this is a very serious question, PLEASE HELP!?

Question

My son had some friends over this afternoon, 3 boys. The youngest 3, the middle 6 and the oldest is around 9 i think. Well they have been over before but the last time they all got into trouble for playing with gas, I told their mom and we talked to them about how dangerous it was and to never do it again. Well today the same boys came over and they were playing for a while outside and then came in and went downstairs. (Don't think I mentioned, my oldest son is 6.) I was upstairs with my 11 month old feeding him supper, never really thought about checking on the older boys. Well it got really quite so I went downstairs to make sure they were ok. The oldest friend was sitting on the couch and i asked him were all the younger boys were and was like i don't know, well the bathroom door was shut so i opened it and went it. to my surprise my sons friends the 6 year old and the 3 year old had their pants off and the 6 year old was behind the 3 year old rubbing himself on him. I was in shock.

i talked to them and asked why and what were they thinking and as soon as their mom came i sent them outside to play and told her about it. Neither one of us have any idea where our kids would have picked this up. Our kids are so young and I don't know how to approach this sitiuation. Is it just curiosty on the kids part? What do I do? Please Help, I never thought i would ever have to deal with anything like this, especailly at this age

the kids aren't sexually abused, i know that for a fact. she is my babysitter for my 11 month old, she has 4 boys altogether, she is doing everything on her own because their dad in the army right now.

so basically K G you are saying that i shouldn't let this childern play downstairs in my sons playroom, that they have to sit upstairs with me the entire time they are there, what normal person does that, what normal kid sits where his parents are, they want to be playing. my question was not asking you to judge my parenting skills so don't go there

Answer 1

Children as young as 10 months start masturbating. Let's face it...it feels good. They do however not know that it is something that should be done alone. Making them feel ashamed of it can cause real damage to their self image and self esteem. You should simply tell your son and who ever else is involved that while touching themselves feels good it should be done in private and by themselves. Its not something that should be shared. A child should feel free to explore his/her own body, and this is the perfect time to tell your child and the others that their body is only theirs and no-one else should touch it, and in return they should respect other people's bodies too. Though this is difficult for you as parent to accept, making their sexuality feel normal to them will be a tremendous gift of selfworth you give to them. Good luck, the toughest parts are still to come!!

Answer 2

You can never say you know for a fact that a child isn't abused. I don't care how well you think you know the parent's. (it doesn't have to be the parent's doing it by the way.) If every parent knew when their child was being abused in some way, in any way, they would stop the abuse.....that doens't happen, as you can see by the amount of grown people who carry with them horror stories of being molested as children. Little guys dont' just come up with this stuff. He saw this or had this happen to him somewhere.

Please take this serious as your question indicated. Keep the your children away from these kids and explain it to their mom. From what you said about the kids playing with gasoline the last time they were over I suspect they don't have a lot of supervision at home and I would worry about putting my 11 month old in the care of their mom.

Talk with your pediatrician about it, that might make you feel better.

Answer 3

Before reading all of your responses, I sat around for a while thinking about your situation. Now that I've read your responses, I've found that what I was going to say is already written here. Booribbit's explanation is great and her suggestion on how to handle it is perfect, in my opinion. Little guys do come up with this stuff on their own! It's just nature. I clearly remembering exploring as a child with other children and I never had any negative experience that led me to do so. We're curious children until adults stiffle that curiosity with restrictions imposed on us by society. They weren't doing anything wrong even though it was shocking to you (I'd be shocked too at first) If the 9 year old had been involved, it would have been a whole different story, but he wasn't. Those little boys, I swear. Once they find their penis, there's no getting them away from it. It's a life long obsession! :) You're a great mommy for asking on how to handle this!

Answer 4

I am the mother of a two year old, just to let you know where Im coming from but what the heck were you doing letting these children out of your sight so often? I hate to hurt your feelings but 9 is not old enough to tend to children as young as 3. I think your 1st mistake was leaving the 3 yr old unsupervised. My advice is not to have these children back over until you have some spare time maybe when the 11month old will be away. I dont think youre a bad parent but it does sound like theres too much on your plate with these additional children and only one of you.

Answer 5

I would take them one on one and talk to them about it and yes boys and girls do weird stuff at that age but it doesn't mean anything.They weren't doing that to get sexually aroused but more because they were experimenting.Don't hurt their feelings just let them know that some things are very inappropriate.And no it has nothing to do with your parenting skills and not letting them play down stairs so that their with you the entire time is nuts.Just let them know right from wrong but they do need to here stuff like that.

Answer 6

that is really strange. it almost sounds to me like maybe those kids are sexually abused, either that, or they saw it on tv. i would say dont let your son hang out with them anymore because maybe the other mom does know where they got it and just doesnt want to say. the bottom line is that kids dont just think that up, they HAD to have seen it somewhere.

Answer 7

I as soon as had a buddy who became very nearly me. Once after we have been sitting on the fringe of a swimming pool, she stuffed the palm of her hand with a few water and held it earlier than me and mentioned this: "You see this water cautiously contained in my hand?" It symbolizes love. "This is how I noticed it. As lengthy as you preserve your hand caringly open and enable it to stay there, it's going to be there. However for those who try to near your arms round it, it's going to spill via the primary cracks it reveals." This is the finest ppl do after they meet love. Try to own it, count on it, call for it, and it simply spills just like the water out of your hand. If there are persons you like, enable them to be loose beings. Give and do not count on. Advice however do not order. Ask, however under no circumstances call for. It would sound functional however this is a lesson that can take an entire life to real train. It is the name of the game of real love. To real Practice it , you need to without a doubt suppose no expectancies from the ones you like, and but an unconditional being concerned" Life is lovely, are living it. If you like some thing, permit it pass. If it comes again to you, with out you having to plead or beg, then its yours eternally. If it does not then it was once under no circumstances intended to be"