What does it mean when someone says something hurtful and then says "I didn't mean it"?

Question

My mother often says hurtful things to me and then when I ask her if she meant it, she says she didn't. I want to know the exact significance of saying "I didn't meant it"...please help me. Any answers to this question will be greatly appraciated. Thankyou.

My mother often says hurtful things to me and then when I ask her if she meant it, she says she didn't. What is the significance of saying "I didn't mean it"? Please help me. Any answers will be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

Answer 1

People say things out of anger that they don't mean I have plenty of times. But usually their the ones that say they didn't mean it you shouldn't have to ask. She may just be saying she didn't mean it to make you feel better or to make her self feel better or so she don't get in trouble for mentally abusing you. I would talk to your guidance councilor at school about it or someone you trust.

Answer 2

What's Up! Sweetheart,

Mom is saying things out of anger and that's all it really is.
When people say hurtful things when they are upset its usually because they don't know how to express themselves. The angrier they get, the more hurtful they say will get. Keep in mind that the things they say are not intended to really hurt you and often has no real value. They are like relief valves, when mom is upset/hurt she strikes back by saying things she thinks is equally hurtful. Once she feels she has gotten "even" she will calm down. Once calm she will realize that she went over board and her first response is "I didn't mean it". (I'm sure she doesn't).

This doesn't make it right, but if you can understand the cause you can be better prepared to help her deal with it.

I had the same problem, It comes from things that happened to me in my childhood. I got help through "Anger Management Classes. Your family's Doctor or Pastor can give some references. Good Luck!

Answer 3

If one doesn't mean it then one usually doesn't say it in the first place. That answer is maybe acceptable if once in a blue moon and perhaps when emotionally upset fo sometimes we all may say something without thought and then regret as soon as out of our mouth. BUT you say she does this a lot-"often"- so the once in a blue moon theoy does NOT apply here and I believe she says to hurt and is very awaare of what she is saying and the purpose is to hurt you. She says she doesn't mean it to avoid having you hold her responsible for her words but then since you ask her , you are already giving her a way out. Adultsshould be, everyone that's reached the age of reason-approx 4-5 years of age, should be held accountable for wahat they say and have consequences not only for what they say but the intention bhind saying it. I din't mean it is a easy way out for your mother-she can hurt you but not have to deal with a negative reaction from her. Do not accept this , foe her being your mother her job,her responsibility is to make you feel good about yourself and not hurt you. She is failing that part of her job and you should tell her exactly how she makes you feel for if you don't why should she stop. You shouldn't tolerate anyone verbally abusing you,for that's what it is, esp. your mother If this is affecting you negatively,school,friends, relationships and so on then tell a school counselor who may talk to your mother. She would benefit from counselingperhaps you can take counseling together. But do not allow her to verbally abuse you anymore.

Answer 4

I believe your mom didn't mean to hurt you, her precious child. She could have been stressed or what to say things that were hurtful but unintentional. All of us are not born good communicators. We're constantly learning & minimizing the hurt & misunderstanding wherever possible, especially with loved ones. Because the closer the person is to you, the more hurt you'll get.

Try telling her something like that... "Mom, are you troubled? I know you didn't mean what you say. You didn't want to hurt me. But I'm hurt time & time again. I hope you'll not say such words/things anymore. I love you, Mom. I hope you understand" Give her a big hug, if appropriate.

Love your mom.

Answer 5

i think people tend to say hurtful things when they are at a total loss for words. when people are angry or sad they just lash out and say whatever comes to mind. then there are others who think they are superior and can talk down to people. once they realize how much their harshess has hurt someone, they try to save face by apologizing and saying they didn't mean it. when it comes to relatives, i think they assume we will always forgive them (take things for granted). it is possible they really believe that we will never take their hurtful words to heart, because we already know they "love" us and supposedly love is superior over hate.

i truly believe that people need to learn how to listen. listening is a skill that a lot of people lack, unfortunately. for example, say there are two people talking (a male and a female). the female disagrees on what the male is saying. she decides to cut him off and starts pushing her views on him. as she does that, she has no idea if it is offensive or truly hurting his feelings. somewhere down the road he admits he is hurt and she then says, "i didn't mean it, i am sorry".

she could have let him finish talking and after listening and comprehending everything he said... gave her point of view (it would have shown some respect - listening skills). i guess this is an example of the female feeling superior. she believes only her point of view matters. but if she really had the skill of listening down, she would have been able to converse with this guy while being level headed. she would be smart enough to stop for a moment, put herself in his shoes and thought about what she really wanted to say, instead of saying something hurtful to shut him up.

unfortunately, it happens quite often. people forget that we are humans and we all have feelings; that we need to show and be treated with respect. i think society plays a big role in how we react to others as well. there is such a feeling of needing to be better than your neighbor, needing to be more successful and have power trips. it's sad.

Answer 6

Some people really have a problem not thinking about what they say before they blurt it out. 99% of the time it is what they were thinking and by stating that "they didn't mean it" they are trying to dismiss what was just said as a joke or whatever. Next time she says something mean, ignore it, don't play into it, and that will bug her more than giving mention to an ignorant statement! Mean people SUCK!

Answer 7

If when she says these thing she's under the influence of alcohol then she really does mean it. And if she doesn't drink and says these thing the you mother doesn't know how to voice her opinion with out saying negative things. Either way it not right and she needs some kind of help and therapy.

Answer 8

it means that that didnt want it to come out the way it did. they didnt mean to hurt u by it. maybe your mother is under some stress right now. She might take it out on the first person she see's or does the tinest something that you do. But you should talk to her about it and tell her how you feel so this wont cause alot of misunderstanding later on.

Answer 9

Far from being a relationship counsellor, i think that when someone says something hurtful and then excuses themselves for it, they not only lack tact but also empathy.

When someone says "I didn't mean it", they are often trying to convince themselves that they really didn't...and consequently make themselves feel better.

Its hurtful twice.

Stop asking her if she means it - instead re-state what she says and then say something that points the conversation right back at them.

For example -

"you're fat!"
"i'm fat? does it make you feel better to be mean to me?"

Look someone in the eye when you say this... try it... its pretty intimidating - you'll disarm someone, and hopefully make them think about what they are saying.

Answer 10

After she says hurtful things, she probably realizes how what she said ir horrible and covers it by saying she didn't mean it. Maybe in the moment she spouts out things without thinking, but regrets it later because she really doesn't want to hurt her child.