I'm not getting married for another year yet, and i love my girlfriend to bits, but when she has had a few drinks she just not a nice person (75% of the time). We've been together 4 years and i've only realised properly that any time we really fall out is when she drinks. I have made her aware of this but it still hasn't changed her attitude after a few drink. what should I do?
2006-08-04 15:06:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
But she very rarley drinks anymore(3-4 times a year)
2006-08-04 15:29:39 · update #1
you two should go to couples therapy before you walk the aisle.....you would want to have that straighten out before you get married because onve you are married it could get worse.
2006-08-04 15:10:50 · answer #1 · answered by nawnndawn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like you are using this as an excuse. She only drinks 3-4 times a year and doesn't handle her liquor in a nice way. I'm sure there are 3-4 times a year when you are a jerk to her. Anyway, there's alternatives to drinking - if it's an anniversary or something like that, don't get drunk and just enjoy each other soberly. Are you afraid she'll get drunk at the reception and have a meltdown? Do you not drink at all?
I can only think you are a non-drinker to be bothered by her drinking 3-4 times a year, so maybe you should evaluate if it's how she acts that bothers you or if it's the fact that she drinks.
No matter what, it seems to me like you have misgivings in general about this girl, and if you're considering not marrying her because of it, you need to bring it up again. It's a very serious matter if it's something that will keep you from marriage. I hope she'll take it seriously.
2006-08-05 17:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How often does she drink? You're going to have to set clear boundaries on this one- that drinking problem could get out of hand, and if it's already this bad, getting married may be a mistake. It costs more to get out than it does to get in. Love is an important thing, but sometimes it's not enough. Other factors have to be there to make a marriage work. Love isn't going to fix the alcohol problem.
2006-08-04 22:26:22 · answer #3 · answered by ?princesshousewife? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are asking this question means that you have doubts about her which is not a good basis for thoughts of marriage. A marriage is only as good as its weakest link. She needs more than just a "bandaid" to fix her drinking problem. If she really wants to marry you, she'll do what it takes to stop drinking. There is a right and wrong time to get married. If you have to ask strangers if she's right for you--then she's not. Sorry.
2006-08-05 00:59:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are different than their normal selves when influenced by alcohol or drugs. If it's seriously something you can't deal with you need to have a conversation with her about it. Tell her that you aren't sure that her drinking can be a part of your future. Suggest therapy. If this is the only thing that bothers you about her, and it is something that you're willing to live with then maybe suggest she only drinks when she's with her friends. Or you could give her a dose of her own medicine and be rude right back to her. Maybe then she'd realize her behaviour is harmful to your relationship..
2006-08-05 00:28:26 · answer #5 · answered by babydoll_tjh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you are questioning, it shows that you are a thinking person. But there's such a thing as too much thinking. Just do the math. Add up the good and bad things you know about her and then add 10 points to the "bad" list for the things you won't learn until after you're married. Look at the totals and do the right thing, the thing that's right for you.
2006-08-04 22:23:14 · answer #6 · answered by canucklehead1951 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she needs counseling and you both need couples counseling. My fiance and I are starting counceling soon (I'm in counseling myself) and I feel it will work for us. Though, I think you're not ready to marry her. It's a good thing you have over a year. YOu really need to address this issue. Good Luck.
2006-08-05 00:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by glamr216 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she cant control her liquor is what it means and the fact that she wont stop is because she dont want to. i was in that same situation with my daughters father only he beat on me on top of it. so if u dont like it, like u said, and u have told her how she acts, and she still wont change i suggest u get out of that scenario ASAP!
2006-08-08 20:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by mom of 2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your asking this question so there is definitely something very wrong and if you were still in love with her you wouldn't be questioning it. sounds like she has a drinking problem.
2006-08-04 22:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact that you have to ask this question tells me that you are not ready to marry her. Thats not to say that you guys wont work it out, but currently i would have to say wait....
2006-08-04 22:23:41 · answer #10 · answered by gddssdragonfly1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋