God, why are mother-in-laws so bad? Mine is AWFUL, she is just, rude & VERY patronizing!?

Question

I just dont understand her! She Always puts me down which has me questioning my skills as a mother, but then she turns round and says I remind her of herself (aghhhh scary thought!) She never has time for my kids either which is upsetting, she favours her other grandkids!

Ive been with her son for 9.5 yrs and married for 9mnths, Ive tried to win her round but she aint having none of it, which is a shame! Im glad in a way that she completely spoils her other grandkids rotten cos at least my boys will learn the value of things and grow up to be better people! My oldest is 6 and he is already starting to notice how she is to me and that she treats them different, Ive told my hubby when he asks her difficult Qs, I aint gonna hold back on explanations, anyone else agree with this??

Just to add, she never had a close relationship with her son!!

Answer 1

Shoot her. The judge and jury WILL understand. They've got mother's in law as well.

Answer 2

Look - you don't have to put up with rudeness. Realize one thing - there is NOTHING you can do to make your mother-in-law like you so get your self respect back! I mean, politely by the way. No point in antagonizing your husband.
But you can say: I find that offensive/hurtful/patronizing. Take the high moral ground, but don't allow your life to be miserable because of another person's insecurities. Read a book on how to be assertive.

Answer 3

Every mother in law would be like that if she felt that another woman is taking her role in her little baby boy's life (Every mother will view her children as babies no matter how old they get!)

Just be patient with her and try to win her love, deep down she must be scared of losing her son, just try to prove to her in simple little gestures that you are not going to take him away from her or divert his love to her to you.

She is a human being after all, just give her a chance even if it takes a little while in the end she will realize what a wonderful person you are and be happy for the both of you ^_^

Answer 4

You generalized a matter that is personal. First what you said is a judgement passed by you onto her. She might not like you very much because you are not the girl she hoped for her boy. As for rude and patronizing this is again a judgement you gave, so be careful, and calm and judge things in a pragmatic way. you might find her better or you might try to forget the past where she might have skolded you with harsh words.

Answer 5

The answer is one word: JEALOUSY

She is jealous of the relationship you have with her son. Maybe they were very close before and she feels you have stolen him from her. Or maybe she wasn't very close to him, but wanted to be.

Either way, she will probably find reasons not to like you. Perhaps, to maintain her own self-confidence, she will think you are not a good wife (or at least not up to _her_ standards).

Try suggesting (in front of her) that she and her son should spend some quality time together somehow. She might react negatively initially, but my guess is her attitude to you will change.

Answer 6

Sounds like she is very insecure and playing one off against the other, have you tried talking to her about this and explaining that you value her input of all things in life but unless you make some mistakes how can you give that voice of experience out yourself, its hard to have your husband understand as he is her son and sees his mom as a good person who loved him and brought him up, have you asked your hubby to spend less time seeing her since you got married cause that's a thing mom in laws hate, never stop him seeing his mom no matter what, maybe she is just testing your strength and playing silly games, sounds very much like my mom in law was with me, I just had it out with her in the end up cause I couldn't see any other way to make her understand that patronising me and doing me down was hurtful, we became closer after that and had a good mutual understanding of each other, hope she realises your a good person and a mother like her soon or she could lose you.

Answer 7

She's jealous of you because your a great mom and you took her son!! You win!!Your kids are better off that she favors the others because all she would do is compare them to the others. Not that she doesn't already. But look at it this way she won't ever call you to take her anywhere. Let her husband deal with her and tell him how you feel about her actions toward you and your kids. I can bet your mom don't treat your husband that way does she??

Answer 8

She sounds awful. I feel so bad for you.

Don't lie to your son. Tell him you don't know why the old bag treats you that way. As far as her favoritism to the other grandchildren, don't put up with it. Do not go places where your Mother-in-law is able to show favoritism in front of your kids. If she asks why, let her know you don't care how she treats you but you will NOT have your children treated that way.

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you, i too have been in this situation with an in-law, the best advice i can give is as hard as it may seem to you, just tell yourself that she cannot give or do for your kids anything that you can't and believe this it is a blessing she is not in your life as she is a jealous, bitter and twisted woman and I'm sure you and yours are better off without her.

Answer 10

I am afraid it seems to be there nature. Maybe there jealous we make our partners happy?

I always hold back my opinons as it only seems to give her more ammunition when I answer or defend myself.

I now just smile like theres no tomorrow and know that I'm going home very shortly with her son.

my mil always asks Chris to go and live back home, even though we have our own family and another baby on the way!!!!

Smile, smile, teeth gritted....

Answer 11

my mother in law is nice to me and i love her and she loves me,
i don't know why she is rude to you maybe she thinks you are not good for her son but don't push yourself for her to like you just be yourself and show to her that her son made the right choice of marrying you, you cannot please everybody isnt it? but the only advice I can give you as long as you and your partner is happy and you love each other and you have a happy family there's nothing to worry, besides you did not marry her you marry her son so prove to her that you have a happy family, don't be pressured of things which is not necessary, in the end she will realise that you are a good wife and a good mother to her grand children. Best of luck!