I Don't think I want kids, what would be some good reasons to have kids and what would be bad reasons to?

Question

have them? My fiancee says he doesn't care as long as he has me,but the other day I remarked to him that I was babysitting for a friend and he said, oh good! She can babysit for us and I thought, excuse me? But I started thinking about it more.

Answer 1

You need to sit him down and find out what he really wants. If he seriously wants kids, then he may end up resenting you later on for not providing him with any. Myself, I don't want kids. I can't give you any reason why, I just don't. I have never felt that motherly urge, I don't feel a connection with children, and I can't see myself with any. Luckily, my boyfriend feels very strongly about not wanting children as well. In this instance, you both really need to agree.

Answer 2

I use to think that I didn't but then about 10 years after we were
married We decided to and now at 32 I have a 2 year old little girl!
She is my whole world! However she is my whole!!!! world.
Having kids is a sacrifice. If you don't want them, please don't
have them. You will just end up miserable and so will your kids.
It is not easy. It is tough. Especially the first 4 months! You have to
plan ahead. Everything costs money! You have no time to yourself
anymore. That child comes first. However it is rewarding more
than you could ever imagine! The feeling you get inside when you
hear mom and dad. I love playing with them and their toys. It
takes you back to when you were a kid. However, it gets old after
awhile! They can bore you from time to time. The same show
over and over. No adult tv or music, or at least not as often.
I cried alot in the beginning. I felt overwhelmed. You need a good
support system and a good husband! One that will share all the
chores 50/50! I lucked out. Some people I know did not and it's
not pretty! Every thing takes more effort. Going to any store, etc.
Remember they are with you 24/7! I don't want to scare you but
this is reality. However, now she is almost 2 and 1/2. We take
turns doing things with are friends while the other watches and
its alot easier to take her places. We get babysitters and go out
once in a great while by ourselves and look stupid. She is a little
me and she makes me laugh every day! We laugh alot together!
I love to watch her sleep and we cuddle and watch tv sometimes.
She is watching more adult tv shows now so or playing on her
own while we watch a while. We get out now and go to the park,
zoo, library,fairs, etc. So things are getting better and she is
only nearly 2 1/2. We play computer games on the internet all
the time together and we have fun makeing fun of daddy.(In a
nice way) Money is better now. We have most of what we need.
We've adjusted to sticker shocks and all the things we now need.
We now visit Toys-R-US and christmas is a blast! Just give it
time. Part of me was scared at first but the hardest thing was
the unknown. The second child will be a breeze! If you know that
the tough times won't last forever, and that as they get older
things will balance out, you can survive anything. Are they worth
it? You betcha!!! I would have missed out on one of the greatest
things in my life! Definitely worth it! You just have to give up some
things in your life temporarily. If you can do it great but if you can't
don't have kids. You will just end up regretting it and blameing them
for your unhappiness! Good Luck in what ever you decide.
But Remember it is your decision! Don't let anyone convince you
that one way or the other is wrong! There is no right or wrong
answer.

Answer 3

What's good about having kids is that you will have a little peace of you and your husband all in a little cute child. Also because you will be able to teach and see something you made grow up and you can hear your child say it's first words and knowing that you have another person that loves you back. A child is a miracle and you at least know that there is someone who can carry on the family name. Now a bad reason to have kids is that....that...when they grow up you won't be able to let them go and become an adult because you will find your self worried for them. Plus when you find your self giving birth to your child you will be in pain. That's all I can think of.
Good Luck on making you decision!!
Ciao~

P.S: I recommend you have kids, but if you don't want to then don't push it.

Answer 4

There are plenty of reasons both good and bad to have kids, and I think you already know most of them.

What you need to know is what is in your heart.

I never wanted kids.

None of the three men that asked me to marry them (before I said yes to number 4, my husband) made me want to have kids with them.

They were nice guys (VERY nice guys), but I just did not feel the need to have children.
This is probably why I never did end up married to any of them.

When I met my husband, I could not even think about not having children with him.
No, it was not a biological clock ticking.
I love him so much that I could not even imagine not expanding on that love.

I had been so adamant for so many years that my family and friends are still in shock (my kids are 11 & 8).

My question is - maybe you should re-think the marrying thing.
Your fiancee may say he does not care now as long as he has you, time will change that.
He will begin to resent that you "don't love him enough to want to have his children".
Or worse yet - he will talk you into giving it "the vegetable try".
"How do you know you don't want kids if you don't even have one."
I have a friend going through a very messy divorce right now because of that.
The kids (that he wanted) are the ones stuck in the middle.
Don't get me wrong, she loves them very much but it is the kids that do the suffering because mom and dad split up.
They split up because, if your feelings are not taken seriously about kids, they are not taken as serioulsy about other things as time goes by and the bloom of first love fades.

I also need to add that I am glad that I waited and did not have kids just to please him.
I needed every bit of patience I learned up to that point.
If I had not waited I am sure that I would not have been a good parent.

Answer 5

You might not want to judge having kids based on someone else's. Talk to your fiancee and think it through. Personally I think some people might not be cut out for it but only the both of you can make that decision. I use to think people who didn't ever have children were selfish but that is not true.

Answer 6

it is not a undesirable reason in any respect! some ppl could think of you're egocentric for that, regardless of if it is not in any respect. ALL little ones want and crave love. And ninety 9% of females, want little ones, so as that as quickly as they're husbands are assholes to them, a minimum of in the tip somebody appreciates and loves them.

Answer 7

I'm the same way, I don't want kids either. But I guess the good reason for those who want kids is because they want a family and they want to raise a family, they want to keep the name and generation going.


The bad reason to have kids is to try to trap someone into marrying.

Answer 8

Pros of having children: having a child is a miracle, it's a part of you and your fiance. A child can really bring your family together, your values and priorities will change. You will never grow old alone...your kids will care for you in your old age (at least I hope they do!!!).

Pros of not having children: more money to spend on yourself, a little more "freedom" and less responsibility.

Answer 9

well if u don't want to have a kid talk to him about adopting of or if u just don't want one at all then tell him u just aren't ready to havea kid or dn't want one right now !! good luck

Answer 10

have kids if you love 'em and are willing to learn how to raise 'em.
don't have kids if you either think you know it all or are to lazy/stupid to learn how to raise 'em.