by different prophets that l could n't sustain my marriage.l refused to accept that and prayed for a change.my man already has a 6yr old boy whom l have taken on.l just heard from my sister that he has another boy who is 18yrs just 5yrs my junior l had already asked him 3times before who the boy was bcos he has sponsored the guy to join him from Africa.He lied to me saying the boy was his brother.now he has confirmed it's his son.l feel so hurt and just can't trust him .why wouldhe lie about his own son and can only guess he's got other secrets. l love him but feel l can,t trust and beginning to believe the prophets were right. lam confused & don't know what to say to him now as he apologised and want me to give him a 2nd chance. Do l end this by recalling what l was told earlier about my marriage with him or what?
2006-08-04 07:50:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
you need trust to make any realationship work. if you cant trust him then you have to end it.
2006-08-04 07:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you shouldn't marry him right now. I think if you want to give him a second chance, he needs to work to re-earn your trust (you're right - if he lied about that, what else is he hiding?).
Postpone the marriage. You don't have to call it off if you don't want, but right now you need to be sure you can trust him completely before you marry him.
Explain it to him that way. If he truly loves you and truly wants a second chance, a reasonable person will be understanding and do what's needed to re-establish the trust before rushing into marriage.
You're 23, which makes him what, 42? I personally think there is way too much of a life experience gap there for it to be a healthy and balanced relationship, and I personally think you'd be better off with someone closer to your own age.
Marriage is a partnership, and in my opinion both parties need to come to the table with reasonably equal footing, otherwise there's a good chance that one partner will run the relationship and the other partner won't be happy with it.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
2006-08-04 08:01:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're engaged and he didn't even have the decency not to lie about his children? That's a VERY bad sign. If he can't be honest with you--ESPECIALLY since you are engaged and you moved for him, you should rethink this relationship. I'm sorry to say that men who lie, will probably always lie. And this is a big lie.
Plus, he seems too old for you. He's already passed through the stages of life that you will be entering. Who's to say he'll support you, or even want to reenter them with you? He lives in a different world. If he's already got a 20 year old child, do you really think he'll want to start another family at his age? He's old enough to be a grandfather, and you're not. For your sake, becuase of his lies, the certain difficulties you will face with the age difference, you really should rethink this relationship.
And, if those in your religion also harbor ill thoughts about this marriage, you should listen to their advice as well. They only want whats best.
2006-08-04 08:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any marriage worth its time MUST be based on friendship, trust and mutual respect. If one of the three is missing, it's best to change your mind on this side of the commitment. It would be much worse to make a serious mistake than to admit you're unsure. You are not responsible for what he does with his life but neither are you required to ruin yours for him. Life is not a rehearsal; you deserve better. Praying for you!
2006-08-04 08:18:37 · answer #4 · answered by anna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How bad were the lies from him? Maybe he was just worried what you would say about him having a son, maybe he has lots of dark secrets.
Either way I would not consider marriage or moving just yet....
2006-08-04 07:55:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm a woman n i'm shy til u get to appreciate me. i'm going to take a seat in college quiet n no longer communicate over with every physique n wen ppl communicate over with me i'm getting worried...... yet whilst ik u n have been acquaintances i'm lots greater outgoing .... I purely get worried around greater modern human beings n i'm getting scared..... adult men constantly calls me lovable n lovable cuz i'm shy, short, have been given a advantageous physique, im sweetheart til u piss me off, stuff like that......
2016-10-01 11:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by amaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant build a relationship on lies... he should of told you the truth from day one regardless.... we all have baggage as we get older, but the past is gone and the future is what is important...
2006-08-04 07:57:52 · answer #7 · answered by engineer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think!
I think you already know the answer!
If you cannot trust him now, then that is unlikely to change
2006-08-04 08:30:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No trust, No chance... get out.
2006-08-04 08:12:22 · answer #9 · answered by ......... ........... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can just tell you one thing(think about yourself and think you love him or not then you can decide about your future)
2006-08-04 07:57:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋