I know this is going to sound confusing, but bear with me. My husband has a daughter who was adopted by his mom and step-dad who is seven. The thing is he doesn't actually know she is actually his or his best friend's. Everyone knows this except of course except his daughter. My daughter who is eight asked me if my husband is really the seven year old's dad. My husband and I are very honest with our children who live with us. I told her, hindsight, I realize that I shouldn't have. I told her that it wasn't her place to tell her and that in time she will be told by her adoptive parents. Well that went out the window. She told her anyway. What should I do? She hasn't done anything like this before.
2006-08-04 15:44:41 · 12 answers · asked by Aumatra 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
i would defanitly get a paternity test done to know for sure. and then i'd have a family chat in accordance to the results. if it's nothis, "you know we all love you and you are a part of this family, and when you're older we will support you in helping you find your real parents" (or something like it)....if it really is his "we had a little misunderstanding and we are sorry if we confused either one of you. we love you both the same..." as for her not doing this in the past...what child at some point hasn't told a sibling they were adopted or an alien (or my case i came from the mail man). just kids stuff. she probably had not intended to spill the secret but it was ammo if she was mad for any reason.
2006-08-04 16:39:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I have to be honest, there is nothing you should "do" to your daughter who spilled the beans. Do you realize that 8 year olds can not keep secrets? And they certainly should not be expected to keep a secret of this magnitude. She can't even comprehend half of what you told her anyway. Why would you trust such information with a child? Did you truly think she'd be able to keep it to herself? It wasn't fair to your daughter, or the 7 year old for you to spill the beans in the first place. You've put them both in terrible positions.
I find it "odd" that your husband's Mom and Step-Dad adopted a child that they aren't even sure is actually their Grandchild. I do think it's great that they opened their hearts and home to this little girl though, and I'm sure they love her dearly, and still will; whether or not she is biologically family. But I do think the time has now come to have that paternity test. Since the worm has been let out of the can, you might as well all know the truth. Good luck! I wish your family the best.
2006-08-05 03:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by Marie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is why secrets, even the "for the best interest" kind are not a good thing.... sit everyone down and discuss it openly, but gently, since everyone involved is so young. i'm sure the poor lil thing will be hit pretty hard by the cold, hard truth. why was a paternity test never taken in the first place? even if the adopton took place, if the grandparents were willing to take over, why not go ahead w/ the testing so there would be a real solid ground for when the questions started to arise?
2006-08-05 06:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are quite the little stir-fry aren't you?
first you owe a BIG apology to everyone beginning with your husband and following with his parents and then you owe a sincere apology to the two children that you so disastrously and thoughtlessly hurt.
Then you should keep your selfish snooty nose out of it while those involved try to fix your total F' up.
And don't expect to be made privy to any further confidences by anyone, you simply don't deserve trust.
Another thing .. Quit putting a guilt trip on your daughter for your own daft gaff. This is YOUR fault not hers.
sheesh!
2006-08-05 07:22:44 · answer #4 · answered by PlayTOE- 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why hasn't DNA testing been done to determine who the bio father of this child is? What should you do? What you shouldn't have done is open your mouth it was not your place. But since you did there really isn't much you can do now. I feel sorry for this little girl who's family hasn't taken HER into consideration at all.
2006-08-05 03:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should really have discussion with her about when to run your mouth and when to keep it shut! But you really can not blame her, at 8 she is really not quite old enough to grasp the fact that she was told something that she should not have been told.
You really should have just told her that grandma and grandpa (adoptive parents) were her parents, and closed the discussion!
2006-08-04 22:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by suequek 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it's time to sit down and have a family chat. Also, I think it would be worthwhile to have a paternity test, even if your in-laws have adopted her.
2006-08-04 22:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by seattlecutiepie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u shouldn't have told ur daughter that. now it may be a confusing between ur husband and u. and even cause problems between the two girls.
2006-08-04 22:51:26 · answer #8 · answered by hotgurl 04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you husband needs to tell the girl the truth...even though she might not understand completely ....ive been through a somewhat similar situation when i was little...then once he tells her you need to have them get tested to know once and for all
2006-08-04 22:50:40 · answer #9 · answered by durb1215 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too late now to take it back, prepare yourself for the fall out and next time if in doubt DON"T TALK
2006-08-05 00:59:39 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋