What do I do about my son?

Question

My son is 8 years old and has a very, very short temper. He gets angry easily. He yells, hits walls, slams doors, throws things, etc. He hasn't seen or spoken to his father in 3 years. We are very open about his father leaving us 5 years ago. I have tried counceling. But nothing has changed. there are times when I think I will go crazy having to put up with this. I can only take so much. I try to be as patient as I can, but my limits get pushed. He can be the sweetest, kindest little boy and then you piss him off or he doesn't get his way and there goes his temper. Also this temper is hereditary. I see the same temper that his father and paternal grandfather have. It saddens(depresses) me to think what I have to look forward to as he gets older. Please ....I need some advice!!!!

Answer 1

Are you sure that anger is the only issue?
There could be a lot of other factors here you have not thought about that are also passed on genetically (ADD, Bi-Polar, High functioning Autism or Asperger's).
Please have him tested by qualified professionals.
My child's pediatrician, teachers(her grades were straight A's), and her child therapist (seen due to anger issues) did not pick up on any of this.
Oh we had bit's and pieces of why she was acting this way (thus the anger management therapy sessions) but we did not get the big picture.
It wasn't until my child was fully tested (at age 10) by a doctor that both had a PHD in psychiatry and worked with children that we discovered what the true problem was.
She has Asperger's Syndrome (which is rare for girls - it usually shows up in boys).
All of the people mentioned above were shocked.
She is so sweet and so caring of others,unless she gets angry.
She would get entire buildings involved when she got angry.
It never occurred to any of them, but once it was pointed out it was so obvious, text book case.
Since then it has made the world of difference.
We now have coping strategies, and my child understands that is isn't because she isn't good enough or trying hard enough.
She is just wired differently.
It has helped me tremendously because even though I knew I was doing the best I could, I felt that it was my fault she acted this way because I wasn't being a good enough parent.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get an evaluation done, it has made the world of difference for us.
Is every day perfect now?
No - but it is a lot easier to cope now.
Knowledge is power!

Answer 2

Fits aren't much fun without an audience. Don't feed in to his temper, with trying to console him. Make sure that the two of you have quality time together. Don't give him excuses to throw a fit. You cannot help it that his Dad left and so you need not apologize to your son for his Dad's behaviors.
Don't let him hear you say that the reason he has a temper is because his Dad had a temper. Don't compare him to his Dad.

Answer 3

Find another therapist. Actually, find a psychiatrist for him and maybe one for you too. He might have a chemical imbalance and need medication. Honestly, you need to take a stand and not have ever put up with that behavior. He shouldn't think it is appropriate to act that way and you shouldn't let him. Stand up and be the parent and quit feeling sorry for the both of you.

Teach him to be better than his father, that the two of you are strong enough to do it on your own. Don't try to be his friend, be his mother, and don't let him get away with these temper tantrum pity parties. He's better than that.

Answer 4

I went through this several years ago with my son too, I would never be ashamed to ask for help to save your child no matter what people say, Take him to get Anger Management classed and stay with him if they let you also take him to counseling as a family and individual meetings. That way he has a place to vent and so don't you, then you can know what is really troubling him. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, I've been a single mother since i was 20 and now i'm 42 with 3 sons. I had many of people telling me not to do this or that but i refuse to listen i knew i had to do something try to help him as well as myself, because if we don't try to save our children who will????
Feel free to ask god to help you don't give up... I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 5

get some parent training to over come the faulty and inadequate parenting he has been receiving so far. IMO, some kinds of counseling may not help and can even make things worse.

re: heredity. I think that's a CROCK! anger management has to start early and be effective which seems not have happened for your son.
I'd guess his outbursts are his child's method of telling you and everyone how ANGRY he is that dad left or whatever he's deeply angry about. blame it on heredity if you must but it's all about training and upbringing which is the parent's responsibility.
go here: http://www.innerself.com/Parenting/index.shtml

when he's older, he can undertake the grim task of undoing the ineffective parenting he received as a child if he's unhappy with him self.

Answer 6

discipline the kid. Why are you open about his father leaving? Maybe you should keep that to yourself, don't remind him that his father left him. Kids are ok not thinking about things, it doesn't do any good to bring up the past, if his father is out of his life, let the boy forget, obviously your ex-husband has. Don't let him get away with one outburst of anger. Sometimes the easiest way to teach a child is to show them what they are doing. Get angry with him, yell if you have to. Its ok. I know no one will take this advice and i'll here no end of criticism, but kids aren't that fragile, counseling isn't gonna help, anger managment isn't gonna help. That stuff is all ridiculous just discipline your kid. Be strict, make him hate you.

Answer 7

I have the same type of daughter, and I think their anger is the only way they're getting through how hurt they are. I think all the anger is a substitute for tears. I know how hard it is to be patient. Mom, you are the closest person he has. He knows he can lash out and he's safe with you. Try to award the good behavior and ignore the bad as much as possible, unless he's hurting himself or someone else. Good luck.

Answer 8

I agree with all of the above who have recommended getting help and keep at it..whether genetic or environmental the kid is subject to both of those. Don't wait...it will only get worse when he hits puberty and then you'll know what real problems are.
Keep trying and don't give up, ever, and don't be afraid to be adamant with the doctors. They see a lot of stuff and you need to convince them you mean business. Been there. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'd suggest taking him to a therapist that specializes in working with children. Many therapists do not do a lot of work with children...working with kids is much different than working with adults, and it's important to find someone with experience.
Also, make sure that the therapist works with YOU as well as your son...it's important that you're taught how to work with him and learn the right techniques to help ease away his temper.
This sounds like a very hard situation, and one that most likely can't be handled on your own. Get help from a professional, one that knows about working with children, and make sure you're involved in the therapeutic process.

Answer 10

Try taking him to your family doctor. Maybe some medication and some more counseling would help. I know that my dad took anger managment, and he still takes medication to cope with his temper. Maybe that would help your son. Try joining a support group for him and/or yourself. That could be helpful as well.