Need opinion about 15 yr old daughter?

Question

I have a 15 yr old daughter who is very smart, somewhat active plays softball in the high school band plays bass guitar and percussion. Seems to be a good gir. Problem is she is so backwards. She doesn't like to talk on the phone, stay with friends, have friends over, hang out with friends, or any interest in boys. She loves music, dresses goth somewhat, but doesn't wear makeup or cares how she looks most of the time. I have tried all I know at times banging my head against the wall. I had to force her to take drivers ed and to practice driving. She seems content on just being at home with us and not going to have fun and enjoy herself as a teenager. She is pretty and would be so much more if she would take an interest in herself...I don't push too hard I don't want to make her feel bad...but do you think it is depression or just too shy or what?? I was shy at that age but I was into boys and friends and all the normal stuff....help!!!! Thanks!

I don't expect her to be like me and I don't expect her to be slutty or dress different I am just a concerned parent that is afraid her daughter is depressed. I am not a mean mom she and I have a great relationship and talk a lot. She hugs and kisses me everynight before bed, tells me she loves me and that I am the best mom ever....So those of you that want to say I have a problem?? No just concered!

Guess I opened up a can on myself huh?

Answer 1

I have a 15 yr old boy and he is very much like the way you describe your daughter. I also teach high school and I have noted that the whole sophomore year of the 1991 births are very content with being alone, although they do enjoy other's company. Most are really artistic, but I teach electives, so I am around the artsy kids.

I have a 17 yr old son and a 21 yr old son as well. The oldest moved out at 18 and the 17 yr old can't wait to get out of the house when he graduates. The 15 yr old and I have an exceptionally good relationship, but I have told him I wish he'd get out more. All my boys are on the computer alot and have cell phone packages which I purchased text message packages for as well. It's a different generation than ours.

If she is online ask who she speaks too. I ask my sons. It's important to talk with your daughter. And, trust but make sure she knows she can always come to you.

I also have good (teacher student) relationships with my students (I teach electives) they know my sons because I bring him to various activities with me.

Like I said, it must be their year because they are all pretty much alike. Funny thing is that the 1988 year is outrageously out there for the most part. Maybe there is something to the Chinese beliefs (the year of the dragon, 1988. the year of the sheep,1991.)

Answer 2

Okay, about the not liking boys part, she's you're daughter. Did you tell your parents about all the crushes that you had?
If she does have friends, that's good. But maybe she's not spending time with others because she feels that they don't really like her. Have any of them called to ask her to do something? That might be the problem, is that she's waiting for them to call. Teach her that to make a friend, she needs to be a friend. That means she needs to pick up the phone and dial their number.
If all else fails, go to a counselor. Try to make it a group thing, and go in there with her so she won't be alone. But let her know that if she wants to talk to the counselor alone, without you around to hear what she has to say, then that option should be open.

Answer 3

Why not ask her why she doesn't want to do these things? Talk to her and see what she says. You said that she loves music and she is content to stay home. Theres a difference at being content than being depressed. I would talk to her and ask her...and if she says that all is fine, then accept that she is telling the truth. Communication is the best medicine...and if she is depressed, ask her 'why'. You said that she is in the school band and plays bass guitar and percussion, thats great! Maybe she would like to also write short stories or poems...she just might surprise you and have a real desire for the arts. Help her to develop her interests and don't worry that she's not like everyone else...your daughter is an individual...let her develop and grow at her own pace. But, first for peace of mind...talk to her.

Answer 4

I'm 25 & that sounds like me! lol (not the goth clothes, but the rest does). I do not wear make-up, I only had male friends (but not interested in dating any), I hate talking on the phone, I don't like having people over, I don't even own a purse!

I think she may be shy or maybe she just doesn't get along with kids at school. I was the only white kid in all of my classes in highschool, & I just didn't find anyone to hang out with from school. I made good grades & everything that goes with it, it was just the kids seemed to be too immuture for me. Most of my friends were about 3 years older than me (& male fo some reason). I have not had a female friend since I was about 10 years old. Sometimes now, I wish I did have a female friend during highschool, but it was my decision.

Sorry for my long answer, but she maybe just going through a stage in her life that she feels different than the other kids do & the boys at school are too immuture for her (since she is smart too). I wish I ad a mom like you because my mom would not let any of my friends come over (even when I was like 5 & had female friends). So, if you are that worried, maybe ask the person she talks to the most (her aunt, her 1 friend, whoever) & have them ask her why. You know that a teenage daughter does not want to talk to her mother about these issues at that age. Because my mother would ask blunt questions to me & I will not tell her anything of what is going on in my life now. So be carful.

Answer 5

I have a daughter that displayed some of the same tendencies. She liked her own space, her room, her own things, didn't date or associate with friends. She had her first date at 16 and then didn't date till after high school. She had music interest, liked sports and animals. She was well disciplined and not a problem child. She is now 30 years old with a PHD. Just give your daughter her space and be involved in her life as much as possible. Get her out of her room and try to be her best friend. She will come around in her time.

Answer 6

I don't think you have to worry about depression. If it were then she wouldn't be interested in anything. She could just be shy and maybe she likes to be alone. Given how most teenagers are nowadays this doesn't sound like a bad thing. Be happy that she likes to spend time with you. Most teens don't like being around their parents and think that parents don't understand them and are jerks. Just let her be and enjoy her just as she is. She'll be grown and gone soon enough. I was the same way when I was a teen (except for the goth part). I would rather be with adults than with people my own age. I never felt comfortable around them because I thought they were childish. I didn't suffer the normal teen angst. Don't worry so much. At least you know where she is and you know she's not doing drugs or running the risk of getting pregnant.

Answer 7

Some kids are just naturally introverts. I was the same way at her age. 4 years later I had more than a dozen friends, a boyfriend and was going clubbing and hanging out with friends on a fairly regualy basis. She just needs time to get to that point. If you want to encourage her to spend time with others (which is probably a good idea) focus on encouraging the hobbies that force her to intereact with others. You said she's in the school band and plays softball, so encourge these activities instead of encouraging her to do things she's shown no interest in. And be glad that you have a daughter who's so wonderful on so many levels. Just give her the time to grow.

Answer 8

Let her go her own way on this. She's not going in the wrong direction, so why worry. If she doesn't develop an interest in boys and makeup until college, she will frankly be the better for it. Maybe she doesn't like to spend time with girls her age because they are giggling, make-upping fools and she feels that she is more mature than that.

She HAS interests outside the home (softball, music) so I don't think she is depressed.

Ask her why she isn't more interested in hanging out with kids her age. Do it in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way adn you are more likely to get a non-defensive response. She might have a good reason...

Answer 9

some kids blossom onto the social scene later than others. With all the kids out there that are more concerned about their looks and image than their family and how they treat them, I would not be too worried aobut your daughter. At least oyu kinow where she is at night.
Is she respectful to her family members? If so, and she is doing well in school and has some extracurricular interests then I would not be too concerned. As far as her appearance, as long as hse does not dress like a slob or has poor hygiene habits, leave her be. She sounds lie a wonderful young lady and her personality is not geared towards having to be popular and accepted by everyone at school- she is probably very intelligent and deeper than you give her credit. Continuing to push her into a mold or worrying about "normal" (actually flaky) teenage behavior when she is not a problem child will be the cause of depression and rebellion if you don't let her be who she is.

Answer 10

Maybe she's even smarter than you think, and she sees a world that is coming apart, people with college degrees who are bozos on the news, and the boys are just plain useless these days. I know a lot of younger women who date guys that are 20 or more years older because they can't stand their generation.
Maybe she doesn''t like PeeeeeeeeePullll like you do. It isn't a sin. She's also probably self-conscious about almost everything because all of the advertising makes it seem that she's supposed to become some perfect idol for the world when she is 'released' from high school.
Your attitude "she is so backwards" is totally screwed. She is a person. If you can't open your mind to find out who she is, it's no wonder she isn't who you think she should be. You need counseling.