How much should you spend on a wedding gift and shower gift if they are spending $350 a head on the reception?

Question

a good friend of mine is getting married at a fancy hotel in new york city. i live in ny so it's not like i'm traveling or anything, but i heard that you're supposed to spend about what they spend on you at the reception, but $350 is a lot of money for me (i'm a secretary) and i'm probably going to spend about $200 on a dress for the occasion.

i know it's a little late to be adding details, but i just want to add that I ASKED how much she was spending because she is a close friend and she told me in confidence (i.e., she wasn't bragging).

also, i'm spending $200 on my dress because it is appropriate for the formal occasion. i thought of not going at all like penguin gal suggests, but i think my friend really would appreciate my attendance and i want to be there for her. i don't think she EXPECTS a $350 gift... i just wasn't sure what the protocol is, which is why i posted this question.

Answer 1

I think that depending on your relationship with the bride or groom anywhere from $75 to $200 is appropriate to spend on a gift for the wedding. A smaller gift could be purchased for the shower without seeming cheap and especially since you've sprung for both gifts. Plus, as a former bride myself, it isn't about the amount of money spent but the fact that the person took the time to recognize your marriage.

The ONLY gift from my wedding that I am "mad" about is a set of coasters (cheap and the pattern was nothing to do with our interests) from someone that I did not even invite. Other than that all gifts were appreciated and wanted.

Seriously, the most important thing to remember is that a wedding isn't about gifts but is about the celebration of two peoples love for each other. Don't get bogged down in questions of gift cost!!!

Answer 2

Gifts for weddings are usually expected from invitees whether they attend the wedding or not. However, the value of said gift is totally up to the gift giver and not based on what the cost of dinner is for each guest. It's apparent that the couple or their parents can afford a lavish affair. To be expected to give back in the cost per head is ridiculous. If they can't afford to invite AND pay for their guests food, then they should have reevaluated their reception budget. I don't think they are expecting to break even at this wedding.

Answer 3

I would honestly say that you should only give as much as you can afford.

Check out their registry, see what they have asked for. If they don't have a registry, call up the bride to see if she plans on setting one up (this can lead into a nice segue to see what they need, such as "Oh, you don't have a registry? Do you have any thoughts about what you'd like?")

Gifts are just that--they shouldn't be expected, or even looked down upon if you can't afford to spend a whole lot. Make sure that it's a thoughtful gift, but don't feel like you need to work extra hours to cover the cost.

Answer 4

We got married at a nice hotel in Huntington Beach, Ca. last year. I don't recall hearing that comparison to a gift.
Your amount sounds very generous.
If you know this couple, do you think they have expectations? Most couples understand it is about having the people they love there, and a special day.
I would only worry about it if you think they are the kind of people that would, but they will probably be happy having you there, and knowing what you gave on a secretary's salary.
Enjoy...

Answer 5

Why spend so much on the dress? Unless you are in the wedding and have to. I say buy them a nice gift, who cares what it costs. I'm sure they could have had a reception somewhere else if they wanted to. I'm getting married next May and I don't expect people to spend the amount that I spen per head. I will love what ever they choose to give me. (Unless it is a cheese ball bowl!) If she is a true friend she will understand that you spen what you could, and she will be happy that you were able to share her special day with her.

Answer 6

There is no set amount you should spend. It all depends on your income and what you think you can afford. It's unrealistic for someone who spends $350 per person on the reception to expect a guest to spend that much on a gift. Don't get cheap on them, but don't overextend yourself either. As the old saying goes, "it's the thought that counts."

Answer 7

The cost of your gift has nothing to do with the price of the reception. Only very rude people speculate about the amount of money someone spent on a gift. Determine the amount you can safely spend, and buy a gift for that amount.

Answer 8

If they're decent human beings they'll know you and understand that the gift is what is important. If there's nothing left on the registry that is affordable and you don't have any other ideas, you can always just write them a check - it's more personal than a gift card. I think it's ok to give inexpensive bridal shower gifts, as long as they're nice and meaningful.

Answer 9

If they can afford $350 a head, then they probably don't need much. Buy a nice gift that is off their registry and within your budget (maybe $100) with a card and a sentimal message.

The fact that you are extending yourself and sharing their event will be a gift enough.

The "cost per head" rule doesn't apply when they can afford to spend that much, in my book. They obviously have enough.

Answer 10

There isn't a set price on what you should spend....Its what you can afford to spend. If this is a good friend, then you kinda know her/his taste so just be thoughtful without blowing the bank.......If you can't think of a gift..then get a nice card and put like $50 dollars in or whateer you can afford to......Newlyweds love getting cash....it helps for the honeymoon......