help family issue major please help!!!?

Question

ok i am 19 about to be 20 i just graduated everything is to be fine right?? well my life is a living nightmare my dad is a jerk to me he trying to get my whole family against me the only person thats siding with me is my mom and my oldest brother... my dad told me i am his mistake child because he didn't want a daughter he wanted all boys well then he called me a s*** and a b**** in front of his friends one day i moved out i live with my aunt she my best friend well my dad showed up at her house last night and started stuff with me and yeah he telling everyone i slapped him my older brother came over and hit him i didn't even touch him that why he getting my whole family to side with him my 2 brothers and my mom is siding with me on this one what should i do? and don't say call the cops because i can't do that to my dad he is a good person just alittle too demanding... help please!!!!!!! i can't do this anymore seriously!!

Answer 1

Your dad has serious issues. Probably drinking or drugs. I'm so sorry honey that you're going through this. Your best bet is pity. When someone accuses you of outrageous things that you know you had no part in, just be sad and shake your head and remove yourself from the situation every time it arises. Remember, a gentle voice calms the wrath, so don't add fuel to the fire by arguing about it. It's really a waste of times when people are so caught up in their self-centered worlds. When dear ol' dad comes over, just say, gently, "Dad, this is so not like you." (even if it is) And just excuse yourself. If he's violent, leave before he gets there. A friends house or whatever. It sounds like you're already doing this... But, draw your line of respect around yourself and do not let anyone cross it. Ever. Let him say anything he wants, who cares. When family says, "Your dad said such and such and this and that." Just be patient and mellow and under control and say, "Dad has some issues he needs to work out. Thanks for being concerned with me and my family." And change the subject. Good luck, kid. I know how that is... My dad is from Jersey, and them fools be yellin all the time. I hate it.

Answer 2

Damn. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. I have in a way. So I understand. It kinda sounds like your dad is having a hard time letting go of you. Even though his behavior doesn't show that. Just before my son moved out. He was the one being nasty. Subconsciously. I think he was doing this so it would be easier on him when he left. Thinking if we were not getting along that it wouldn't hurt so much.
Your Dad doesn't realize that what he's doing isn't just effecting you. it's tearing the family apart. Your Mom must be torn between you and her husband.The name calling is so disrespectful. If he expects respect from you than he should be giving it in return. I don't have answers. Here we have different services. Maybe you do there. Families in crisis. Check in the front of your phone book.
If there's a chance you can talk to your Dad than do it. It doesn't sound likely. Write him a letter about how you feel but wait until he cools off a little. Good Luck

Answer 3

I think it would be good if you could get a full time job away from your family. I would not tell them where I work,
so that cannot come and start a scene there. I would get my family into counseling if at all possible. I think the way your Father is acting, he is splitting the family up. He sounds more hostile than perhaps you want to admit.
He has issues that need to be addressed by some therapist. My great concern is for your welfare.
I am sure you have been hurt by all the remarks your Dad has made and for now I do not think you would want to be around him until ha has gotten help. .You must think about yourself and your life first. Go and talk to your pastor etc.

Answer 4

You are in trouble here You have got to try to stay out of the family affairs,and talking to them for a while things might calm down.Start thinking about what you are going to do with your life,more school,or getting a job.You might want to get a job in both cases so you have your own money.Is there somewhere out of state you can move or further away so you Father is not all up in your business for now,Is there a drinking problem or drugs involved?I ask because it sounds like the problem is with your Father not You,if you can keep contact at a minimal and get on with your life.

Answer 5

I hope you can first begin to accept and come to grips with the fact that your dad is not a good person, if your story is to be believed and you're not just telling the parts that make you look like a victim. If you are being attacked for no reason and he's really doing that, then you need to first stop defending him and see him as cruel. THEN, you can move from there and start making some sane decisions.

Answer 6

your father sounds like a very sick man. his behavior as you've described it is both verbally and physically abusive. it's good you have a safe place to live that is way from him. you are not to blame for his mental illness. you do have to continue to protect yourself. You should make it clear you want him to stay way from you and if he doesn't get a restraining order. You're family sounds like they are very dysfunctional. is there alcohol or drugs involved? You're an adult you can have a great life find someplace that will offer you some counseling ON a sliding fee scale. many universities have graduate studies who under supervision with a licensed therapist can help you sort this out. You don't have to be his scapegoat anymore. You've survived now aim high and live the great life that you deserve. Reach out for help. you can do it. your future is bright. best wishes...

Answer 7

u need to simply tell your dad that you are an adult now and he needs to back off and stop acting like a child. As far as the name calling tell him that that kind of foul language towards his own daughter makes him sound ignorant. My dad was the same way so i know how your feeling the most important thing is to stand up for yourself and don't let his opinion of u become yours. Family will see the errors of their way if they look closely.

Answer 8

Sounds like drama has you by the hair woman! good lawd! But check it: if the things he says about you aren't true don't sweat it even if they hurt because your father is saying those things. You were obviously woman enough to get out of the house, so do the next thing: ask your aunt to help you get a place of your own and when daddy sees his daughter has truely left the nest, oh how he will pine for his daughter, you watch and see. That's all I got. good luck with it.

Answer 9

You're an adult now. Stop talking to him. Seriously, it's hard, but sometimes, it's the best. I stopped speaking to my Dad when I was 20 because he was an alcoholic and refused to get help.

I'm 23 now, my Dad is in recovery, and things are getting better.

Give it a try.

Answer 10

it's good you left home, you needed to get away from your dad. but what r u going 2 do now? finishing school was great, but you need to continue with educating yourself. no one should put up with abuse. if your aunt allows you to stay with her , that's good , but you need to help her out around the house and go to college and get a part time job. show your dad that you are surviving without him and you don't need to put up with him. forgive him because he doesn;t know how to control himself, but tell your mom that she may not see you alot until things calm down. another thing is , what reason does your dad have to act this way? you know what? just go on with your life, your at the begining, don't waste your time worrying about your dad, he'll be okay, eventually. Leave it up to God to deal with him.