After the baby my husband won't have sex with me?

Question

i gave birth 7 months ago and my husband told me i never should have asked him to be in the delivery room And now he sleeps on the couch...Help..... I love him wiyh all my heart What can i do to get him to return to our bedroom?

Answer 1

He might consider going to see his doctor - he won't be the only man who has ever had this problem. I have heard of it before. He can't be wanting things to be like this so maybe a chat with your GP would help. I don't think it means he doesn't love or want you anymore. But men are delicate little flowers - which is why WE have the babies! - and he may just have found the whole experience very traumatic. Also, as you will know only too well, life changes so much after a baby arrives and you are both under such pressure for different reasons. Maybe he's worried that now he has this little person who depends so much on you both and perhaps he feels he's not up to the task. Could be anything, but get him to talk about it - if not to you then to someone else he trusts. But your GP will have heard it all before. Congratulations on your new arrival and I know you'll get over this little bump in the road :0)

Answer 2

He sounds like a major jerk! I can't believe some people. That should have been the greatest thing ever, to see you're child come into the world. My sisters husband fainted and the nurses just stepped over him during the delivery. He obviously was traumatised by this. What, he didn't know how far "it" could stretch.(LOL) I'm sorry. I've just never heard of such. My husband was married for 18 yrs and never had any children with his 1st wife. We now have two, and he was there for both births. He wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know how old your husband is, but he needs to GROW UP! Does he not see what he's doing to you're marriage. You seriously need to talk this out. Let him know that just because you had a baby doesn't mean you don't want tohave sex anymore. I was always thought it ws the woman that got that feeling about not wanting it anymore after a baby, not a man. The two of you may need counseling, and him a good therapist! I sure hope things get better for you, or you may need to consider a divorce from this whack-o!

Answer 3

Quoting a Coupling episode, "There are some places you don't expect to see a face!" "For you it's the miracle of life. For us: horror porn!"

It's the last season of Coupling (season 4) if you wanna give it a look. Your husband may find it interesting too. Or just get the whole series. Each season is extremely short, some consisting of 8 episodes or less. Not a solution, but it might help on the perspective.

Anyway, try to get him to talk about it a little. You guys might want to find a sex therapist and see if that will help any. Some counseling could do him some good. It may just end up taking time for him to adjust to what he's seen, or he may need strong counseling. We really can't tell from here, and especially since he's not the one asking for help. All I can say is that if he just can't get past it, he should probably try to get some counseling to get over it. And if there's another baby, he might wanna stay out of the delivery room.

Answer 4

This is very common. This reaction, can even happen to new fathers who do not go into the delivery room. But, from watching the delivery, the blood, cutting, etc. 'did' traumatize, him. But, seven months??? That does, seem to be a little extreme. Sometimes, the new dad, is afraid he may 'hurt', the new mom...but, in your case, it sounds more like post-traumatic stress syndrome? The thought of what he saw, cannot easily leave his mind, and when and if he thinks of you, "in 'that' way"---those 'thought's come back into his mind. I think, he, and possibly, both, of you can work this out together, but, professional counselling (via, your physician could suggest someone...) would probably, be the most effective path to take, at this point.

Wish you and your new family, all the best. Love will prevail!

Answer 5

Awe I'm so sorry! That's so sad. Obviously he loves you but I've heard of that happening. If you've talked to him and it hasn't helped it looks like you're going to have to whip out the big guns and go all out on a sex hunt.

Depending on if you mind him watching naughtier movies you could start subtly and bring home an R movie that you'd both enjoy with hot and heavy scenes.

Then start with dressing up slowly and then skimp it down. If you look good he will STILL notice. Even if the birth got to him he still won't loose that urge big time after all he's a guy.

Start just telling him how overwhelmed you are etc. you know seduce the hell out of him and tease him. Not trying to be graphic but tell him you guys don't actually have to have sex that you just need to make out bad blah blah men get so horny he'll HAVE to give in eventually if he really loves you.

If he still doesn't after another month with you laying it on thick I'd take him to therapy and if that doesn't work I'd call Cheaters.

Answer 6

sorry girl look at it from his point of view he watched a Head come out of something that.....well u get the point some men just cant get over watching something like that i think yall should go to a family therapist so he can overcome this "problem" make Ur feelings know tell him u have needs 2 and u cant keep going on like this they say sex is not everything in a relationship but that's not true for a couple that is still very active needs sex in order to keep a relationship going and he will need it sooner or later he also could be under a great deal of stress with the new baby i hate to say this but make sure he is still faith full and not getting from someone else lets hope not gl and take care of that baby

Answer 7

He could be going through alot of stress but really what he is doing is really wrong. He told you that you should have never asked him to be in the delivery room? I mean most fathers want to be in there and support. If he is grossed out by the delivery process he needs to grow up and stop acting like a child.
Stay strong. You do not deserve that treatment.

Answer 8

I can just about understand the sex avoidance, though I must say it didnt hit me that way, but whats with the sleeping on the couch? That feels rather punishing, unless it's a smokescreen for wanting to avoid sleep disturbance!

Like many of the other respondents, I would also say that communication must be the key to working this one out, and it may require a 3rd party such as RELATE

Wish you both well

Answer 9

Try to bring the excitement back. Maybe dress in sexy underwear and show your husband that your not just a baby machine and that through touching each other is a way to express your love and affection but don't give up. Also, tell him the next he sees your body there wont be a head coming out but whats been there since before your child.

Answer 10

i know exactly what you're going through i'm 3 1/2 months into a sex drought after birth. all my partner will say about it, is that although it was the best thing to happen to him it's all he can imagine! nice... i've found that the more i try to talk to him about it, the more he tries to avoid talking about it so i know how frustrating it is! the truth is most men will avoid talking about it to anyone, even a trained professional as not wanting to have sex isn't very masculine, i'm trying to give subtle hints and just cuddle and kiss and eventually i hope he'll get used to the idea, either that of i'll get him drunk first, as he says once we've had sex once it should make things better for him. good luck and please post something if you break him!