades, and you end up having sex in the same position, maybe only at night while the kids are asleep. It loses its spontaneity and becomes kinda boring. Its only natural to fantasize about how things could be different. You are a guy and you are gonna look at other women, it doesn't mean you're gonna go out and screw 'em. LOL
How to solve your problem? Hmmmm....I don't think there is any way to solve it. You can DEAL with it in many ways.
The suggestion about role-playing and having some sex games could help. Spending some time apart could help. Seeking couples counseling could help. I don't think there's anything wrong with porn either. Maybe you and your wife could watch it together? Anything to spice up your sex life could help. Hey, maybe having a 3-some could help. Depends on what you and your wife are comfortable with. I know plenty of couples that do have open sexual relationships. They can go have sex with whoever they want as long as come home to each other. Others wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, which is how I'm guessing your wife would feel. Since guys aren't mind readers, communication is a big problem for most guys. We don't like to talk and share our true feelings because sometimes we fear that the truth may upset the other person. If you could sit down and discuss your inner thoughts without fear of upsetting the other, that could really help. Maybe thats why sitting down with counselor could help.
But getting the thoughts of other women out of your head will probably never happen. Think of it like window shopping, you can look all you want, but you'll never buy it. Theres nothing wrong with that at all.

Oh yeh, you didn't ask for it by smiling at some other woman. Thats the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Answer 5

i think it is some kind of addiction, so it will be very hard for you to get rid of it. The best thing that you can do is to talk to your wife and let her understand your situation, if your wife loves you she will be very patient with you and try to always be with you when temptation creeps in, But the best thing that you can do is to consult a psychologist, i am not saying that you are sick but the psychologist are equipped with knowledge how to avoid what you are feeling. There are also some treatment centers where you can attend talks and be with people who has the same problem as you , then you will understand more what you are feeling. Maybe it is also good that you and your wife will attend marriage counseling. I hope that you find a way to heal so you will continue to have a loving relationship with your wife.

Answer 6

This is sometimes a common problem with married guys, familiarity often takes away the pleasure of making love to your partner (I am sure there would be a few women that encounter this problem too). I would also suggest that you seek counseling for this if it is affecting you and your marriage. Your wife is not a mind reader! she can tell what is going on in your mind by your actions during lovemaking. How much do you touch your wife? do you look into her eyes during lovemaking? how often do you kiss your wife during lovemaking? If the answer to these questions is very little or not at all then that is why she knows.

Answer 7

Please tell your wife what you likes and if she is not willing to give you as you likes, please go to see a psychologist and join some councillings also regarding the human behavior and the Indian culture, this is not a measure problem and may be curable within a short time if you have willing to cure this problem.
Always understand the problems creating after these thinking consider if your wife likes someone else then what you feels about her, the same thing works on your wife's feelings also, so give your wife maximum love and always think about her only.

Answer 8

hello ..while at a distance i see that you and your wife have so much of each other that you have lost the charm of being together, give each other some space, try being away from eachother, send each other love notes or sexual notes about what you want to do when u get home with her, ask her to not show you so much flesh. this will keep u wanting.
Bring a spark to ur relation think of ur wife as a new girlfriend everyday, do things that will surprise her, try to do away with the thoughts of other girls, make a porn starring both of u ll and mastubate to that.
Show that you love your wife by taking her name when u make love to her ...taht way u ll stay concentrated to ur wife.

Answer 9

I have read your question and also the explanatory note thereunder . You are attracted by other women and girls because you must have been giving them encouragement by seeing or by your gestures and smiles. It is an admitted fact that women is weakness of men. Even very gentle and pouis men submit before women. It is no exception with you either. Today the female dress themselves with so designed and sext dresses so as to depict each and every part to other persons to arouse their sex. Sex is an instict and no person is immune to this instnct. The problem with your wife is also not uncommon. Each housewife knows as to what is good and what is bad for her husband. She cannot consume and digest other woman in the private relationship with her husband. In my opinion you should not take it very seriously. You should give proper attention and love to your wife. Do sex with her and have love and care with your kids. In nut shell, I advise you to very kindly make your wife understand that you love her passionately and there is no other woman in her place in your mind.

Answer 10

Well, the devil made you do it. Seriously, he puts it out there all the time...in a marriage, it is of course common that people get 'used' to each other..most women, as you admit, know this about their husbands..it is hurtful, and most men would die if they even thought that their wives were fantasizing about other men to make love to them...So, just be aware that it is satan trying to destroy your marriage, just like he is doing to everyone. It takes a lot to be strong in this day and age, and you better just pray to God to give you strength, before you end up losing your lovely wife. I have no doubts that you adore her...and the porn is the worse..it is satan trying to destroy you my friend, how strong are you really? be aware of who your real enemy is and start praying ..good luck..don't fall for his trap