Will this haunt my son someday?

Question

My son is 27mos old. Just this morning he messed on his bed. Out of anger, his dad shoved his face to his own poop. Someday will my son remember this terrible experience?

He was a preemie and at age 1 his body was still so tender he couldnt even crawl. We couldnt potty-train him then. I think he's just learning. When I confronted my husband about his act, we had a terrible argument. How can I make him understand? What should I tell him? He thinks the kid does it on purpose, just to irk him out (because my kid's naughty and impish most times, he's a happy kid).

Thanks.

PS - Husband is normally nice to the kid, it's just the poo that really gets into him. I tell you this morning I really wanted to turn him in, but I live in the Philippines, child abuse issues are not as "important" to the police who have "bigger" issues to deal with. I'm a writer/editor here and could work better at night so I'm usually asleep the whole day. My husband thinks work is more important to me than my family. *sigh*

Yes.why did I let that happen?i'm appalled at my own neglect.i'm sorry.
It's a little backwards out here. I dont know why. the answer i got fr my sociologist friend is that people would work their *ss till it burns so they could feed the kids than bother with issues "trivial" like this. abuse in my neighborhood alone is appaling, wish you could live here so you'll understand.

The answers are all very helpful. I showed hubby all your messages and he understood.it makes me look so dumb letting something like this pass, but i told him this should never happen again.My father will have fits when he finds out since Um (my son) is his baby, i also told hubby if he wants to deal with FATHER, then he could do it to my son again. he swears never to do it again and that he's so sorry. he was an idiot and thank God he's aware now.

Thank you all folks for the enlightening answers. If you could leave a message to my husband... he can understand a little English. :-)

and yeah, he already knows what an asshole he was for what he did to our son.so i hope no one
thanks a lot, people. the PT info I got are all very helpful. Thanks mucho.

Answer 1

First of all what the hell are you doing apologizing for your idiot husband for. If you had any sense in the first place you would be taking you and your kids to a safe house. It doesn't matter which country you live in. The safety and the love of your children come first, no matter what obsticals they were born with. They came from you, don't you feel that when you hold them and look into their eyes? Or when you kiss them on their foreheads, and rub noses with them? One day these children may be changing YOUR diapers or YOUR HUSBANDS diapers. Do you wish the same treatment invoked on YOU? When does this cycle stop? And who is going to iniatate it's development? It starts with YOU! You have to be the strong one. You have to tell your husband he is wrong for doing what he is doing. How is your child to learn from his actions that way? How did your child learn not to do a natural act by his father rubbing his face in it? It makes no sense! His father makes no sense. His father has no sense. And his father needs to take a few courses in parenting at a counseling center. And a course in anger management. He truly is an asshole!

Answer 2

What your husband did would be considered in most circles to fall under the heading of abuse. You DO NOT shove your kid's face in its own fecal matter, no matter how angry you are! That man needs to get some anger management training before he gets out of control and starts with beatings or something else horrible!!!

As for your son, hopefully it will fall into the dark recesses of his mind and (providing it isn't repeated) he won't remember it when he's older. I don't think that most people retain memories before they turn 3 or 4 anyway.

As for potty training, your kid will potty train when he's ready. He IS only just barely 2 yo, after all. If you try to rush it, it will end up frustrating everyone involved. Be encouraging, but don't force. And even if you do PT, he will have accidents, so be prepared to clean up some more messes. Most kids usually aren't comfortable with the whole training thing till they're 3, and most aren't fully day/night trained till at least 3-1/2.

Again, I reiterate, your husband was WRONG to do what he did. You need to take extra steps to protect your child in the future!!!

Answer 3

It sounds like you know much more about parenting than your husband. I don't know from firsthand experience, but I can say you're pretty safe in that your son won't remember it...as long as it never happens again. That is a horrible thing to do, and your husband must understand that your child is just that...a child. They make mistakes, break things, and even upset you to the point you want to strangle them...but you love your child and know that you just need to calm down and remember to scold, but not hurt or scare. Spankings are sometimes necessary, but other physical abuse is wrong, and not tolerated by most people. Verbal punishment can only go so far as well, before it becomes abusive. I'm sure you know all this already, but maybe your husband should read this and realize he needs to calm himself before doing something he may regret one day. All in all, your son is only 2, there will be so many things to push this out of his head, he may not remember in 2 days.

Answer 4

I am appalled that you allowed this to happen to your son! I am a mother as well and my 20 month old daughter does some impish things at times but my husband would never dream of even spanking her, not even playfully. What your husband did signals to your son that it is OK to hit other people. It won't just haunt your son but it will make him into a violent person in the future. Don't just talk to your husband, let him know that if he ever does that again you and your son will leave him. And he better talk to your son and apologize and explain to him what happened. Your husband has years and years of making up to do to your son. You say you are a writer, and editor even, that means you are educated, wisen up!

Answer 5

I'll tell you right here and now, that was BS what your husband did to that baby and he better be glad that you are his wife and not me. I would have rubbed his face in it and see how he liked having his face rubbed in poo.Then after that I would kick him out and turned his butt into the cops for child abuse!!

Like you said, that baby was a preemie, and most of the time preemies are slower at doing things than the normal babies are. He will get there. Keep that "husband" away from that baby, it could set him back if he keeps doing stuff like that to him.

Answer 6

What in the **ll are you doing on here get your baby (that is what he is) and get out or else stick your hubbys face in his own doo. That man should be shot. That is the sickest, most ooh that pisses me off. People all around the world would love to be able to just have a child would give life for a child and he thinks he is able to do that girl you better get out that man has problems. And your child will probrably have a problem with this he will probrably not remember it but will have issues that he won't know what they stem from

Answer 7

First of all, you should had kick your husband ***. That was uncall for, what he did to your son. The boy can't help it, things like that happen in life. He should help and not get angry over things like that.
He should been slap or kick in the ***. Thats not going to learn him anything. Take time and go with the flow of it. the boy is a slow learner, and will get there sooner or later.

Answer 8

my 10 year old daughter had an extremely horrinle experience at around the same age.so far (luckily) no recollection of it.thank God.you should do something with your husband,anger management isn't gonna do him any good.don't worry,your noy will get it,just give him time.

Answer 9

your husband needs to have his face shoved into poop. i think what he did was very mean . what seems to be his problem ?? how dare he do that to a child. i think your hubby needs anger management classes!!!! sorry for what he did to your precious child.

Answer 10

i odnt think the baby will remember its rare for sumone to remember that far. And ur husband is an @$$. no offense, but thats what i get form this.