Pregnant and thinking of leaving my boyfriend!!?

Question

I am very confused! I'm 13 weeks pregnant and have had a rocky 2 year relationship with my boyfriend. I was about to move out of state when I found out I was pregnant so we decided to try to work things out. I've been very miserable beacuse we argue way too much and I feel like the love is gone. I want my child to have both parents but at the same time I don't want to stay with him, live a lie and be this miserable either. Besides waiting things out what other options should I consider???

Answer 1

If he is a relatively good guy, but you just cannot get along with him, the best thing to do is LEAVE NOW, but keep him actively involved in the child's life as the father.
It is not fair for the child to be brought into a situation where there is no peace. The child will be happy with a happy daddy and a happy momma. If you're happy apart, the child will still be just as happy. Understand?
In the meantime, try to be either happy on your own or find another man you can be happy with.
This child WILL need his/her daddy. But this child does not need daddy to be living in the same house to be just as happy. As long as you are both involved, loving, and getting along peacefully, that's what matters most.

Answer 2

This is a tough one girl. I have been going through something very similar. I have 3 children. I have been with my bf about 1.5 years and when I found out I was pregnant and told him, he was totally against it. He finally excepted it when he realized that I wasn't going to give the baby up. Now, 2 months later I am 17 weeks. He promissed that we would get married and no actions yet. We have been looking for a house. He is financially secure at 37 years and no children, I think he's scared of giving up his freedom most of all. He does travel a lot and I still have my doubts without a commitment and I do not want to do this alone without a husband. I'm very confused also and have a hard time being happy, some days are better than others. I just try to remind myself that somehow this was ment to be or it would not have happened. Also, I did have an abortion before, and I would never do it again or wish it on my worse enemy. Good luck, I know its hard, try to focus on you and the baby.

Answer 3

Having been in that situation all I can say is 100% follow your gut. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of a child. My biggest issue with my first was that my exhub and I fought all the time he was so insecure and when I would get frustrated I noticed while I was pregnant that when a friend of mines son asked me for something to drink and I was being badgered by my ex my first reaction was to tell the child to stop bugging me. I TOTALY caught myself and realized what all the stress was going to end up doing to my unborn child.

I'll tell you this though to forwarn you. A pregnant woman has a MAJOR tendancy to CRAVE the attention of the father of her child. This of course is case related. But we crave them and can HATE them at the same time. IT's a natural occuring instinct because we are at our most vulnerable. It can be overwhelming at times. So this means that you have to figure out if your relationship was terrible before pregnancy and has only gotten worse then you might want to consider leaving but still realise that you will want him around regardless. It's very hard.

My biggest suggestion is make sure you can financialy care for your child and have a great support group to help you if you don't stay together. Do your best to maintain a POSSITIVE break up if you do end up seperated and try your BEST to be friends no matter what. Because you are forever bonded with this man and are more so for this 9 months than you will be ever in your life and will want his support and understanding.

Talk to him about what is best for both of you and your relationship. If you can get along without being in a relationship then maybe you can do the best and live near eachother (the closer the better without living together and still have your own lives) and share joint custody. If he shows he's a great father just not the right man for you then you can be 100% PROUD of yourself for working hard to give your angel the best of both worlds.

And of course in an ideal world you could always find apartment complexes in the same building, houses near eachother, and always have access and know that you are both able to see the baby and then can share responsibility equaly. Ive known it to happen on very very rare occations.

Do your best remember that you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day for the rest of your life and no one else.

Answer 4

There are no other options to consider..What's done is done. Unfortunately, we often go out and do things that could have waited..for one..sex...
Thus the reason, sex should be put on hold until you are married. Now there's a child involved. If you know the two of you don't get along, the best thing for you to do is put him on child support and go on about your life. You are right, there's absolutely no reason to stay in a relationship where you are not happy and the two of you don't like/love each other.

I wish you the best!

Answer 5

My suggestion is to move on with your life to raise your child. My question is do you want your future child to have a relationship with your ex-boyfriend? So you have to do a lot of soul-searching to do. There are ways for a child to have both parents in their lives without those parents being together. The key is for both of you to be mature enough to work it out in the best interest of the child not in the same house or even state.

Answer 6

Don't stay in a relationship for the reason that you want the baby to have both parents. Take it from someone who knows. That is a big mistake. If you want to work out your relationship, do it, but only because it's for you and your boyfriend. Staying together for the sake of the children is never a good idea.

Answer 7

I think that it is possible to be seperate from the father but still have a loving relationship for the child with both of you involved. I think that you deserve to have a happy life that is fulfilling and not miserable and I believe that the realtionship you are in when the child is here sets an example to that child of what they can expect from relationships in their future

Answer 8

Well my answer to this situation is that just sit down and talk with your boyfriend. If you think the love is gone then its best to break up. But not break up completely, because like you said you want your child to have both parents in its life. If you don't want to be with the father of the baby then compromise with him about the baby and talk about whats going to be best for the baby but also will work between the both of you with out arguing and fighting. Its not fair for you and it won't be fair for the child because that won't be healthy for a growing baby to be born in to that kind of drama.

Answer 9

With all the respect I wouldnt have a child not being with the father. I mean if I get married and things dont work out thats a different story. But,If you know things arent working out now why bring a child to this world without a dad.

Answer 10

Don't waste your time with this person even if he is your babies daddy. You can make it with out him just don't let him off easy with out taking some financial responsibility.You also might want to find out how it works in your state before you decide to move out of state. Some states make it harder to collect if you're not living in the same state. Good Luck I'm sure you're going to make the right decision.