Thoughts or suggestions on this in-law situation?

Question

4 1/2 months ago we got a nice suprise and found out we are pregnant with our 2nd. child. My in-laws have being trouble from the time my son was born. Mom-in-law left our son, Jason outside in his stroller outside a store when he was 6 weeks old. And she told me that she didn't feel the need to bring him in. It was to much trouble. From that moment on we don't allow her to be alone with our son at all. ( He will be 3 on the 17th) When we found out that we were prenant with our 2nd she told me point blank to get an abortion and called the next week to see if we "got rid of it!" Now she wants to come up for my son's 3rd b'day. And mom & dad-in-law want to have him by themselves the next day. I feel that they don't deserve it.

What are your thoughts??? Should I just allow them to do what they want as grandparents? Or should I just tell them that they are welcomed to come up but, they will not be allowed to be "alone" with any of our kids again.
what would you do?

Answer 1

I would be straight up with them and tell them how you feel about the way they treat you and your child... I would let them see your kid but I would not leave him alone with them...

Answer 2

Honestly u should not let them see your kids ever! They deserve grandparents that will be there for them, not there to hurt them. If my mom-in-law ever left my 6 week old son outside of a store because she didn't feel the need to take him inside with her, u better kno that that would be her first and last strike and she would never see him again. U shouldn't let somebody like that influence your child, it's just not right, and then she told u to get an abortion with your second child, now that would really be the last straw, it's like she don't even care about your children at all, but it's ur decision, u make the calls. I just hope u make the right one for your familia.

Answer 3

You need to tell them about how serious this is. She has no right to tell you guys to get an abortion. Further more, if someone told me that, I would cut contact with them. Still, though, I guess that you probably can't do that.

If she wants to come down to see your son, let her, but set up some ground rules. Don't let your son out of your site when she is around. Tell her about how angry you were when you found out about what she did. Sit her down and make her realize that, even though she is the Grandma, she has no right to say any of that stuff about abortion when it isn't her child in the first place. She is being rude and inconsiterate of your feelings and thoughts.

If she didn't care enough about a six week-old baby, she obviously won't care any more now. Keep a good eye on her, and have both you AND YOUR WIFE explain the situation.

Good luck, I hope it all works out well.

-Lella^_^

Answer 4

After what she did with your son when he was 6 weeks old would be enough for me to say absolutely not! If she felt that it was "too much trouble" to take him in a store than I would find it to be too much trouble to do anything with him alone. On top of that, her attitude towards the news of you have a 2nd child is horrendous!! That, by no means, is grandparent behavior. She would not be allowed to stay with my children alone at any time.

However, you can't be mean to her either, she is your husband's mother. I would tell her that youshould all do something together. If she refuses, than I would let her know exactly how you feel about leaving him alone with her. It scared you to know that she left him outside a store alone before and she has to build your trust level up again.

I hope this helps, and good luck with this.

Answer 5

You should call your mother-in-law and tell her that you decided to have an abortion, but you cant figure out how to have her 1/4 of the genetics removed from your baby, while keeping the rest. In-laws are a forced relationship that comes with the husband. You are going to have it out with this woman someday and it might as well be now. Stop being a doormat, stand up for decent treatment by this woman. She has very, exceptionally poor judgement in what she does and in what she says. No, do not leave the kids with her. She is a child herself, and do you need another child? Make excuses for few infrequent visits, you deserve better.

Answer 6

You should not leave your in-laws alone with your son. Mom-in-law has already shown that she cannot be trusted to take care of her grandson, nor does she want him. She could just leave him somewhere and not care. As for her suggestion that you get rid of your second blessing, don't listen to her, but when you second child is born, neglect to inform her. She doesn't need to know what the baby is or when the baby is born or even the baby's name. I am sure that she would just do something as ignorant as leave her/him somewhere also. Some women have a real problem with being a grandmother and I guess she feels that being a grandma means that she is old, so she will do anything to get rid of the "problem" and as a result she doesn't deserve alone time with any of your blessings. I understand where you are coming from my mother-in-law told me I need to be sterilized after I became pregnant for the 6th time (I lost 3 babies). But to this day she adores all my girls and would never do anything to any of them and loves her alone time with them (my youngest is a grandpa's doll - she constantly cuddles up with him). I wish I could say there will be a time when you could trust her, but I don't think that is going to happen. Good Luck with your new baby.

Answer 7

I wouldn't tell them anything. Spend time with them with your children around and see how the inner-act. Mothers intuition is a powerful thing, if it doesn't feel right then keep them away. But telling your parents they are not allowed could add fuel to a fire, no one wants to be accused of neglecting a child. How did they treat your spouse when he was little? Take it from there, leaving a child in a stroller might have been just an error in judgement, if not then explain what is acceptable behavior towards your children and your reasoning why, if they don't get it or can't respect your wishes, then adios.

Answer 8

I would NEVER allow them the care of my child. Anyone who leaves a six week old child in a stroller outside a store is not responsible, nor caring, nor reliable. I hope to high heaven that you and your husband are together in this.; It'll be tough if you aren't.
I wouldn't tell them they can't be alone with the kids. I'd tell them they're welcome to come up, you appreciate their offer to care for the kids but you have other plans.

Answer 9

The less said the better. Just be calm and firm. You don't feel your son is old enough to be away from you or your husband for that amount of time. Period. You don't need to explain or find excuses, he is your son. Try not to criticize them too much; they are your husband's parents and he loves them even if they have faults. Try to always be the one to keep the peace; however, you are the one who is responsible for your children. Be very nice to his parents, no matter what they do. Eventually they may learn something about child care. Just don't let it be a constant battle.

Answer 10

allow them to come up but dont allow them to be alone w/ your kids. your children's safety is more important than whether or not the in-laws are angry. discuss the situation w/ your husband, and then the both of you should discuss these feelings w/ the in-laws when they arrive for a visit better to do it in person than on the phone, and you want them there for the bday. good luck!

Answer 11

i would not want my child alone with them seeing as their previous skills at taking care of your child for a short trip to the store were so unintelligent. She then tells you to get rid of your unborn child for no reason. No, i am sorry but i would not trust her alone with my child. She can come up for the party, but would not be allowed to take him for a day. You can just make up some appointment for him, if you don't think you can tell her flat out.