My older brother was a smart guy. Brilliant, actually. He has two advanced degrees and speaks four languages. When he got two DUIs during college and then grad school, we were concerned but didn't think alcohol and drugs would take over his entire life. That was ten years ago. Today, he cannot hold a job and literally cannot function without alcohol in his system. He went through detox last year and went into cardiac arrest. He has been in and out of rehab, and in and out of hospitals. Which is where he ended up late last night, beaten severely with a baseball bat. I could go on forever detailing the ways in which he has destroyed my family's lives. But my question is this: is there ever a point at which you should wash your hands of a relative who doesn't want to save himself?
2006-08-04 10:17:16 · 13 answers · asked by Bunny*Run 4 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
There comes a time when you must protect yourself and live your life. YOU cannot cure, control, or change who your brother is. You are not responsible for him and you are not the cause of his problems. There are some great self-help books like Codependent No ore, and alanon to support the families of alcoholics. It is important to be responsible for yourself and to live your life the way you want to. That doesn't mean never seeing your brother nor does it mean that you love him any less. Sometimes putting a little distance between you can help. The fact that you are asking the question means that it is time to take care of you for a change!
2006-08-04 12:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by petlover 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in this boat too, except with my dad. There comes a time when you have to say you've done all you can do. It sounds like you've been there and more for your brother and I know you love him. But what happens after a while with a lot of people is that they get caught up in the cycle of alcohol abuse and become either co-dependent or an enabler.
If you distance yourself from your brother it doesn't mean that you don't love him. Just tell him you'll be there for him when he's seriously working on his recovery but you can't be caught up in his destructive cycle anymore. It not only hurts him but you too.
Also, look for an al-anon group near you. They're great at helping people who are family or friends of alcoholics. Good luck!
2006-08-04 17:23:52 · answer #2 · answered by mountaingirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have multiple family members that have been alcoholics and drug addicts. It sounds like you and your family have tried a lot!
It may sound selfish but you need to go on with YOUR life. With addicts and alcoholics, the more you try the deeper into the addiction they get.
He could get out of it if he REALLY wanted. He is not going to die if he stops. But the key to it is HE HAS TO WANT TO GET OUT! Until he wants that, nothing is going to happen, no matter what you do.
Sometimes the only thing that wakes these people up is being all by themselves, is the family abandoning them. But thats just SOMETIMES.
For you, this sounds impossible but you just have to make yourself not care anymore. I know you love him but this is the best thing you can do For your self AND for him. THis is the only thing you haven't tried right? You have tried every thing else.... Maybe this will work: Let him go. ANd if it doesn't work at least you tried EVERYTHING!
2006-08-05 03:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by Snow Baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has not hit bottom by now he never will. You have to look deep into your heart and ask if you can continue to stand by his destructive behavior.... if you can't then you have to tell him that it's over, you can't stand there anymore and see him do this to not only himself but to you and your family enough is enough. Only then is it that he may see that he needs more help than just you and family. It's a hard lesson but no one ever said that life was easy. Keep your head up,see if you can find a support group in your area al-anon or maybe aa something to help support you as well. Hope that this may help.
2006-08-04 17:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by datsbigdaddy2u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
alcoholism is a disease and u need 2 want 2 help yourself noboby can do it 4 u my grandfather was an alcoholic 4 years and asked 4 a drink b4 he died if he wont help himself how do u think ur going 2 do it???its a shame when someone wastes so much potential and talent but hes an adult and responsible 4 himself i know how u feel u just got 2 let him get on with it no matter how hard
2006-08-04 17:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by sarah71397 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to here your story, please, please do not give up on your brother. Is he still in denial about his alcoholism ? I am afraid that until he really admits to himself that he is being controlled by alcohol that he won't start his long road to recovery. You need to chose your time to talk to him but whatever you do please don't lecture him. Although he probably wouldn't admit it he needs to know that you are there to help him whenever he may decide to ask.
I hope that he is ok after being beaten last night, try to stay strong for him and just hope that he will soon hit rock bottom, as that will probably be his turning point.
I really wish you, your family and most of all your brother all the best wishes.
2006-08-04 17:31:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that honey,its so hard to deal with a situation like this,it hurts so much but sometimes it comes to a point where the person seriously just has to help themselves,there is only so much you and your family can do.And I know its a killer to let them get their own help but you cant keep stressing over this and exhausting emotional,physical and financial energy into it.Good luck,I hope it all works out.
2006-08-05 02:55:40 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetie1204 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gave my ex 3 yrs. My lawyer said it should have been 6 mos.! So many people come from a family that had at least a "problem drinker", and I finally decided that I wasn't put on this earth to take care of drunk men.
2006-08-04 17:22:16 · answer #8 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you should try to protect yourself from the pain of it but if he has already given up on himself and you do to then where else does he get the helping hand it is an illness I work with these issues everyday and some of them make it and some don't I pray for them anyway and if they ask then we help them again in the best way we can BEST OF LUCK TO YOU and may this ordeal be over soon for all of you
2006-08-04 17:24:32 · answer #9 · answered by standonit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole family needs to get to Al Anon. There you get practical, down to earth, easy to understand rules on what you can do. The family is part of the problem but he's the one who has to do the deed.
2006-08-04 17:28:00 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋