Should I move?

Question

I am in my thirties and my mother has been diagnosed with cancer. Before she was diagnosed, I had planned to move to a bigger city in hopes of finding a mate. I live in a ridiculously small town where almost NO single people reside. I have waited on her "hand and foot" buying her groceries, taking her dog to the vet, sitting for hours on end at the hospital with her. After all of this, she takes me for granted. She tells people how wonderful my siblings are and NEVER mentions me. I love my mother, but this is testing my sanity. Should I move despite the situation?

Answer 1

Where are these wonderful siblings at? Let them take over being slave for a while or let her move in with one of them.
Sounds great doesnt' it!! But really what is it going to cost you in the long run? Will this cause problems in the relationship that you have with your mother or with your siblings? Do you already have a job and place to live set up somewhere else? If you do then I would think that you would have to move. If not, then I would take one day at a time. Look into emplyment elsewhere, if something good comes up then take it. If not, then continue where you are now. Lots of different things have happened in my life, good and bad, and later I see that there was a reason for it.

I would however come right out and ask your mother why she doesn't tell everyone how wonderful you are too. I don't know if your siblings are a distance from your mother but, older parents tend to brag about those that are the farthest. You are a daily part of her life and do daily things for her. Where as the others may have a phone call with some 'exciting news or funny story about the grandkids.

Either way, good luck!!

Answer 2

well I am in my 40's I have a mother and a deceased father yes my mother doesn't have a car. Me and my sister take her every where. She always talks about her son in prison more than us. But never take life for granted. My mother and father divorced when I was 7 years old and because he beat her, She took alot of crap off my father, she tryed to make it work. Yes, I groan when she gets in the car telling me that she wants to go to 1 place and it ends out to be 10. But, just think what she's done for you I could never turn my back on her I say take her with you and live close by another. I moved to Florida she followed. She followed because if she is really a good mother she will be there.

Answer 3

Your Mother has cancer and no one can say for certainty
when she may pass on. Live in the moment with your Mother. You only get one. Stand by her like no other. Mothers are precious regardless of whatever. You stand by her to the end, I will assure you, you will have no regrets for not being there for her. She loves you I am sure, maybe she feels inside you are going to abandon her at the lowest point in her life. Be the good daughter you are and re-assure her you are there to walk with her through this, to the end. Always remind your Mom what a delight she has been in your life and how well she raised you to do all the right things. Without her guidance you would have been lost. Love your Mom to the end. You have one last shot with your Mom, make it memorable.

Answer 4

Hmmm... Don't take small towns for granted. If yah move to a bigger one you won't feel a lot better about it. More cozy in the little places. :)

I would stick it out with your mother. Even though you say she takes you for granted, she's sick and needs the extra help. You shouldn't separate from her completely.

Also, you don't know if your mother NEVER mentions you! She could just not want to make you get a big head. I'm sure she appreciates your help, even if she doesn't admit to it.

Answer 5

How will you feel if you move away, knowing your mom needs help. Will the other siblings pitch in and help then. Will you be wondering the whole time if she is getting the care she needs. Best thing you can do is talk to your mom and tell her how you feel. My mom died of cancer, and I felt about the same as you. So one night my sister finally stayed with mom to give me a break. My sister said mom called for me all night long. I felt so bad. I still cry that I wasnt there when she was calling for me. I realized that mom didnt have to talk me up to my family and her friends cause they all knew I was the one taking care of her. Mom talked my siblings up trying to make herself believe they were there for her too. Do what is best for you, but remember one day your mom will be gone, what you do will determine how you will deal with your lose.

Answer 6

Yes, you should. You deserve to have a life too. Since she feels your siblings are more wonderful than you, let them do things for her. It may wake her up and she may see how she has been towards you. If not, at least you will increase your odds at finding a mate and happiness.

Answer 7

You need to live your own life. Your mom got to live hers, and you shouldn't let the guilt stop you from getting married and everything. I'm not saying to ditch your mom. If she needs care, maybe she could move with you. Have you talked to your siblings? Don't be shy about asking them to help out, she's their mom too.

Answer 8

Yes, you should move. Her codependency is not healthy for her nor you. Sometimes even her illness (the cancer) is created from within in order to keep the focus on herself. Tell her you love her and get on with your life. Keep in touch via telephone and occasional visits.

Answer 9

I fill you. It really aches. But in spite of all, I suggest you stay put for now. Change your motives for helping out; do them for you and not for her. Give it some time and think it through before making a decision.
God bless you for all you've done so far and give you the strength to continue.

Answer 10

awwww...........tell one of your siblings they need to start helping i really don;t know what to say other than you need a life too my mother is'nt like this at all & i have never been in this situation so i don't know what i am doing lol sorry but i do know that you are an awesome person for putting up with everyones ****!!!!