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2006-08-04 21:23:36 · 27 answers · asked by blankman86 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An Indian boy asks his dad how Indian children get their names. The father tells him that when an Indian child is born it is named after the first thing the father sees when he steps out of his teepee. "When your brother was born I stepped out of my teepee and scared a deer which was feeding nearby. So your brother was named Running Deer. When your sister was born the first thing I saw was a beautiful waterfall off in the distance. So she was named Fallingwater. Why do you ask Two Dogs F_ _ king?"
2006-08-12 19:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?
A: The Wheelchair!
or
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"
a.. Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"
a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?
a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re both dogs!
a.. What do you call male ballerinas?
a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn\'t he just buy dinner?
a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it\'s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it\'s in your ***?
a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
2006-08-12 02:31:52 · answer #2 · answered by Crazy_Wanderer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A man takes his son hunting with him. On the wa to the tree, the dad tells his son, "don't make a sound no matter what, or else I'm gonna kick your butt." The little boy nods and sits on a log next to the tree. After about an hour, the little boy lets out a blood curdling scream. Ticked, the dad climbs down and asked what that was about. The boy replies, "Dad, when the bee sting me in the ear, I didn't move. When the skunk sprayed my face and body, I didn't say a word. But when those two squirrels ran up my pant leg and said should they have them here or to go, I had to do something!"
2006-08-13 01:17:53 · answer #3 · answered by Shawna M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK these may not be the funniest but they are my favorites
1)
Why do baby ducks walk softly?
Because they can't walk hardly
(Cute or what?)
2)
Two men looking at the cars crossing the Humber bridge from Yorkshire into Lincolnshire. One says to the other. " Only two good things come out of yorkshire. Cricketers and whores".
The second man says " My wife comes from Yorkshire"
"Oh really", says the first, " Does she bat or bowl ?"
3)
I went to the opticians the other day " Mr Smith", the optician said to me " You will have to stop masturbating"
"Oh really" I replied, " Is it making me blind?"
" NO " said the optician " You are upsetting all the other people in the waiting room!"
and lastly perhaps the greatest moment in British comedy ( lots of credit and much respect to the "Not The Nine O'Clock News" team)
4)
(must be done in a swedish accent to work properly)
A man goes into a swedish chemist shop
"I'd like to buy a deodourant please"
" Certainly Sir, Would you like ball or aerosol"
" Neither, I wants it for my armpits"
2006-08-12 21:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on a
beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and
with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't
need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Bin Laden.
The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned
to that bottle forever."
Osama thought a moment. Then grumbled about the impertinence of women,
and said , "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed
in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!"
The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding,
and Hillary Clinton. His wiener was gone, his knees were broken, and he had
no health insurance. God is good.
2006-08-13 03:14:59 · answer #5 · answered by elge13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two blondes are walking in the woods and come across some tracks. One said they were deer tracks and the other said they were moose tracks. They stood there arguing for an hour until the train hit them.
2006-08-12 18:30:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A husband was silently filling out a crossword puzzle in the living room when suddenly his wife came and smacked his head with a rolled newspaper...
Husband: Honey, what was that for?!
Wife: *Pulls out a piece of paper* Who the heck is Mary Jane?
Husband: Aww honey, that was the horse I was betting on early this morning
Embarrased, the wife apologized and walks away.
Later that day...
The wife angrily whacks a heavy book on her husband's head...
Husband: Honey, what was that for???
Wife: YOUR HORSE CALLED!
2006-08-12 18:21:37 · answer #7 · answered by gabrielle_beasca 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy!"
2006-08-10 23:07:08 · answer #8 · answered by Erin A 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods.
"I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
2006-08-05 04:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why didn't the teddy bear eat any dessert?
Because he was stuffed lols its cute an dfunny plus its true lol
2006-08-05 04:33:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋