Here's one of my fave puns. Know any other good ones?

Question

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy. No one wants a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.

Answer 1

1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

5. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

6. A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

7. Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

8. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

9. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

10. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

11. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

12. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

13. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a tepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a tepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Answer 2

Sometime during the last century, somewhere in the central U. S., someone wanted to start a singing group. They could find no one of any talent so they went to the local home for the mentally impaired. Those chosen had some singing ability, but were constantly complaining of thirst and hunger. The man fed them colas and donuts for a while, but then realized that they were getting fat and lazy. He changed their diet to one with less sugar and more fiber. Hence, the Moron Tab and Apple Choir was born.

Answer 3

Roy Johnson went to the shoe store to get a new pair of shoes...he took awhile until he finally bought a pair. When he went home , he left his new shoes out on the porch because he didnt like wearing shoes inside. Unfortunately a stray cat stole his shoes and ate them! This made Ro sad, so he went to his neighbors and asked if they had seen a stray cat in the neighborhood. The neighbor assisted Roy in looking for that cat...and that when the neighbor spotted the stray cat and asked....Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes...

Answer 4

The president of China was flying in an airplane and he said, "I know this is China because I feel the wind in my face."

George Bush was taking a walk and he said, "I know this is the U.S. because I feel the sun on my back."

Fidel Castro was riding in a car. He said, "I know this is Cuba, because I stuck my hand out the car for two seconds and someone already stole my watch."

Answer 5

The chinese fighter pilot that flew into the airliner a few years back was named Wong Wei. (Wrong Way!) Honest to god.

Answer 6

What would Sheb Wooly say?

Answer 7

count consectively after me:

me: 1Q
you: 2Q
and so forth



3Q







5Q








7Q








9Q










if you said what i hoped you said
then



you're welcomed.



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Answer 8

that was ok

Answer 9

wow!!! that is really sad!!!!

Answer 10

this is for u......- ,,|,