My twin brother died...?

Question

My twin brother died on Nov 9, 2000. We were 24. I miss him everyday. He commited suicide. He was in the air force, and got hooked up with a South Korean chick. She played around with his head alot, and I think he felt that she just used him for citizenship. He got drunk one night and shot himself in the neck with a 12 gauge shotgun. It was the worst feeling I have ever expierenced. But I also was so mad at him for doing that to my mom and dad. They have never gotten over it, and I suspect they never will. It has made me different, I know that. My ex-wife says that it changed me, and she attributes it as one of the reasons for our divorce. Has any twin ever gone through this? What thinngs have you done to cope? Thanks.

Hey, alasksa....That was really nice. Hope it never happens to you...

Answer 1

I'm sorry about what Alaska said to you, that was totally uncalled for, guess some people never grow up or have a heart.

I don't have a twin, but I did loose a brother, not by suicide, but it was a very unexpected death. He passed away Jan.2, 2005. So I guess you could say in one sense I do know how you feel. I still have not got over loosing him yet. Mom and dad took it so hard that they both have ended up having strokes. I have even moved back home to take care of them.

Aug the 9th would have been his birthday, so that is going to be a hard day for us. This will be the first time that he wouldn't be with us for his birthday.

My heart goes out to you and your family about your brother.I'm so sorry.

Answer 2

My twin sister died in 2000 and she didn't commit suicide but I had a daughter that did and just about the same way as your brother. I lost a son too in 2004 by a gunshot by an intruder. It has been really painful for me and I cry just about every day for my kids; I miss them so much,
Please accept my condolences for the loss; it is such a terrible thing to go through.
I am having the same problem trying to deal with the loss too. I think finding someone to talk to (like a grieve group) may be helpful but if you feel the way I do, you probably have some guilty feelings because you couldn't prevent the suicide.
Just remember, if a person is so determined to give up on life, there is not anything or anybody that can stop it.
Looking back, I see that my daughter was bi-polar and that was the reason she committed suicide at her lowest point.
I feel that a big part of my life is misssing since my sister's death as we wee very close but she was very ill. I just try to get thru each and every day the best I can.and with God's help I have managed to do it. Some days I feel as if I can't go on either and I sometimes think of suicide but I can't put my other 2 kids through that pain and sorrow again.
God bless and I will pray for you and your parents to find some kind of comfort.

Answer 3

I can't say I have gone through someone close to me committing suicide but I recently also lost a sibling. Honestly, I am still not over it and I don't think one can be over it. I miss her every day and if I think about it too much I still find it very painful. I prefer not to go into detail on how she passed away because it was a tragic death and involved another person who committed suicide but sometimes I get so angry. I think, "You were suppose to be here, we were suppose to do all these things together!" I know 100% I am a different person because I just can't see life the same way. I am almost 22 now and always wonder what if she was still here. You being a twin must have been hard because twins share a special connection. All I can say is try to forgive and move on with your life, as hard as it may be. If not it will eat you up inside. By the way I had to go get counseling because I became depressed...how about talking to someone?

Answer 4

I'm not a twin but I lost my daughter on Nov 9, 1977, and I am so very sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. Honestly, I don't think anyone ever "gets over" the loss of a loved one. We just live on, and find a way to live our lives without the pleasure of that person being there in body. I believe that those close to me that have died, are around me in spirit, watching over me. Your brother's memory will live on in your hearts, minds, and souls. Sharing memories of a loved one lost sometimes helps. If you are religious, prayer can be a comfort. Time will ease the pain however, a loss like this stays with you in one form or another, always. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 5

I don't have a twin; however, I am no stranger to loved ones dying. My grandfather died from a slow-progressing disease (Lou Gehrig's disease) when I was 11. a classmate committed suicide the year we graduated h.s. A close friend died 2 years later (freak heart attack at college, 21; I am good friends with his sister); my only father figure died a year after that; one of my best friends died a year later, suddenly, he was 37; I am good friends with his spouse. And one of my h.s. friends has been dying of cancer for about 4 yrs now.
The only thing to do is grieve; get it out; writing, music, crying, talking, sharing time w/ other people who were close. If you can't handle the pain with your parents, get together with your brother's friends. You have to find your sanity, your peace. I don't know if it's possible with a twin; that's like losing a part of yourself: like your spouse or child.
It's not your fault; he knew that you loved him. Some people are so unhappy that they don't see recovery. The pain is too intense to carry on. It doesn't mean he didn't love you.
I was in the hospital the day before my friend died. I was in the hospital with his spouse the minute his soul left his body. It was the first time in my life that I was depressed. I never thought we all could be happy again. But, slowly, we did. The next Friday, just like always, we met at my house for our weekly party. It was sad, it was comforting. It's been 3 and a half years. It took a long time. I think about him every day. I am mostly happy when I think about him & the fun times. I get very sad on the anniversary of his death. My older sister's best friend died this past spring, just 2 days after the anniversary. It was very difficult, but she came to me for comfort. Not much you can do, but say, "she knows you love her".
Eventually--you will be able to be happy again. Your brother knew that you loved him. You do not need to feel guilty for enjoying your life.

Answer 6

Twins feel a sense of connection that is unique.
But you are not alone in experiencing such a horrible thing as loss of a loved one.
You need to learn to forgive your brother and yourself.
Think of the good times you had and try not to dwell on the bad or his death.
It is destroying your life, your relationships and the only thing you can do now is forgive him for the pain he has you and move on. Learn to love again, life is too short to hurt for so long.

Answer 7

I'm sorry about your brother. I'm not a twin but I do have a set of twin sisters and brothers, and they are close( I guess its that twin bond) But may be u could go talk with someone professional to help to deal with his death. Maybe u can join a group who has lose someone to suicide( I don't know how much it helps but it wouldn't hurt to try)

U said u were mad at him for doing this to your mom and dad, I can understand that but if u would also try to forgive him, because u just never know waht was really going on with ur brother. He must to have been really really hurting and he felt he couldn't handle whatever was hurting him, he may have tried to deal with it but just couldn't and he wanted to hurt to go away.

Why don't u please try a support group, u and u family.

God Bless

Answer 8

Not a twin,
I buried my brother 28 years ago. He has been gone, longer than he was on earth. I buried my father within a year after my brother. It is hard, there is hardly a day goes by, I don't think of them..It has taken it's toll, however, passing is part of life. One must accept it in there own way, and deal with it. It does get easier, but we never forget.
Life is so fragile

Answer 9

first of all, i am so sorry for your loss, i can't pretend to know how you feel. second, maybe find some comfort in the fact that maybe the alcohol had too much of an affect on your brother, and he wouldn't have done it had he not been drunk. third, take pride in that fact that you've made it this far. losing a loved one is hard enough w/o them being a carbon copy of yourself, i'm sure, but you have survived, and you will. you have to let go of the anger and forgive him for dying and forgive yourself for living after he's gone. good luck and my God smile on you!

Answer 10

I have not lost a twin but i have lost someone really close to me. I know how bad it hurts and the feeling you get. Really the best peice of advise that someone can give you is mourn while you have to but then just remember her wouldn't have wanted you to spend the rest of ur life crying. He would have wanted you to get on with life and celebrate him though you. Enjoy life...for urself and him.