My problem is i feel nervouse talking to people and i feel shy to make proper eye contact. Advise me please..?

Question

I know i have all the necessary skills and i am a graduate but i feel very unomfortable or shy making good eye contact at anyone. I am now 29 years aged and very unhappy and struggling about this problem. I feel my sorrounding people, friends, familly members are not happy or feelling discomfort spending time with me. It would be appreciable if someone could advise me about this problem.

Answer 1

Nobody is better than you, they may have more money, however you are you. they are they
Carry your head high
Look ahead, not down, when walking.
Try talking to yourself in a mirror

Answer 2

I have helped a lot of people having same problem.
If you really want to try a miracle. Do one thing. Stand in front of a mirror and talk anything but loudly. Do it minimum 5 minutes. When you feel you are not shy to talk with the mirror then start talking with your family or friends who are really close and ready to listen whatever you talk but loudly. After doing it and getting some confidence. Look in the mirror there will be your face look in the eyes and talk anything do it as much as possible but talking is important.

Along with this practice, if you have a pc put memo, I TALK WELL, MY FEAR HAS GONE. I AM PERFECT.

Or write on a paper and put near bed or place where you can look often. Or there is also one extra method which is called Subliminal message. There are software in the market you can buy and use but if you want I can send you one which I made for friend and I could also add your problems in that if you want. No need to buy in that case.

Or I can also provide you reading material everything for free. May be you don't believe me. Why not try and see.

[e-mail]

Answer 3

My boyfriend has this problem and it is causing me much frustration b/c I don't always understand. I try to, but my reasoning is this: I think that many people feel the way you do and the way my boyfriend does, but you have to tell yourself everytime "make eye contact, hold his/her gaze, make them look away first." I think that your facial expressions are the dead give away to the "uncomfortableness" that is felt by your friends and family. Practice smiling even when you don't want to. People are not going to do anything to you that you can't handle. People are cynical, people are rude, people have their own frustrations that they are dealing with that make them appear to come across as upset. If you are this shy in conversation, you should try asking the other person something about themselves. It will get the person to talk about a subject that he knows a lot about. Or you can give the person a compliment. I do this all the time, and it makes a person feel good. It also restores the persons faith in human kindness. Practice these things when it doesn't matter. Like, go to the mall and try to make eye contact with a complete stranger and then smile. You don't ever have to see the person again, however, if they remember you their first impression will be "Oh, he smiled at me when I saw him here." If you stay cooped up in your safe little world you will miss out on wonderful people all out in the big scary world.

It also helps if you remind yourself that you are strong, beautiful, and confident. Say it looking in the mirror. Now, say it with me, "I am strong!!!! I am beautiful!!!!! I am confident!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I used to be really shy - probably because I was home-schooled for a while. When I went to a high school of only 300 people it seemed big and I had trouble deciding if I should make eye contact with people in the halls. The best ways I found to get over it were:
1. Talk more around people you are comfortable with, kind of as practice for talking to other people.
2. Think more about how other people feel than about how you feel. for example, of course you should meet people's eyes in the hall, but even more than that you should say hi or smile at everyone you because you would like it if they smiled or said hi to you.
3. Help out and befriend other shy people or people who are new to a group. It will make you feel more confident if you help someone who needs help even more than you do.
4. Just make yourself get out there and do it. Be the first to introduce yourself when you're meeting a group of new people, volunteer to answer a question in class, whatever. You'll feel like it takes all the courage you have at first, but eventually it will start to feel natural.

Answer 5

Screw up the courage and go see a psychiatrist. They will prescribe you Paxil or Lexapro and should advise you on how to practice getting over your fear.

If they are not very helpful in the advice department (after all they are only making 300 dollars an hour) then ask them if there is a good book on the subject, especially one that includes excercises for you to complete.

Trust me that the difference in your life can be really amazing. You can completely remove these feelings from your life, almost overnight, and with practice, and understanding, may not need the medication down the road.

I was at work, miserable, not talking to anyone, no friends except the people who sat right next to me, avoiding meetings. It was awful. Then I just got sick of it and went to see the shrink. I felt extremely self-concious about it at first but as I've regained my real personality that has gone away completely. Within weeks people were calling me to go to lunch with them, I was interacting normally on the job, and being a normal, social person again. And this was really just the medication, not much "therapy" at all.

Quick example of what my former, very expensive Manhattan psychiatrist would tell me to do. He pointed out that I wasn't looking in his eyes, then we would actually practice doing it, he told me to look in the middle of the forehead at first, because people can't tell you're not looking in their eyes, but it is a little easier for people like us. He also would point out other things that I wasn't doing normally, like most people would start asking questions about another person if in conversation with them for a while, but I had barely spoken. We then practiced that. Etc. If you got a good book it would probably identify things you are doing that you don't even know about, and ways to practice overcoming them.

Most important thing is to bite the bullet and go see a psychiatrist. Also, I will say from experience that Paxil is more effective but has more side effects, Lexapro is marginally less effective but has less side effects. Also, let them know how it is working out, because different medications can work differently on different people, you might prefer some other medication that is similar (there are many).

Good luck. Feel free to post follow up questions, I had to blaze my own trail with this problem so I would be happy to see someone else benefit from my insights.

Answer 6

I understand what you're saying, but eye contact is extremely important when dealing with people. Try to break yourself in slowly by 'practicing' on people that you aren't intimidated by, like a family member or a close friend. Just make eye contact for a couple of seconds at a time at first, then gradually increase the time. Not too long though, because that can get uncomfortable as well. In normal conversation, people make eye contact, then look away, make eye contact, look away. You'll get the hang of it eventually I'm sure. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Well I had the same problem. What helped me was getting the idea in my head that I was better then the person I was talking to. Now I didnt openly express this thought, but it did help me make eye contact with them. I still am shy around first talking to people but once I see them stairing into my eyes I enter the thought that I'm better then them and I can hold their stare. And I've found that this is the best way to start off a conversation with someone knew until you get to know them better. It holds some respect and some self-esteem.

Answer 8

Hi. Try not to think about your discomfort. Focus on whatever the person is saying to you - and if necessary don't look them directly in the eye - watch their mouth and occasionally look at their eyes so they know you're paying attention. I found myself doing the same thing, and now I just make a point of not thinking about me or how I may be coming across to the other person. Try and just relax a bit more. (This advice is based on you being an honest person, if the conversations you're having are making you uncomfortable and cause you to fib - then that's a whole other issue.) Good luck and chin up!

Answer 9

You should talk to a therapist. He or she could give you advice based more specifically on your situation.
If you feel that it's not a good solution, then try looking for positive reactions from the people you communicate with. Humans tend to remember all of the negative reactions received from people. Make direct eye contact with someone (even if it's hard) and smile. Chances are they'll smile back and you won't see anything unfriendly in their face. Remember that and not anything you view as negative.

Answer 10

You can do some things privately to help facilitate you in an increased confidence. Very simple,
1. Make a list of 15 things you like about yourself and you can ask family or friends to help you with this. Keep it to one or two words. Example, "I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm help full etc..."
2. Make a list of 15 positive attributes you would like to have.
3. Every morning stand in the mirror and verbally say the list to yourself. It seems silly but people around you will notice a difference rather quickly. you will become what you say you will .
It works!!!Good luck
Care and Bless

Answer 11

Start small. Find one person you can really open up and talk to.
Realize that people are not as judgmental as you think.
Don't worry so much about what people think about you.
Be yourself... you are a good, smart person.
Have some confidence.

If this problem persists, see a doctor, you could have a social anxiety disorder. There are drugs that can help you.

Good Luck.