Can anyone with experience please give advise...?

Question

My fiance of 6 months and I were having no seen problems whatsoever. Three weeks ago, out of no where, our relationship snoballed, and this passed Wednesday, I went to his house and he told me numerous things. One minute he was saying he needed to find himself and the next he's saying that he's doing me a favor he cannot give me what I need. None the less, he ended it with me. The only thing that was constant out of his mouth was that he does and always will love me. Boy were the water works coming from him! He's not an emotional person...why cry is this is something you want? He didn't give me a straight reason as to why...nor did he ask for the ring back. Surprisingly, he told me that he was going to continue to make the payments on the ring and that I should hold onto it...what is really going on? We were together for three years and this was the one I was stopping with...thanks for the help!

I guess I should also mention that our relationship is not the only aspect of his life that snoballed...within these past three weeks he hasn't been going to work (which he got the job through my brother-in-law), I got a call today from my oldest sister letting me know that they fired him. Why is he letting everything in his life go in the crapper??

Answer 1

I am thinking that there may be more than you know in terms of what is really going on in his world. Maybe he has hit ahard spot in his life and really thinks that you are better than that and he doesnt want to expose you to the problems. It is obvious he still loves you, and even though he cant talk to you right now about what is going on, maybe he will come to terms and deal with it. I say stick by his side, be a friend to him and offer your assistance. Dont give up on something that obviously doesnt want to give up on you.
If he truly loves you- he will be back.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a difficult one. Ok, first of all, I'd postpone the wedding, if you haven't done so already, obviously he's really going through some things that need to be resolved before he marries anyone. Second, the fact that he said he's not ready and has lost his job, mean for one, he's not ready...lol and two, that perhaps he realizes that right now, he won't be financially able to provide for the both of you. Now, the fact that he said he'd still pay for the ring, puzzles me, but it could possibly mean that he's not ready now but maybe he will be in the future, that he wants to hold on to you, but i wonder what's really going on with him?? Men are so funny, they hardly ever give you a straight answer and most of the time, they're so confused themselves that they really don't know why they do such stupid stuff! I'd trying talking to him again, about what's on his mind, i mean I'm sure you still love him and want an explanation and he owes you one...and if you can't get anything out of him, just leave him alone for a few, give him time to sort things out. Sometimes when you've had a chance to deal with things alone, you have a better perspective of how to handle them. If you love him, don't give up on him just yet, perhaps it's something "else" going on that he's afraid to tell you about for whatever reason so give it a chance..but don't wait forever...

Answer 3

Lots of things could be going on . He won't talk , then who knows. Did you try asking his mom. dad , sister , or brother ? Does he have a best friend to ask ? People who love each other should be able to talk about anything, and not get mad.
My wife always told me - - - If you have something and you let it go , If it is yours it will come back , But if it does not come back it never was yours in the first place.
You sound sad , and unhappy. I am sorry for you. I hope some of this may help you.
He might just need some room for a little while. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

WOW!!! I don't know what to say. I guess first let me start by saying that I am sorry. Second, I use to date someone whom didn't think that he was good enough for me, nor did he think that he would be able to provide for me the way he thought I should be provided for. I tried to reassure him as much as I possibly could but a man's ego can be a very complicated thing. No matter what I said or did he just couldn't get it through his head. Maybe he is getting cold feet, maybe he is scared. Maybe he did something that he shouldn't of done and can't deal with it, can't handle being with you and loving you and living with what he did. I honestly don't know honey. If you had a good relationship and good communication give him some time. In a couple of days try talking to him and find out what is going on. Also, I broke up with someone that I was IN LOVE with less than two years ago. Not someone that I loved but fell out of love with, but someone that I LOVED!!! I broke up with him because I knew that no matter how much I loved him it was just never enough, and that sometimes love is not enough.
I hope I was able to help a little.
Good Luck, sweetie!! If it was meant to be, it will be.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear this. He might have just the cold feet. He knows that he wants to be with you but not seriously commit to being with you for the rest of his life at this moment. You guys have to sit down and seriously talk. Tell him that he can't just do that to you without any explanation, especially after spending 3 1/2 years together. However, you don't want to come off as being pushy, so you can give him time to think about it. Tell him that you are giving him space but out of respect to you, he should let you know what the reason was. Whatever reasons he has, be civil with it....unless he was cheating on you with another lady (which I hope isn't the case). And you know what, don't worry, it's his loss...take care and good luck!

Answer 6

Could be cold feet.Some men are secretley affraid of marriage.He probably does love you.
You know it if he does.Or he may be dealing with stress from someone like a family member or friend.Someone might be telling him he's not
ready for marriage.Or he may be affraid that after he's tied the knot his life will change too much.May be affraid of loosing time w/ friends.
But all you can do is let him know that you love him unconditionally and will wait.I think he will
realize soon enough that he really wants to marry you.He's just confused about where his life will take him.So stay where you are.Don't blink an eye.He'll be right back where he belongs,with you.He just needs to think for a while.

Answer 7

3 years is a long time and its hard to give someone that you love up like the way he did but he might not be ready. Mariage is a very big step especially for 2 young people like yourselves. Trust me I know I'll be 23 and Im married with 2 kids I love my kids more than anything but I was young. I got married when I was 18 and had nothing but problems since then. I WAS TOO YOUNG. And for him to break up with you like that is not right, he might have done something that he now regrets, he might love but not be ready for the big step. You wont really know unless you sit down and talk to him about it. Besides you want a good career so do that first before you get married. You might get mad at response but I'm telling you from experience not from thought.

Answer 8

Let me start by saying I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I think the reason for doing this is because, HE IS LOST. HE does not know what he wants and I pesonally think that by leaving you in the dark that he is hoping that you will come and fight for him.DON"T!! That will make you look weak and that just may turn him away. I say let him go on his little venture on finding himself and you do the same. I say try in a round' about way to find out what happened and what he is going through. Be there for him. Be his FRIEND. NOT HIS FRIEND WITH BENEFITS. Just a FRIEND. I think that will help you get the piece of mind that you are looking for and maybe help him realize what he just gave up and come running back to you.

Answer 9

I have been dating my ex fiance for 10 years waiting for the day to walk down the aisle. We were engaged for the past 5 years. We were suppose to get married this past May. I finally broke it off January of this year after cheating on him. So, I think he might be cheating on you while still wanting to be with you when it is said and done with his new beau. I do feel sorry for you though looking at it from the other side of the spectrum. He will love you for a while, but so with time it will fade. I want to tell you keep the ring, but give up. He is not worth it. It is hard to phantom that not having the one you loved for so much for so long is now gone, but love comes in different forms. Don't let yourself be cheated or robbed of love. Don't build barriers. You are more important to yourself. Think of it this way... it could be a sign of more to come. I know how much it hurts but reevaluate yourself. You gave it your best because you are the best. He is not worth it unless he has alot of explaining to you and your heart.

Answer 10

I think the fellow got cold feet. He found himself making a commitment that I don't think he really thought what it meant until now. Three years is a long time to invest in someone and find out that the investment you planned to spend your life with just bailed.
Whether he takes the ring or leaves the ring, that does not matter.
Your fiance' just stopped being your fiance'.