Loads of young men and women are still having to rely on parents, eroding their savings and retirement plans. How do you cope, when do you say no, it's not their fault.
2006-08-04 08:44:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think a better question would be "What do you do about parents who fail to raise their children to be self-sufficient?" or "What do you do about parents who allow themselves to be used financially?"
2006-08-04 08:48:51 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later, enough becomes enough, and that time is now. Time for some really tough love. You cant support him for ever, for the day will come when you arent around and then whats he going to do. True, there are thousands like him out here but that doesnt solve the problem of mommas boys refusing to leave the nest. 30 is way beyond the point of still living under mom and dads roof, especially not paying his way. Its just too bad you cant enlist them anymore into the service. But time has come definitely for him to try and fly on his own or he will never learn and will always be there with you. Good luck
2006-08-04 08:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look you lot are talking crap and need to learn mathematics...
The problem is that even if you have a job and work hard got of backside went to uni etc...
Many jobs still pay crappy wages so low they hardly if at all even pay anywhere near the wages needed to live on your own. And even if you can just afford a flat share room with beans on toast...
What happens when you need the opticians, car insurance, clothes etc...
Not everyone is a hot girl who can get a pole dance job as that appears to be the only one that can earn enough...
Loot at most jobs say grpahic designers post uni... £14,000 if that.
that works out about £200/week after tax
- £80 room
- £20 groceries
- £10 phone
- £5 internet As you cant get far without a mobile phone / phone or net these days.
- bills? £20
- travel £30
- £10 at least for miscillaneous
- £10 out and about food
- council tax
Plus what about hair cuts, clothes, contact lens solutions, doctors, bills etc
Let alone any cash left over to have anysort of life as without a beach everything costs so you need money for friends, to go out and meet people plus dates... whats the going rate of dinner?
No dates no fututre family...
Then saving up for a mortage, possibly a car. How much is a deposit?
Then please can someone do the maths for me..
If a mortage is 3 times your sallary how the FK do you buy a £320,000 average priced house if the average wage is £20,000 and most a lot less then that?
Hence stuck at home...
Till people get really violent, and batter and threaten all the bosses so they aint so stingy and give decent wages and induce a massive house price crash so young people can afford to move out like all the twats here saying to boot him out how got nice cheap houses and had it easy...
Girls can solve all their problems taking off their clothes what are guys supposed to do?
Oh and that is a shared flat...
Should not a 30+ year old have a flat? they start at rent £150...
that would leave £50 for the rest. It does not add up
2006-08-05 00:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur right it is a sad fact i'm 30 and live in my own place but i still have to beg parents sometimes and it hurts to have to, but without them i would seriously be desperate beyond belief. However i only ask when its extremely important like i have no food or nappies for my 3 kids, i will always go without regardless.the government has made life this way mostly as wages doesnt keep up wiv living costs and i mean just the basics! How u cope i do not know but i so understand ur plight. all the best to u and ur son. luv xx
2006-08-04 08:51:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lyndsey B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did you and your husband do for money and help when you started out on your own, you did it yourself and struggled, he has to have the struggles in life just like anyone else has and if he isn't prepared to either get a job with more money or do some part time work to earn a bit extra then his problem, he is 30 years old for gods sake and it really is about time he learnt to stand on his own two feet and by you bailing him out at every opportunity he is going to just carry on taking and doing nothing to enhance his own lifestyle, sorry but you have obviously worked damned hard for what you have now and why are you not enjoying every second and penny of it, or are you really going to spend the rest of your time on earth bailing out a selfish son who thinks his needs are more important than yours, book a damn good holiday for yourself with YOUR money and tell him to get a life cause you want yours back with effect, good luck.
2006-08-05 04:26:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes a spoilt brat and u have only yourself to blame. If he cant get a job that lets him buy a private jet, he buys a rolls royce, and if not enough for that then he buys a bloody bike.
Everyone has to live within their means, so if hes getting 150 quid a week hes well bloody off. He just cant stock up on venison anymore.
He's all the man he's ever going to be and hes a bloody baby - its a damn shame wot uve done to him..cruel to be kind, but its a bit late now. Whats he going to do when u croak it? U should have chucked him out when he was 16 - he'd have hated u but then he would have grown up and appreciated you.
2006-08-04 15:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by Allasse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, he shouldn't really be doing anything he can't afford to in the first place. If he's earning so little that he can't cover basic costs, then that's one thing.
But I doubt if that's the case. You do have to say no, somewhere along the line. Perhaps he'll consider changing jobs, getting a second one, or re-training. At 30, it's long overdue that he stand on his own two feet.
2006-08-04 20:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to practice some tough love. It's great that parents help out their kids when they can, but it may be stunting him because he doesn't really need to stretch himself to make do. Though he may not earn much, he probably does earn enough to cover expenses if he cuts them - live at home or live in a shared flat/apt/house with a number of people. Cut out any other luxuries.
It is not fair for your children to erode your savings because they're not saving. In the end, you have to realize that you're not helping him by letting him do this. He's not learning to take care of himself or to budget. Eventually, you won't be able to give him money and the lessons will be harder then - esp. as you may not have enough for yourself and he won't be able to help you.
Note - it may be OK to help someone for awhile if he/she is going through a bad patch, but you can't make a practice of it.
2006-08-04 08:52:20 · answer #8 · answered by cmc1217 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with you, I have a 24 years old son but he doesn't try to find a work instead depended on me and what I did was kick him out of my house for him to learn his lessons but instead he depended on the joy ride from the government and now messing his life, I feel guilty at times but for me he is grown up and if I carry on letting him rely on me, he will never learn, I know time will come he will learn and I have done my part, he is the one who chooses his path and we are there to guide them but no matter what we do they still choose their path and if we don't teach them and let them see the life and how to value it, there's nothing we can do, we're not gonna be here forever to look after them and see them going wasted.
2006-08-06 21:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by nicko 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP giving him money!!!! SAY NO NOW!!!!!He's 30 years old for goodness sake! Yes you must love and support your children but I would like to think when they reach the age of 18 then they can at least begin and learn how to support themselves.
Was anyone giving you handouts at the age of 30? Ill bet not! And if you continue to do this when is your son going to learn to support himself????
Sorry but I believe its time for tough love!!!!!! It's about time he was able to make it on his own......and as for it not being his fault....well who's is it then? Not yours I'll bet, but you are not helping him to become an adult by bailing him out!
xxxxxxxxxxx
2006-08-04 09:15:17 · answer #10 · answered by Honey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm 32 and I don't rely on my Mum or Dad you see, they dispese kids. Me and my sisters and brother got chucked into a foster home....
Parents are not there for money, as I told my kids the other day, there for love and understanding
2006-08-04 09:36:59 · answer #11 · answered by Lucy Piper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋